I've just seen the most depressing thing

[Havesomecommonsense]

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

A brief snapshot of a person’s life doesn’t give you the whole picture.

Of course it’s awful to be on your phone instead of giving a child your full attention but I see women everywhere I go that are glued to their phones. I also think children being given a phone as entertainment is sad.

But, you know nothing about him. He could be depressed and struggling to cope with the break up. He could have not long finished a night shift and be exhausted. His grandmother may have just died! Anything absolutely anything that you know nothing about could have caused him to feel weary and cope the best way he could at that moment in time.

Yes, chances are he was clueless but even so…

I have to say that whenever I see men on their own with children they are engaging and talking to their, it’s women that are glued to their phones.

It's the first time that you've seen this?

A 3yr old watching Instagram? Really? Far more likely she was watching something like Bluey, surely?

I wouldn't give my small child a phone at all and certainly not in a cafe but this one occasion isn't enough for me to speculate on the long term wellbeing of the child.

If she really was given unfettered access to Instagram I would judge hard though.

Yes never to this extreme

Definitely instagram.

Yes I know don't know the full story etc but there's no excuse for it .

I've told my dd I ever see her shoving a screen at her dd in public I'll be removing it.

Maybe let her parent her own way?

and your dd would be quite right to tell you to fuck off. You have parented your children and you have no right to tell your dd how to parent hers. Don’t be so fucking smug.

I hate the trope that “oh, it’s only a snapshot, it might be the only down time they have”. Pound to a penny the people doing this do it all the time, they haven’t just finished 2 hours of wholes father - daughter bonding.

That's so sad OP, poor kid. This sort of thing always brings out the defensive posters that clearly do similar though!

insane thing to say. Absolutely none of your business what your daughter does with her own child.

Some time ago, I had my arse handed to me on here because I commented on someone walking along with a pram, so engrossed in her phone that she had no idea what was going on around, or whether the baby was OK, let alone any interaction with the child. I was told it could have been an emergency, making an appointment, hearing something she needed to respond to.

I think it’s just lazy, anti social and setting up for a future of poor social skills.

I agree with you 100%.
I am surprised that so many people are rushing to defend this lazy, crappy parenting. I don’t care if it’s a ‘snapshot’ If that’s the only time he’s spending with his child he needs to try harder.

I hope your adult daughter told you to stop being so ridiculously overbearing.

You’d be okay with her doing so for 12 hours a day in private? Honestly, daft comment, and it’s none of your business anyway. I, btw, hate screens for kids and have 5 granddaughters I’d like to surgically remove from their devices, but they aren’t my kids so it’s not my call.

OP, it’s hard to know whether you’re right, there are, as others have said, too many variables (even Insta might be her siblings or grandparents doing something of interest).

My children are adults. When they were young people were starting to have those portable dvd players in cars and it was the rise of gadgets being used at restaurant tables.

My husband and I never used any of those things for our children. Personally I can’t think of anything worse than children being given a screen to entertain themselves.

My ‘defence’ of the man was merely pointing out that it may not be something he does regularly and the fact that the poster seemed to be singling out a man when you only have to look around and see that women are the worst offenders for being ion their phones and ignoring their children!

My daughter is obsessed with a little Japanese girl singing Old Macdonald in Japanese on Instagram. Sometimes I let her watch it as a treat/bribe.

I can’t get incensed about the guy you saw. We do what we do to get through.

And if I was your daughter and you undermined my parenting, I’d tell you to fuck off!

I see this most days when I'm walking my dogs. It's really sad

And then everyone comes along and moans on here about how they don’t have a ‘village and that no one will help them look after their child…… oh and safeguarding is everyone’s business…
And we wonder at my school why such a high percentage of kids are coming in with serious speech delay. Increased exponentially in the 20 years I’ve been working.
If my DD is making very poor parenting choices that I think would be detrimental to a grandchild the I’m going to be telling her that. Politely. And with care.

Maybe he new you was watching him and judging so he played along to give you something to post about.

Ive done it to people myself i just no they are judging me so i go all out with the show.

As a few other posters have said, it’s a tiny snapshot of their lives and his parenting. There’s no way you can tell what kind of parent he is from this. It’s also not for you to judge. There’s already way too much judgement of other parents. You can’t do anything as a parent nowadays without being judged. Most parents are just doing to best they can. Save your judgement for parents who deserve it - those that are abusive, genuinely neglectful, critical, unloving. And those where you know the full story. I’m a single parent and it’s HARD. I give my young DD her iPad to watch for half an hour when I need to do something like make a doctor’s appointment, contact a plumber cos the toilet’s broken or whatever. Maybe that might be in a cafe one day. The rest of the day I’m playing with her, cooking for her, painting with her etc. it’s sad to think a stranger would judge me because they happened to see that half hour of our day. Parents need time to do the things they need to do in order to keep their family’s life functioning and they also need a bit of downtime in the day too. They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for not being their child’s sole focus 100% of the time

Why tho? Not your child is it?

That’s not what was said. She said ‘she’d be removing it’ …that’s not her right. (Also not polite or gentle)

Or maybe she'll remove you