To be fascinated by tidy people

[tangerinemagic]

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

I’m incredibly lazy, but I also don’t like living in mess and clutter. It makes me feel like shit and stresses me out. I like order around me.

We live minimally, so we only own what we need with no excess. My 4 year old has toys he adores and plays with every day but he doesn’t have an indecent amount such that the house would resemble a Toys R Us. I couldn’t bear it.

He currently has a castle out that he built with magnet tiles and it is populated with little figures. He’s had it set up in our living room since the weekend. I like seeing his toys out and the house does feel lived in, it’s not stark and unwelcoming. But everything can be tidied up in 5 minutes flat.

Having minimal possessions also makes hoovering and dusting very quick and easy.

So true. That resonates with me.

That’s why I said storage, as the name suggest it stores
I have had built in storage commissioned for each room. We put a lot of thought into storage solutions

I think lots of messy people have ADHD or undiagnosed ADHD. Their brains just don’t see the mess. Or they get distracted.. Cupboards stay open in my house as I just don’t see them.

I seem to spend a lot of time tidying. Only for it never to be properly tidy. Tidy people I think are just constantly tidying and I can’t do that. So they have a cup of tea and then put the cup in the dishwasher..mine stays out. Cause I’ve just moved on to the next thing. They do the whole ‘never leave a room empty handed’ thing.

I just run out of steam after about half an hour. It’s all so boring. Just constant picking things up and moving them to another place. Doesn’t help that nobody else in my family puts things away…

I’d love a tidy house though…seems impossible.

I grew up in a messy chaotic house,my late DM was very stressed by it, this was the,50s/,60s, late father wouldn't allow anything to be moved. I decorated my bedroom when I was 13 he was furious ..we'd lived in the house since I was baby, the walls were whitewashed. I wasn't allowed to have friends in .. it's made me tidy. I had 4 DKs,by the time the youngest was born, following year dgs, I looked after him and subsequent gks, worked mostly ft nights nursing. Had various animals,big gardens. Now an open plan bungalow, kitchen at the end of the living room, I can't sit down with a messy kitchen behind me. I don't spend much time cleaning, I do it as I go, don't let anything mount up. I don't have much storage now, I might 2 under stairs cupboards
You come indoors,coats in the coat cupboard,shoes in the shoe cupboard.
.

.

I think you have 2 issues. One is that as a mum with 2 small kids you simply don't have a lot of free time and you're always on so your energy can be low.

The second is that real tidiness is about organisation and having your house setup to support your life. From this example its clear your hallway isn't working for you. Could you create a drop zone that has a place for all the tings you mentioned here in your hallway. hooks to hang things in the hallway, A basket for shoes and perhaps a unit like a small ikea Kallax for the changing bags, nappy nags etc. Use a try on the top to corral keys, post etc.

It doesn't mean that it all magically gets tidy but having it easier to keep tidy is half the battle. Also focus on a couple of key areas in your home like the hallway so you don't feel embarrassed by your home. It doesn't have to all be perfect.

a key tip i heard one time and find really helpful was that if the furniture item that takes up the most surface area in a room is clear than the room looks tidier. So he Dining table, Kitchen Island, Bed and sofa. if they are clear of items then the room looks fine. So focus on these big things when it comes to tidying.

In the quote history someone said tidy people spend all day tidying.

Hi OP,

I am one of those tidy people! 😂 always have been, even as I child I loved tidying and organising my bedroom.

My Mum is very clean and organised too, did all her own housework, we always had fresh beds and towels growing up.

For me it’s something I do naturally, I enjoy it. I love for example emptying out, cleaning then reorganising my dressing table, going through our garden shed, or having a good tidy up of all my children’s art and craft bits.

I have a set weekly cleaning routine (dust, hoover, clean bathroom, kitchen & ironing). I then have tasks which I do less often and pick one or two each week depending on need, eg cleaning the inside of the windows, cleaning out the fridge, deep clean the oven, cleaning all the electronics. I also have bigger seasonal tasks, eg dust the inside of all radiators, wash internal walls, defrost the freezer.

