DH chooses not to soothe baby

[amumma]

We have a song which calms our LO down immediately and helps her fall asleep if she is fussing when she's tired. As much as it gets boring to listen to, I will listen to it a million times if it means she is soothed and rested. Despite knowing the song works, my DH chooses to play songs he enjoys and let our LO cry when he has her, even if it takes a lot longer to calm her. Is it unreasonable that this upsets me

So he's putting himself before his little baby?
That's really unnatural. He should want to do everything possible to soothe and comfort her.

This feels wrong to me and I would be upset as well as i feel he is being selfish. Your baby comes first and soothing your baby should be a priority. Surely a happy soothed baby is more important than him listening to his songs?

What a strange and unpleasant man.

That's horrible, if he really didn't want to hear it he could listen to his own music using headphones. Crying yourself to sleep is not a happy childhood memory.

gross, why wouldn’t he want to help his child settle.

but he won’t change so not sure this thread will give you much hope, just a resounding YANBU

Totally, utterly, weird. He plays songs he enjoys??! Does he know he’s there to get your baby to sleep, not himself?

Why would he perpetuate the crying when he could just stop it by playing the song she likes?

What is his reasoning? If he doesn’t want to listen to the song then he can wear headphones and listen to something else. If he wants to introduce her to other music then he can do it at a time that she’s not distressed and tired.

How old is baby?

playing devils advocate but he might want to just try and do things his way?

Does he still sooth her?

Jesus, what? Weird vibes like he’s trying to impose his will on the baby. My DP would do anything to help baby if she’s upset.

We do have a music box baby loves, but for us the last resort is the boob 😂

His way.... you mean the way that doesn't work for anyone but himself?

It’s not wrong to have different parenting methods. I don’t believe in playing music for the purpose of soothing a baby, so it’s not something I’ll do. I am generally anti anything that gets children used to making demands - of course a baby is a baby, not a child, but why start something just to have to stop it later?

How old is the baby? And how well does this song work? Do you just have to listen to it once and it works, or does it only work if you listen to it 10 times?

I think these questions are relevant. IME it would be odd for a child to only settle when hearing one particular song. If he really hates the song, perhaps he is trying to create a new sleep association for her so that he doesn’t have to endure a crying baby and an awful song!

It doesn’t sound like he is choosing not to soothe the baby, rather he is trying to find alternative ways to soothe the baby.

I'm should be used to seeing mad rubbish posted on MN by now, but every now and then something so bonkers comes along that even I am surprised.

TIL there are adults who believe babies need to be toughened up and weaned from lullabies or they'll still be demanding them as adults.

So your way is the only way? My husband and I did things differently i dont see that as a bad thing

How odd. My oldest fell asleep to the music that played on his speaker in his room. It doubled as a radio so we could listen in to him when he cried. He used that to fall asleep for the first 18months or so and then it naturally just stopped. He’s 17 now and been soothing himself to sleep for almost 16 of those years… such a weird opinion to have.
I like to listen to stories before bed, it’s how I fall asleep. Why begrudge a baby music that baby finds soothing.

Hard agree.

This is why I never let my babies drink milk. It was full roast dinner from day one. Why let them get used to drinking instead of eating when you're only going to have to wean them later on. It's just lazy parenting imo.

For the same reasons we never held them or carried them anywhere, didn't use nappies or a buggy. We also never let them play with toys. And we didn't send them to school, straight into full-time work. Start as you mean to go on!

is it actually the song that calms the baby? or is it the song + mum nearby? in which case, the song + dad might well not have the same effect. But it is quite possible that baby can learn to sleep to dads song + dad.

i think this is one where you need to step out of the room and let the dad learn his own way to calm the baby and help her sleep. If you impose your rules here, you are making yourself the 'boss parent' and your DH will move away from parenting jobs so you will end up with much more work in the long run. that is not good for either your baby or your marriage.

If he's the one dealing with the baby, then he's the one dealing with the consequences. If it's just the song, and it takes him a lot longer to put her to sleep, then it's his problem?

I mean he's not neglecting her, he's not ignoring her, he's not hurting her. You believe one song works better, he doesn't seem to. As long as he's the one in the room with her, that's fine.

I would try not to stress about it. Tell him once "I think this song works quicker" and leave him to be.

Do you have to sing the song?

Honestly I think it's important to let him find his own way when he's settling the baby and try not to interfere. I expect he'll realise that playing the baby's song makes it quicker and easier to settle her but I would step back and let him find that out by himself.

To be fair, a very significant part of being a baby is completely centring yourself and making demands - it's an entirely normal stage.

There's plenty of time when they're a little bit older to parent them into leaving behind the baby stage and starting to act appropriately as a 'big girl/boy'.

You may just as well say that using nappies and allowing them to get used to weeing and pooing whenever and wherever they like will set them up with a lifelong bad habit and deter them from ever waiting to go and then learning to use a toilet.

It really depends on what he's doing. If he's just choosing to play a different song or variety of different songs then that's quite different to not soothing the baby at all.

Love this. What is it with people trying to make their babies independent or make them self-soothe etc? They are babies and they literally need us to survive.

I think its odd behaviour from your partner, if something works for our baby in this house then it gets done. A very selfish mindset from him imo.