To be crying at this

[appledoors]

I saw it on TikTok, then noticed it shared on Facebook too. I usually hate soppy sentimental crap but the fact that I am that exact age (32) right now (and very PMS-y) and I don’t know it just hit a nerve 😭

…………….

I'm 80 years old, and somehow..

I woke up in my 32 year old body.

Just for one day.

I wake up to little hands tugging at the blankets.

"Mummy, wake up!" they shout.

I blink, and I sit up slowly.

My babies. They're small again!

I gasp. I cry.

They climb into bed giggling, wiggling.

I used to rush through mornings.. but not today.

I pull them close.
I hug them tight.
I kiss their messy hair.
I hold their little hands.

This time, I soak in every second.

I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

No deep lines.
No grey hair.
My younger face...
I used to think I looked old at 41.

What a silly thought.

I stare for a moment and think, "You are so beautiful."

I find my husband in the kitchen, making coffee.
He looks strong, young.

I wrap my arms around him so tightly.

He looks surprised.

Maybe we didn't hug enough back then, I think.

We talk about the day nothing big.

But today, it all feels big.

I memorise the sound of his voice.

We pile into the car, kids arguing over seatbelts.
Someone drops a snack.
Crumbs everywhere.

I used to get so frustrated.

I soak in the noise, the chaos I know my car will be quiet and spotless for many years to come.

But I'll miss the mess.

Dinner is loud and unorganised.
No one wants to sit still.
There's shouting, giggling, a little arguing and so much life.

I don't clean up right away.

I just sit and watch.

Trying to burn it all into my memory.

Before bed, I pick up the phone.

I call my mum. And I hear her voice.

Mum..MUM.

I haven't heard this voice in so many years..
I close my eyes and let her words wash over me.
I tell her I love her again and again.
I never want to hang up.

This time, I don't leave anything unsaid.

At bedtime, I don't skip pages in the story.
Not tonight.
I read every single word.
Then I ask, "Can we read one more book?"
They say yes.
I don't want this day to end.

I got one more day.

And this time, I knew.
This was joy.
This was love.
Those little hands.
The loud, messy dinners.
Our strong, young bodies with no aches or pains.
Our parents who are still alive..

It all mattered so much more than we ever realised.

Soooo, those of us without kids or with abusive parents are failures?

This is bollocks.

When I'm 75, what I'll be saying is, "I wish I had spent more time being venomous to perfect strangers on Mumsnet."

Yeah, @PInkyStarfish thinks purely in terms of particularly unimaginative clichés, like those leaflets about Alzheimer's which depict some silver-haired old dear surrounded by stagily-arranged grandchildren straight from central casting, and bear no resemblance to actual life, with or without children.

its sweet but reads like AI wrote it-its a little overboard on the sappiness.

However its always good to remember our time on earth is fleeting and we must strive to enjoy our lives even most bad moments have value.

Don't get caught up in the weeds and miss out on experiencing life!

Sounds sentimental guff to me. Don't get the wrong, I look back fondly on all different stages of my life: newlyweds getting our first house set up, pregnancy, babies etc. We're all often too busy in the moments to appreciate it but it's ok to love those moments or find them tough and hope the next phase is easier.

I am sorry you feel that way as it wasn't intended as anything other than fact. You do not know what others are thinking. Like it or not, it is equally as likely people are gazing into middle distance thinking about their own shit as that they are adoring on other people's kids. It is great if having little kids makes you happy, it doesn't change that not all of us are enthralled by other people's toddlers. I love my own, utterly indifferent to others.

It is also not nasty to feel sad for people that they believe after the childrearing years are done, that their best years are over. The idea of the next 30-40 years after that being for looking backwards is so depressing to me. You cannot know for certain how your life may look or change in future. My kids are older now and I guarantee you, I am much, much happier and more fulfilled now than I ever was when mine were young. Life keeps getting better.

It is no more than a different perspective from someone who has got further through life.

You can say I have a heart of stone (many have) but I think this is awful. It seems to me that sentimentality is rife everywhere & I wish it would stop. I also know I'm on a hiding to nothing.

Yeah it’s just ick.

No point harping for time gone by; we know our lives are short so enjoy every moment!

All the more reason not to be miserable and negative like the other post was about yesterday! We don’t need soppy nonsense about ‘yesterday’. Never understood the wanting to hold on to childhood - we grow up, deal with it! 🙄

I hate this kinda thing. Yes We should be more in the moment but life’s not like this. We’ve got stuff to do and trying our best doesn’t mean we don’t love and appreciate our families

I read a quote that I think put it better and less gushingly "Instead of wishing you were 20 again, just imagine you were actually 80 and suddenly woke up at the age you are now"

It bought tears to my eyes because I am older. Not sure what I’d have thought in my thirties. I remember Toni Morrison in her book Beloved talking of slave mothers not knowing the feeling of their small children’s hands..I remember reading that and cherishing my son’s small hand in mine as we walked to nursery.

Nearly made me cry too. I'm 45, I still have one little one but my older two are late teens and I do wish I'd made more of the time when they were little. I'm trying to make the most of the present though. And I'd love to be able to speak to my mum again

It's brought tears to my eyes too OP! It also reminds me of a poem we were taught when I was a student nurse called "Crabbit Old Woman" ....it was to remind us to see the elderly with dementia as people ....I had to leave the room I was crying so much 🙈😄

Are there really people who skip pages in books?!

That is such a terrible poem that I think nurses are clearly incredibly forbearing not to have risen up en masse and revolted!

So rude!!!!

Maybe you are not old enough then

😂😂 it still got me and others a bit over-emotional! We had it pinned to the staff room wall as a reminder!

Yeah. It’s the guilt for me. The guilt that I’m currently fighting with my nearly 7 year old because she won’t go the eff to sleep. I’ve worked 10 hours today, read books, made dinner, and she’s over tired so her behaviour has been crap.

I don’t have it in me tonight. I just don’t. And then this pish turns up on Instagram just to fucking make me feel guilty about not cherishing every fucking precious moment. Yes. I should cherish this screaming tantrum she is currently having because she wants to go downstairs and eat crisps.

🙄

I’m one of those middle aged women looking ‘wistfully’ at you with your little ones probably thinking “that child needs to sit down and behave - why is she letting him run around and bang his sister with a fork” or “how can she be smiling with that horrid high pitch screaming going on?” or “that sing-songy performative parenting is insufferable - I hope I wasn’t like that.”

Please don’t assume what ‘middle aged women’ are thinking. My young adult children are brilliant company - I love spending time with them. I’m living the best years of my life now. I certainly don’t envy a life dealing with little kids 24/7 - I can go out and drink and laugh with mine now. It’s awesome.

Not for all of us. If you'd really like to go back then fair enough but life hasn't been so easy for everyone

Yanbu it made me cry too - my precious little prince boy I love him and his cuddles :-)

100% not thinking how lucky you are, that I can promise you 😂😂😂

I think I must have a heart of stone, because I was spectacularly unmoved. Sentimentality was never my thing and I don't think I'll be like that at 80 either.