To be fascinated by tidy people

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I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

It’s hard when you have a tidy partner and you aren’t. I take a lot of medication and supplements and i can’t walk far without a stick, I also forget they exist etc.. So they live next to me on the sofa (we have two sofas and dh occupies the other one). He hates that as it looks untidy, but I need to see them to take them. I’ve found having a plastic storage box on the sofa is a compromise, I can see them and access them, but they are contained and easy to put away when people come / the cleaner comes.

I hate clutter of any kind.

I have 6 photos and 7 paintings out around the house, a couple of pieces of handmade glassware, a set of candlesticks and six jugs along my kitchen windowsill. I keep my books in cupboards.

I am also very lazy, tidying doesn’t have to happen often and cleaning is easy and quick.

We have great storage in the hallway. DH built a shoe rack under the stairs for all of our shoes with a small clothes rail that takes most of our coats. The doors shut, I really hate seeing shoes piled up in the hall

I get you, OP, it’s tough! I try to multitask, so when I’m making a cuppa instead of standing around I’ll clear the draining board, wipe the surfaces, check through the mountain of post and get rid, that sort of thing. Or when I’m brushing my teeth I’ll make the bed (ok, not very well if one-handed!), sort the laundry, put my make up away…you might find that doing odd jobs that way helps.

I also find a quick tidy before bed really helps and it’s just my routine now. Check around for the inevitable cups and glasses ‘forgotten’ about by other members of the household, stick in dishwasher, tidy cushions, fold throws, dog toys in basket (I have loads of these dotted around the house) shoes in hall, wipe kitchen, dishwasher on…bed! Takes 5 mins as it’s routine now, but it means everything is tidy when I get up and helps me start the day with a clear head.

I’m not a person who does lots of ‘big cleans’ but I tend to do a bit at a time, when I can, which helps to stay on top of things. Training children to help, even when they’re little, also works…even a little one can carry their plate to the dishwasher and pop it in!

I hear you , OP! The only time my house was sparkling as it should be was when I literally hardly ever sat down and rested. It was not only exhausting, but thoroughly boring, to be constantly physically active doing mundane mechanical mindless tasks.

I've read all the 'do a little bit often/keep on top it/ clean as you go ' etc and I've done it but it's just the same feeling of never-ending mind-numbing drudgery.

I've now accepted it will just pile up to a certain level before I have to spend half a day cleaning it all again. It doesn't get terribly bad, more untidy and dusty than dirty, but it's not the call-in-and-see-my-showroom standard of other people. I admire them but cannot be like them.

Who said anything about it being sparkling? Tidy is different. I clean ( dust, hoover, bathrooms cleaned etc) once a week for a couple of hours tops. I clean surfaces after use but don’t class that as cleaning. I clean the sink ( spray and swish not scrub) daily but don’t class that as cleaning. Kitchen floor gets swept daily but that’s not cleaning . Living room cleared of any cups from the evening and cushioned plumped before bed. But that’s not cleaning. All these things are just unconscious really, as is switching dishwasher on before bed and emptying first thing.

I can understand this. It is drudgery. Being a tidy person, I keep everywhere neat, but actual cleaning is not something I enjoy, I just do it.

Imo,maintenance of domestic tasks means it’s easier to keep on top off when stains,mes build up
A sticky handmark on cupboard or pile of clothes or messy high chair can be sorted if the baseline is ok
What I mean is a high chair with 1 day food stain is easier to clean than a high chair with months of stains. A 1 day clothes pile us more manageable than a pile that’s amassed over weeks
Wiping an otherwise clean worktop is manageable compared to trying to clean a worktop that’s got weeks of buildups
Thats why little often works, it set a baseline of clean that is easy to maintain

I also admire them but cannot be like them. I know what it takes. I just don’t have it in me to be constantly thinking about tidying and clearing up. Coming back from work and not sitting down but hoovering and dusting like some on here. Then on to cooking and clearing that up..

I just have to accept at times it piles up and then I have a blitz.

It’s drudgery and it’s boring. My clean washing sits in my utility for days as I can’t face putting it away. I hate all domestic tasks!

A cleaner once a week forces me to run around tidying one evening. It’s back to messy a day later.

Your last sentence makes me depressed. Paying for a cleaner only to have your house a mess one day later?

For me drudgery is a massive pile of dishes in the sink, rather than just washing up the very small amount after a meal. It’s a ginormous mound of laundry that will take most of the day to get through, rather than small loads often that are dealt with immediately. It’s leaving the house to become a bomb site and then having to waste a day sorting it all out.