I constantly declutter. I immediately bag up my children’s clothes once they are out of that age and season and instantly pass on to a friend/charity shop/clothing bin, whichever I see first. No hanging about! 😂

I now find cleaning really quick as these routines mean nothing builds up, so actually I can get loads done in 3 hours once a week. I certainly don’t clean every day.

I’m the same with gardening- 2 big landscaped gardens with loads of different beds, shrubs, plants etc, but doing 1-2 hours per week of pruning/raking/weeding now means my garden always looks tidy and I can get quickly back on top of it if we are on holiday or something. I work very quickly once I start!

For me, I love knowing where things are and being able to quickly find things. I find physical clutter overwhelming and can think more clearly and feel much calmer in a tidy home. I don’t like duplicate items- I only ever have 1 shower gel, 1 shampoo, 1 body lotion, 1 of each make up item, etc. I may have one extra stored out of sight, but only ever 1 out and in use.

I think it’s whether you fundamentally believe someone’s possessions are a reflection of their personality.

My best friend has so much clutter it makes my teeth itch but I don’t think it remotely reflects the bright, interesting, warm hearted person that she is. She grew up in a cluttered home.

I also grew up in a cluttered home - my parents are very organised hoarders - and I ruthlessly declutter and keep a very tidy home as it honestly stresses me out. I’m not Mrs Hinch by any stretch, I’m not tidy by nature but I value a calm chilled home.

I have loads of basic shortcuts to being organised - eg I don’t fold and put away my child’s clothes unless they’re special items. Everything gets slung into baskets in their closet labelled “T-shirts” “jumpers” “shorts” etc so there’s no friction around putting away clean laundry.

I’m not a naturally tidy person but I am married to one and have ended up becoming a very tidy person. Our house is messy for a couple of hours a day and otherwise spotless.

My number one tip is to have baskets for items that are in the wrong place- you can then have items in these rather than sitting loose (ie keys, lids etc) before they're put away.

My number two tip is batch cooking meals- the biggest advantage is that the kitchen only needs a big clean once (as reheating is less messy and uses less dishes).

Other things that have helped me have a usually immaculate home:

1. massively decluttering- getting everything we don’t need taken to a charity shop or listed on Vinted;
2. buying less clothes;
3. putting rubbish, packing, junk mail etc straight in the bin;
4. not holding onto things we might need some day;
5. buying hidden storage (ie our sofa has storage);
6. having large decorative bowls on shelves rather than loose items;
7. doing smaller loads of laundry less often;
8. having a dishwasher (but I’ve heard the tip of people with TWO dishwashers so they never need to be fully emptied and will add this when we move/upgrade kitchen);
9. only buying dishwasher proof pans etc;
10. clean up the kitchen BEFORE you eat;
11. never leave pots to soak- boil them on stove if burned on food won’t come off; and
12. electric scrubber brush for bathroom.

Leaned here!
I grew up in a chaotic cluttered home and don’t want that for my DC
my home is not perfectly tidy but it’s easily cleaned / respectable and I can have people come in unannounced without freaking out.

watch sort your life out or find some Instagram tidying pages and that will get you started.

it really does create the most calming home and I don’t think it’s good to live with constant mess. Good luck

That’s your experience and reality.
but I’m not talking about time. I’m talking about priority, I prioritise other things, not due to lack of time, it’s just not my priority.

Omg OP - the thought of that scene is bringing me out in hives . I come from an untidy family but I am the neat freak. I guess we are just all different.

I had three DC under 6 at one time so I do understand things can get out of control.

Teach chn not to come home and drop stuff. Make them out it away. If not straight away, after they’ve relaxed and had a drink. It will pay off.

I was surprised the one day when I posted photos of my home on a thread about my DH being up my arse about the “state of the house” and a bunch of MNs told me my home was tidy 😳 So I think people have all kinds of different standards.

I do a before-bed house reset, and that seems to help a lot. The sink gets cleared and kitchen countertops get a quick wipe down, and then I just go from room to room putting things away. It usually takes less than half an hour. I usually clean clean 2-3 rooms in my house (which I think most people would really consider “deep cleaning,”) such that the whole house gets cleaned about once a week. Usually I’ll do light organizing tasks in the rooms of the day, and heavier organizing tasks (closets full of Stuff and Things, unruly drawers, the car, etc.) get put off and hidden until I have a good, child free block of time to really focus on them.

