To be crying at this

[appledoors]

I saw it on TikTok, then noticed it shared on Facebook too. I usually hate soppy sentimental crap but the fact that I am that exact age (32) right now (and very PMS-y) and I don’t know it just hit a nerve 😭

…………….

I'm 80 years old, and somehow..

I woke up in my 32 year old body.

Just for one day.

I wake up to little hands tugging at the blankets.

"Mummy, wake up!" they shout.

I blink, and I sit up slowly.

My babies. They're small again!

I gasp. I cry.

They climb into bed giggling, wiggling.

I used to rush through mornings.. but not today.

I pull them close.
I hug them tight.
I kiss their messy hair.
I hold their little hands.

This time, I soak in every second.

I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

No deep lines.
No grey hair.
My younger face...
I used to think I looked old at 41.

What a silly thought.

I stare for a moment and think, "You are so beautiful."

I find my husband in the kitchen, making coffee.
He looks strong, young.

I wrap my arms around him so tightly.

He looks surprised.

Maybe we didn't hug enough back then, I think.

We talk about the day nothing big.

But today, it all feels big.

I memorise the sound of his voice.

We pile into the car, kids arguing over seatbelts.
Someone drops a snack.
Crumbs everywhere.

I used to get so frustrated.

I soak in the noise, the chaos I know my car will be quiet and spotless for many years to come.

But I'll miss the mess.

Dinner is loud and unorganised.
No one wants to sit still.
There's shouting, giggling, a little arguing and so much life.

I don't clean up right away.

I just sit and watch.

Trying to burn it all into my memory.

Before bed, I pick up the phone.

I call my mum. And I hear her voice.

Mum..MUM.

I haven't heard this voice in so many years..
I close my eyes and let her words wash over me.
I tell her I love her again and again.
I never want to hang up.

This time, I don't leave anything unsaid.

At bedtime, I don't skip pages in the story.
Not tonight.
I read every single word.
Then I ask, "Can we read one more book?"
They say yes.
I don't want this day to end.

I got one more day.

And this time, I knew.
This was joy.
This was love.
Those little hands.
The loud, messy dinners.
Our strong, young bodies with no aches or pains.
Our parents who are still alive..

It all mattered so much more than we ever realised.

The writing is absolutely shit and yes, mawkish, but I do take the point somewhat. Sometimes it's good to slow down and really look at what we have. One day we will miss the things that frustrate us about being parents when they are gone, and probably with the distortion of nostalgia.

Those moments where we stop for a moment are precious, because the reality of life is that we have things to do, places to be and tight timeframes.

Yes!!! That is how I'm feeling. I keep getting anxious that I didn't record more of them when they were tiny etc

It’s naff and targeted at making women feel guilty for being overwhelmed, exhausted, burned out.

It’s easy to say “I don’t clear up straight away” and “I don’t mind the crumbs” if there’s not a hundred other tasks piling up while you frantically calculate when will you do another 2h work and which kid needs which new bits for school and DH reminding you the new shed is coming this weekend and you’ve not had 8h sleep in days and sex in weeks.

But don’t worry your burned out 32 year old head - here’s a soppy text to tell you it only gets WORSE so ENJOY IT!!!

Look, I had my first child at 21 and my last at 40 (with one in between).

When my youngest is 20, I’ll be 60 and I will have been a parent for 39 years. Children don’t just suddenly disappear when they get older, the situation changes and sometimes, being a parent can get harder.

I’m 45 and tired. If I live until 82, and I am finally in a peaceful house, I’ll think thank fuck. I will not want to go back to tantrums and cleaning up every five mins.

My grandmother had five children. She was always the one going, “oh you don’t have to come and visit. No really, please, go and live your life. No really, please don’t visit this weekend!”

She hid behind the sofa when her daughter and adult grandkids showed up as a surprise for her 80th birthday, she later said she just wanted a quiet day to eat a whole cake and drink wine with no one talking at her.

