I've just seen the most depressing thing

[Havesomecommonsense]

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

Maybe he has had her for a week (for example) and she has had his full undivided attention, and this was just one short part of that week that you saw? Spending a few minutes on a phone doesn’t make him a bad parent!

Kids need to be bored. They can use their imaginations. Play with toys.
Life can be boring sadly, kids needs to realise this too. It isn't all endless 'fun' and activities'

@SnailPail what about my siuation? I absolutely am not a "lazy parent" in any way and would very insulted to be called that. Yes, its a specific set of circumstances but without knowing the people involved you just dont know do you? I have learned to develop a thick skin to the tuts and judgemental looks, if I didn't then DS wouldn't get to go out to restaurants, which is very good for his social skills and socialisation.

It's probably one of those men who didn't lift a finger when the kids were babies and then fought tooth and nail for 50-50 custody during the divorce. The kid will eventually get fobbed off to a new girlfriend or stepmum.

This is awful. Do you never let your child just be in the real world? I find it absolutely shocking that some children can't just stand in a queue or sit at a table without their brain having to be occupied by as you say "a distraction". You have absolutely no idea the damage you're inflicting on your child.

You talk as if this is the norm, it's far from the norm. My youngest is still only 13, these 'distractions' were around when she was a toddler, it never crossed my mind to use them to shut her up at all times.

If my kid is "bored" he will be making involuntary loud hooting noises, bouncing and flapping around the room, and generally drawing attention to himself and annoying everyone. Letting him watch YouTube in a restaurant (obviously with earpods) is definitely the lesser of two evils as I don't think my skin is thick enough to deal with the level of tuts and stares in that situation (been there, done that). Not everyone is the same and not one size fits all

@redjeans28, news for you, some kids really really can't handle an airport queue or a restaurant meal without a "distraction". So should we never go on holiday or to a restaurant in case people like you get "shocked" by this?

Oh stop being so dramatic. Why are you using exaggerated language? That poster said removed, not grabbing.

There’s no excuse for letting a child of this age watch instagram videos whatever might be happening in the parent’s life.

Taking the item from the child is not “giving advice” it’s controlling.

Lots of people are not as controlling as others on here.

Well @Havesomecommonsense you can see who on here goes on their phone when out with their kids! 🙄

I agree about Instagram though! Often a depressing cesspit as far as I can see...and not at all suitable for small children.

what adult removes a phone out of another adult's hand? that's unhinged 😂

@theDudesmummyyou don’t need to defend your situation. Your child is not an infant being left to stare at a screen while you do likewise.
Your child is a teen and you both have an understanding of what works for you both.
I think most people are referring to young children who are in their most formative years.

yes, me!

I spend a fortune on my kids phones, they might as well use them. HTH 😂

Not dramatic at all, you’re aggressive and if you were my parent, (I have GC mind), I’d tell you to mind your own.

However, if you were to offer advice of why you don’t thinks it’s a good idea, I’d possibly listen.

There are enough hours during the day, it's lazy parenting to let your kids be "bored" all day because you can't be bothered to take them outside where they need to spend energy.

Kids need physical activity, and frankly so do we.

They know life can be boring, they go to school and events for a start 😂

YANBU. I saw this the other week. McDonald’s.

Dad sat gormlessly chowing through his burger on his phone. Little girl sat opposite fidgeting in front of a screen he’d plonked down and occasionally eating bits of fries etc. He didn’t look at her or talk to her once in the whole 30 mins. Even when they'd finished he just gathered up the trays and she just followed him with no interaction or eye contact whatsoever. I could’ve cried. She looked like she was used to it.

It really is crap. We blame covid and smartphones for the ‘anxious generation’ but I actually think it’s parental distraction and indifference on smartphones themselves. Children need human interaction to understand how to be human and learn empathy, socialisation and develop a creative mind that understands language and meaning.

Society is sleepwalking into a child developmental disaster.

Well, i'm glad you didn't just see me. We just got in after leaving the house at 9am with my very adhd child. We walked to the playground, chatting, played for over an hour. Then went shopping to buy new school shoes and a water bottle plus few more items like socks. It's a hard job keeping a very hyper, loud kid somewhat civil in a shopping centre! But by 1pm i was exhausted. We went to a cafe and while we waited for the coffee/hot chocolate, we both needed to decompress and be quiet, so dc watched Bluey while I stared into the middle distance, enjoying the quiet.

I nevertheless get the judgemental looks and the tuts, though, every single time. Just illustrating that if you don't know what is actually going on in someone else's life and they are nothing to do with you, generally best to but out...

I've seen babies lying in prams with phones on Tiktok. Little baby fingers scrolling.

People want quiet, passive children and screens give that to us.

I totally disagree. Kids need to realise that life isn't just about fun and activities. To pander towards them is wrong.
Kids need to have days which are bored.
Have you asked if they want to spend days doing art and crafts. Sorting out their clothes/toys? Watching a film at home?

Or they can just relax.

Life isn't just fun. Life is boring. Kids need to learn this.

Kids need to know how to be bored. Constant fun and stimulation is just exhausting. No wonder children do not have good attention spans these days if this is how parents 'parent'

It's not a recent thing either.
I still remember the paparazzi photos of a famous influencer being on the phone whilst walking with their pram. Pram hits an uneven bit of pavement and tips over, tiny baby tips out and the person doesn't even get off the phone. Just scoops baby off the pavement and carried on.

I don’t understand the kids need to be bored thing. Kids need to be able to entertain themselves and they need resources to do it. They need access to toys, books, arts/craft stuff. They need to be exposed to what they can do with these things so when Mondays “I’m busy today, go off and do something yourself”, they might plod around a bit but then they’ll remember they can get some paper and pens out or there’s a toy they haven’t played with for a while.
They just need the opportunity to entertain themselves independently.

And other people would judge you for being in McDonalds. Which is likely unjustified, because it’s a probable non regular occurrence.

(Personally I don’t think it’s an issue, it’s a snap shot of your life), but the McDonalds threads on here are mad!

So, think before judging….. it may well have been the only time that had happened and for a possibly good reason.