It makes me depressed too but I have a messy DH and messy kids. Despite nagging..

Something else I’ve noticed about messy houses after a play date today- the state of some children’s toys is appalling. They’re just jumbled in a big messy pile and the kids don’t look after them. Toys are left lying about, so get stepped on and broken. There’s no obvious place to tidy things away to and everything is battered and has missing parts. I think it’s so important to teach children to look after their belongings and take responsibility for tidying up after themselves. To genuinely take pride in their bedrooms and care for their things.

We had a child round once who just tipped every toy out of their baskets and didn’t seem to know how to play with anything. My 4 year old asked me when they went home that they not come round again. He found it really stressful everything just being chucked about and not actually played with. Contrast to a little friend he has over to our house regularly who actually plays with everything and helps tidy up before he goes home. He’s welcome any time.

Agree and you're also not spending time looking for things, stress when you cant lay your hands on something important etc.

Also messy people have a close correlation in my experience with those who are late!

I open the windows while I am getting ready for work and leave my bed to air. It takes me about half an hour to shower, dress and put some make up on. Before I go to make my coffee I make the bed. Turn around and all is as it should be, ready to be slept on in the evening. 😊

I’ve noticed that people approach tidiness differently, some care deeply about it, others not so much. My house has never sparkled; it’s old, the furniture is simple, and I raised three kids in it. But it was always tidy.

I’ve loved cleaning since I was a child. It gives me real satisfaction, and I simply can’t function in a mess. That said, I don’t believe keeping a tidy home means working constantly. It’s about having a place for things and putting them away when you're done. I usually clean once a week, Fridays are my go-to. It’s not deep cleaning: I vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, do laundry, and water the plants. Certain things I do once or twice a year only, or as needed. The rest of the time, I just spot clean. I’ve always worked full-time, raised three kids, cooked, baked, and made time for friends. I didn’t neglect my family to keep things clean. As others have said, a tidy home isn’t about endless cleaning, it’s a way of living.

Before my daughter was born I was never late for anything! Actually I was more likely to be 10 minutes early and walk around the block. Now we're usually exactly on time - except when I have to deal with a huge poo just as we were about to leave 🙈. Bring punctual doesn't make me any less untidy though. I just loathe most household tasks. Obviously I have to do them but it will never be automatic/second nature the way leaving on time is.

You put the sticks in a plastic storage box @FurForksSake ?

Sorry no, blame my terrible brain. I keep all my meds and supplements in plastic storage boxes on the sofa. My crutches and sticks I leave lying about to trip people up with 😆😆

https://share.temu.com/5cOhiC4TRfB

This has been a game changer for me a cute bamboo trolley. It's narrow so fits between the sofa and an armchair. Top shelf I use for cup and plate Etc. middle shelf my phone, tablet, kindle charger etc. bottom shelf my heated pad and a wicker basket for glasses, hand cream etc.

I can wheel it in and out at will.. could hang my two sticks on it I guess.

Think about it.

Sorry by charger I mean charging station. Like this one

Thanks! This is a good idea and would appease us both.

A combination of ADHD medication and moving to a bigger house has honestly changed my life...before I would need at least two days to get ready to have people over...now I am one of those mythical people who can invite people in at random. It is so much better! I do spend a lot of time cleaning and tidying but it is just part of my routine. Instead of sitting down with a cup of coffee in the morning I'm up getting everything sorted, and then we get on with our day as normal.

.........they will just tidy little and often rather than waiting until things are a mess and take ages to sort.

Can I just reiterate that I never tidy anything up. Never.

I don't need to, because I always put everything away. There is no mess.
Everything in my house has a place, and it stays there.

I also don't keep piles of things that have no use. If I don't need something anymore, it gets donated or recycled or just thrown away.

I would just be careful with that kind of thing bought from Temu, amazon or direct from Tiktok/Instagram ads - some of them have little to no safety standards followed when making them and are a shock/fire hazard. This channel is a bit sweary but he takes them apart and shows where the problems are:

I think lots of people don’t realise the impact ADHD has on tidiness levels. They think ‘just try harder, pick up after yourself, put the cup away - it’s easy’. But it’s not and it’s not laziness either.

Tbh I don't tidy. But what I do do is clean. There is no need to tidy because I put things away when I am finished with them... are people really just using something and then jsut flinging it anywhere?? 😵‍💫

the only exception to that is probably the kitchen. That will need a tidy if a large multi-pot/dish meal has just happened.

ETA - my first house was an absolute shoebox small place; which is where I had no choice but to keep it tidy otherwise I would not have been able to move.