At 32 I had a one year old that wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, it was actually one of the worst years of my life. I feel like I've always tried to make the most of every age and stage though so I'm happy where I am with a (now known to be autistic) young adult tbh!

It's basically designed to make women feel shit. Shit if they are currently living that life but not able to appreciate it because they're struggling or exhausted, or maybe have children with special needs; shit if they used to live that life and didn't appreciate it at the time for whatever reason, or desperately miss it, and shit if they never had the chance to live that life because of infertility or never meeting the right person or some other circumstances.

It's smug, mawkish and cynical.

Well I’m getting a bit tearful and as a single parent my household was nothing like that 🥲

Yes have moments of gratitude, but I actually find these kinds of posts dangerous for people who are low, exhausted or struggling. Same with all the insta mums who write long, sentimental, naval gazing "inspiring" posts with a soft filtered photograph.

Life with young kids is hard. Relentless. Exhausting. And no one is a failure for not drinking in every bloody second of it. We are all human ffs.

Ah yes, because life isn't complete for a woman unless she has multiple kids by the age of 32, a husband, and an amazing relationship with her mother.

Also the author can't decide whether the woman is 32 or 41.

Utter dross.

Yep. So sentimental and sickly, but I’m crying too.

Not enough eye rolls 😂🤣😂

it was probably the output of ChatGPT.

Urgh, there's always something around to make mothers feel guilty. It's never Derek in his bed at 80, wishing he'd spent less time cycling 100 miles in circles each weekend up instead of chipping in with family life and doting on his children, is it?

Oh don’t be ridiculous.

It touched me too.
I can barely remember those years now.

No, he’s wishing he could still fuck off on 20 mile rides if his knees didn’t hurt so much, so he didn’t have to sit and listen to the grandchildren screeching all afternoon.

It’s always women targeted with this bollocks. Like all we can do is live for our children, the only thing we will miss from youth is motherhood. It’s such a load of shit designed to keep us drudging on incase one day, we regret not doing it.

When I’m 80, I’m going to regret spending my 20s, 30s and so far, my 40s being a stay at home mum and never bloody doing or having anything for myself.

Nah, take me back to the 2000s, when we had love hearts and the best dance scene across Europe. My Mum and Nan would have gone back to the early 50s. My Mum, on a ordinary job, had a flat overlooking the Thames and went dancing every night. As said, this shit is always targeting women and how we should sacrifice ourselves on the alter of motherhood.

If you are then so am I.

Oh god. YABU a million times 🤑

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

All that does is make me incredibly glad I never had children 🤣

So naff! There is nothing in the world better than revelling in the wonderful people your adult children are, all their little and big successes. Why would you want to go back?

Well, sentiment isn't cool on Mumsnet, and yes, it is mawkish, but it will resonate with many because this is a very standard human feeling. I quite often think I'd give a lot to go back to when my kids were little. It doesn't mean I don't also enjoy them as young adults - I do! But when they're small is such a special and short time.

When mine were little, we were often skint, properly skint, lived in a poky rented house, landlord was an arse, DH was out of work for a while, neither child slept well as babies, and yes, I clearly remember times when I felt desperate and times when I cried. Now I own my own house, we both have decent jobs we like, I have loads of free time, we go on holiday and are financially OK. And I'd still love to go back 15 years because even then I knew the children made it all worthwhile. Of course I'd love to hold them again, carry them to bed, read to them, pick them up from school, have dinner with them, go on a walk on a wet day and look for snails to rescue off the pavement, get woken up by them burrowing into bed with me, all of it. I loved it even when I hated it. And yes, of course it was the best thing I ever did.

So anyway, YANBU.

I agree. Cheap, sentimental shite.

It actually made me fucking angry. It's ratifying that women should and can only be fulfilled through their children/husbands/domesticity. It's also deeply unrealistic. I'm nearly 70 and would not, I repeat not, want to re-live screaming kids and rushed mornings. There are other days I'd very much like to re-live - like the one in Naples with Angelo - but that's another story. I would like to hear my mother's voice again, but other than that it's sentimental crap. It was probably written by a man.

🤣