Ah, okay.

Yes I have different standards to DH. If I’m the one up, any cups go in the dishwasher, it gets switched on. I tidy the sofas and cushions. Any mess in the kitchen is sorted. If DH is last he won’t have sorted the living room. He will have sorted the kitchen. It’s funny but I think it’s what we grew up with.

I have a friend whose house is always immaculate. She has a 23 month old. I have a similar aged baby and my house was always untidy until I asked her how she does it. Turns out her child's 'play' is just helping her tidy and clean. Her daughter follows her round like a duckling, helping her load washing machines, clean surfaces, put things away. The minute her nappy is changed, the baby's up and off to the bin with the used one. Tidying away is basically her favourite thing to do.
I've since started doing this with my baby. She's all over it! Turns out I don't need to wait for her to go to sleep to start tidying and cleaning. It's all done by the time she goes to bed. Her favourite toys at the moment are her cloths and sweeping brush!

MIL’s DH comes from a similar work environment - you can’t put a glass of water down for 2 minutes without him tidying it away 🤣. He’s been retired for over 20 years as well 🤣🤣🤣.

It helps that me and my DP have the same standards. I have just sat on the couch now. Dinner has been made and eaten and the kitchen is tidy.
We got home at 5. I put burgers in the oven, I set up the plates with the buns etc. I went upstairs and changed etc. DP opened a package and put the cardboard and bags in straight in the recycling and put the items he bought away. We sat and waited for the burgers to cook. Once cooked we built the burgers. I put all the condiments, cheese, lettuce etc back in the fridge. We sat and ate. Once finished, DP cleaned the oven, I did the dishes, I would usually put them in the dishwasher but there was only two plates , two glasses and a baking tray and a few knives. I wiped down the sink and DP wiped down the island and oiled the wooden board. Job done!

Tidy people I think are just constantly tidying and I can’t do that

I don't think it's separate from the original task though.
So it takes 3 seconds extra to put the tea caddy away.
Literally open door, pick up, put in, close door

Imagine 100 x not putting things away and the overwhelm when you stand looking at it
plus everything gets messy and jumbled and you cant clean properly or find things

😱

Hi OP, I grew up messy but am now very tidy. What works for me:

• I never really ‘tidy’ as such, I put things away as I finish using them. Cooking for example I wash up as I go along (or put in the dishwasher). There are usually only a couple of pieces left at the end of a meal.
• Everthing in my house has a ‘home’. I try to make that home as little effort as possible. Eg the home of anything will be in the room it is used in. Coats and shoes and keys have a home where you might otherwise naturally drop them. If something consistently gets left out - I try to figure out why it’s not getting put away and fix it.
• I regularly have a clean out of cupboards - everything would get looked at around once per year. If I haven’t used it in over a year - why would I still keep it? At the very least it would go in the loft (which I admit is my weakness but at least I don’t have to look at it up there)
• Cut yourself some slack with young kids as it is really hard to be tidy. When my kids were younger I sacrificed a room. I accepted that room would be messy with toys but it was a room I could shut the door on and have an otherwise tidy house. The principle would work for a defined section of a room if you are pushed for space I guess - and maybe a curtain to hide it.
• IME the smaller the home, the more difficult it is to keep things tidy and the more ruthless with belongings you must be. You have more storage options in a larger home (and can sacrifice a room to the kids!). In smaller homes you need super clever storage - built in storage designed for the space is optimal.
• Lastly if you can’t do everything, I would focus on the floor. If the floor is clear and vacuumed it really makes a difference to how tidy the room looks even if the shelves are a mess. It’s anmazing. Bonus points for neatish ‘piles’ of stuff like papers or clothing on the sides and shelves if that is all you can manage.

@Iris2020
Personally as an ED nurse I would not make hot drinks with a toddler around

Also it would be a cold day in hell before I looked for DH socks!

My husband is incredibly tidy, I’m chaos, but I’m very clean, where as he isn’t as bothered about dust etc, so it evens out quite nicely.

I am like you. Also not a morning person. So it has to be something to do with brain wiring. Having said that I was very organised from childhood till my mid- 20s. Maybe because I owned very little, now my wardrobe is always in need of sorting. Not sure what switched in my brain.