I've just seen the most depressing thing

[Havesomecommonsense]

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

You've weirdly decided I don't have kids

Totally disheartening and very sad for all involved. Schools are in the thick of having to help children with impaired oral language ability, poor motor skills and the very short attention span of screen addicted children.

You don't need to be a parent to see a massive issue which is on the rise due to devices in the hands of young children. Society as a whole needs to turn this around.

Can you answer what is the reason for not answering whether or not you have children? You are allowed an opinion even if you dont have kids.

But there is an ocean of difference between being the perfect parent - which of course does not exist - and being the person who won’t say it’s not OK to sit with your child and facilitate the pouring of IG reels into to their brain…

we are talking about such a low bar here,
it should not be controversial for anyone: parent or not to say that’s just not right -

we should be doing better, and we can and not that long ago, we were doing better by default - before the screen addiction that dad would probably be giving the kid a few crayons and a scrap of paper, or the kid would be looking around soaking up the people talking and interacting, annoying the dad with the why questions 😂 having a fidget and learning that sometimes you gotta sit still and be bored when you don’t want to - you know the normal child development stuff -
the kind of development that is stunted by the screen …..

again - read the anxious generation -
it explains why our kids are screwed and so many parents are fighting to get their kids support that is not going to fix the problem

Coming to the end of 6 weeks of summer doing 99.9% of childcare on my own 24/7, I'd also love to be spitting bile at the father in this example. But I've had days where I've caved into demands for my phone to get a bit more sleep or just a few minutes thinking time to retain some semblance of sanity and continue to care for my child without completely burning out. Which, ultimately, is the better option.

No, we shouldn't give kids phones, but try living in a world where they are omnipresent and not. Most of the posters here are talking about 'when my children were young...' Yeah, and when previous generations had kids they didn't let their kids watch tv/listen to the wireless/gramaphone/read books other than the bible. Because these things weren't readily available. Playing out in the street with a gang of mates was though, which is virtually a non-existent concept now. Try it and see how long it takes for someone to criticise your negligent parenting.

This man may or may not be a generally shit parent, you don't know, you saw him for half an hour in a cafe.

Yes and for that half hour even when his child was struggling to eat and coughing and spluttering , he had NO reaction to her
Even on your worst day, that's not normal or ok

Because it will become a stick to beat me with either way as already evidenced
Oh sure OP, you must be such a perfect parent...

Or

You don't have kids so shut up

It has no bearing

Using the phone when we are on our knees in the easy win / comfort is it the sting in its tail

phones / apps are designed to be addictive- they are built using the psychology behind casinos

they create anxiety, irritability, fatigue and get in the way of healthy functional ways of managing overwhelm

the wireless etc you reference were not built to be addictive

yes screens are omnipresent
that is why we have to be selective about the exposure our kids are subjected to -

when something is addictive, our brains will always find a good reason / excuse to get another dose -

It’s not good parenting but it’s also not abusive. In reality, a lot of daily parenting falls into this grey area, for many reasons.

and yet, people disagree about the "not that long ago" children should be seen but not heard and what was commonly accepted that it's not before.

the kid would be looking around soaking up the people talking and interacting
as you have children yourself, how long will a child genuinely do that for? Really? 😂

And silently judging helps this how?

absolutely your parent status has no bearing on the fact that you felt depressed seeing a really young kid in that situation -

anyone should be able to see that was not OK !!

anyone that can’t see it, has their own screen addiction blindspot to address

Depressing seeing so many parents,male and female glued to their phones ignoring their young children. But it is the way a large %of the population behaves nowadays. It sadly is part of modern life. I am surprised anyone bothered to post about such an every day occurrence. Presumably because it was a man. But women are equally bad.

Was the father eating food or drinking or just the daughter?

It’s so sad.

I’ve witnessed an aggressive man with his 2 lovely little boys under the same circumstances. They were practically too scared stiff to move 😥

No, I am doing the opposite of silently Judging -

I’m labelling it, giving the rationale as to why I think this is a massive problem -

signposting to resources such as the anxious generation research / book -

there is nothing silent and judgey about my responses,

as PP has said society has a responsibility for addressing this huge problem and my agenda is to keep chipping away at trying to affect change -

i am involved in a field where the massive decline of children’s mental health equally tracks the availability of smartphones is a huge problem

these young people are starting to graduate to adult mental health services -
there is a literal tsunami of problems being generated by exactly what the OP saw today -

The fact that you can’t relate to a kid sitting and soaking up the environment around them is very telling
taking it to the base level, the parent role models not staring into the phone, but being able to tolerate sitting / conversing / observing/ self entertaining / observing social norms - you know the kind of things they have to do in a school ??

sp many kids have behaviour issues -
can’t focus / concentrate / sit still / listen / converse / interact confidently with other people ….. because they aren’t being parented to do so. These skills don’t happen by magic, or through looking at a screen

Which is fine, until people are expect services / society to fix the problem their ‘parenting grey areas’ created -

how can early help / Cahms / school pastoral teams stand a chance with supporting kids to be able to manage difficult feelings
tolerate being in school
manage social situations
cope with anxiety and depression

when at home the parents are perpetuating a significant cause of these difficulties by facilitating the dependency on screens

what's telling? That I don't have kids who just sit down quietly looking around for 30mn? They absolutely do not have to do that at school!

They are stimulated at school, that's how they behave, and I applaud the teachers that keep it that way throughout Primary.

I don't know anyone "soaking the atmosphere", what does this even mean?

Looking at a phone or a tablet for 30 mn in a day has never stopped a child to focus, concentrate, and interact confidently, because it's about balance. I just have to look at their school reports, there's nothing wrong with my kids or their friends.

It's also time to wake up, and realise people use their phone as a tool - it's not mindless scrolling, it's messaging, emails, work, food shop, booking appointments, booking tickets. Teaching kids the difference between using a tool and mindless scrolling is important.

From year 7 (the first year of Secondary school), the school EXPECT them to have a smart phone, it's very difficult and awkward to access what they need without one: homework list, payment and funds for lunch, list of those picked up to join the teams, contacting parents, taking photos of schedule and sending them to parents..
Which is why making grand judgement without kids yourself and not seeing why they actually have phones is ridiculous.

I don't agree with this . Every school in my area has either a phone ban or lockable pouches
Also you really need to stop with the saying i dont have kids thing, you're making yourself look obsessive/silly

You’ll get loads of posters going “this is just a snapshot” he might have been doing loads of activities before etc etc blah blah blah..but no, I agree op that’s shit. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, that’s a shit dad. @

Yeah he wasn't emailing or booking anything ut was just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling
And yes not looking up when your own child is making a noise and struggling to eat and coughing is inexcusable.
Tbh a stranger would look up and check a choking/spluttering child, let alone their own parent

The way you write makes me think you might be of an older generation who had kids before screens and doesn't quite get it. Most modern parents have far less help/are expected to be constantly present than previous generations. I admit, I was quite the judgeypants about lots of things regarding parenting.. then I had kids and realised how bloody hard it was

No, screens are not ideal but neither are burnt-out parents, which I know many of.

Fwiw, every generation was deemed as "ruined" by the previous generation by some sort of cultural/tech advance, so this outcry is nothing new.

it will do when those children grow up and have to assimilate into society- we’re all connected.

There is lots of new research from young researchers about screen effects on developing brains and dopamine addiction in adults and children