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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Beef - what to do?

101 replies

AnnaSunshine · 25/08/2025 08:47

Get out your popcorn, huge beef between two sets of neighbours on our road.

Neighbour A has lived on the road for over ten years with her husband and three daughters. She always comes over to say hello and seems friendly. She often shares what’s going on in her life.

Neighbour B moved in a year ago and completed a full renovation on their house. She has a husband and son the same age as my daughter. They go to nursery together. She also seems friendly when I chat to her, but we mostly chat about the kids.

Neighbour A is about to move. About a week ago she ushered me into her house and told me how awful Neighbour B had been. She seemed very flustered. She said they had damaged her wall costing her close to £2000. She explained that she had been trying to get them to pay for months but they had refused. Finally when she’d gone to discuss it with the move getting close, Neighbour A had verbally assaulted her. She was livid.

Fast forward a few days and I hear/see/can’t fail to miss Neighbour A and her husband shouting at Neighbour B who seemed to be putting her bins out. They are clearly crowding her and very angry. Neighbour B does not shout.

When I saw Neighbour B at pick up, I asked her if she was okay. She looked very upset. She said if I wanted to hear the story from her perspective I could come over and she would explain.

Neighbour B said that a large tree was removed from a different garden behind Neighbour A’s house just before her wall was damaged. She said Neighbour A also had a large plant climbing up the wall. I saw photos. Their builders had been to examine the wall and assured them their work would not have caused the damage. They had offered Neighbour A half the costs to be neighbourly, but it had been declined.

Neighbour A became annoyed when they explained they didn’t think they were responsible and insulted Neighbour B. She left the room in tears. This was all caught on the doorbell camera. She played it for me.

Neighbour A and her husband, both solicitors had then written an email designed to look like a letter before action, but not actually meeting the criteria. In it they accused Neighbour B of verbal assault (DARVO much!?). Neighbour B and her husband decided to wait to reply to de-escalate tensions.

When Neighbour A and her husband had shouted at Neighbour B outside her house she had told them she didn’t feel safe talking to them because of the previous conversation. They called her a liar and threatened her profession saying she was bringing it into disrepute.

Neighbour B told me she had given them half the money to end the harassment. She said she felt scared to leave the house and was counting the days until they moved.

Wow! I think I’m the only one on the road that Neighbour B has spoken to, but I know Neighbour A has told quite a few others. Should I quietly correct the story?

AIBU - Neighbour A got that wrong. Correct away!

YANBU - Neighbour B has missed something out. Let her tell people herself.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 25/08/2025 08:51

Stay out of it.

Judgejudysno1fan · 25/08/2025 08:52

Correct what story? How do you know she gave half the money? It's not up to you to go round the neighbours filling them in on A and Bs goings ons. I'd stay out of it and worry about my own life. It's really nothing to do with you. Sorry

ilovesooty · 25/08/2025 08:54

I'd stay well out of it too.

AnnaSunshine · 25/08/2025 08:54

Neighbour A has been telling everyone that Neighbour B “verbally assaulted her”. I’ve heard the recording - Neighbour A lost her cool and was rude.

OP posts:
GrouachMacbeth · 25/08/2025 08:55

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Be wary of close friendships with either.

Hoardasurass · 25/08/2025 08:57

Say and do nothing you dont know what really happened and you have to live there
Ps builders never admit that they have caused damage to a neighbouring property even when you have video footage of them doing so

Ilovemyshed · 25/08/2025 08:58

Stay out of it. Neighbour A is moving anyway.

ExtraOnions · 25/08/2025 08:59

Mind your beeswax

Swiftie1878 · 25/08/2025 08:59

Stay WELL out of it. There’s absolutely nothing to be gained by getting involved.

WLnamechange · 25/08/2025 09:01

Yeah stay out of it. I can't imagine being that desperate for gossip that I'd go round to a neighbours house and watch ring doorbell footage and look at pictures about a petty argument. Go and enjoy the bank holiday sun OP.

Owly11 · 25/08/2025 09:02

Why are you involved? Nothing to do with you. Also you don’t want to end up in a neighbour dispute yourself which you then have to declare when you sell your property.

whatasillygoose · 25/08/2025 09:03

WLnamechange · 25/08/2025 09:01

Yeah stay out of it. I can't imagine being that desperate for gossip that I'd go round to a neighbours house and watch ring doorbell footage and look at pictures about a petty argument. Go and enjoy the bank holiday sun OP.

I can, lovely bit of tea to spill.

parakeet · 25/08/2025 09:03

Good grief why do some people love getting involved in drama? No, do not get involved in a spat like this. And by the way 'verbal assault' is a silly meaningless term. Neighbour A is leaving anyway and this will all blow over.

Mauvehoodie · 25/08/2025 09:03

If other neighbours mention it to you, I’d just give a wry smile and say “I’m not sure that’s exactly how it happened” or “don’t believe everything you hear…” or “I believe recollections may vary…” or similar and remain completely enigmatic and don’t be drawn any further. You’ll see a seed of doubt without having to sink to a level of endless gossip.

Glittertwins · 25/08/2025 09:03

Stay out of it, it’s not your story to tell. A is moving so if you really feel the need to say anything, wait until they’ve gone.

jen337 · 25/08/2025 09:08

WLnamechange · 25/08/2025 09:01

Yeah stay out of it. I can't imagine being that desperate for gossip that I'd go round to a neighbours house and watch ring doorbell footage and look at pictures about a petty argument. Go and enjoy the bank holiday sun OP.

And then post at length on mumsnet about it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 25/08/2025 09:08

Stay out of it, honestly there is nothing to be gained by getting involved and sharing anything you know with other neighbours, you’ll only be adding to the gossip and may make things worse.

Lilacspring · 25/08/2025 09:08

Op, I would stay out of it.

AnSolas · 25/08/2025 09:09

Soon to be ex-NDN is a soon to be ex-NDN solicitors started a NDN dispute reportable during the sales process as they decided to sell up and move?

Stay well out of it.
They will be gone soon.

The "new" NDN did a full reno on the house and did not do a party wall survey to document?
And paid PFO money to someone who was moving away anyway when she could have called the police which kicks into a Solicitors professional ethics?

Stay well out of it.
You did not get the full story from either party.

ThePoshUns · 25/08/2025 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnnaSunshine · 25/08/2025 09:13

AnSolas · 25/08/2025 09:09

Soon to be ex-NDN is a soon to be ex-NDN solicitors started a NDN dispute reportable during the sales process as they decided to sell up and move?

Stay well out of it.
They will be gone soon.

The "new" NDN did a full reno on the house and did not do a party wall survey to document?
And paid PFO money to someone who was moving away anyway when she could have called the police which kicks into a Solicitors professional ethics?

Stay well out of it.
You did not get the full story from either party.

Not a party wall. A wall at the back of the property about 10m from the work in the house.

Neighbour B knew they hadn’t reported the dispute and that she could report them for harassment/the email that looked like a Letter Before Action. She thought that was a bit ridiculous for a garden wall. She said they’d offered the money initially incase their work did contribute.

I just feel sorry for Neighbour B.

OP posts:
TheSaltedCaramelPath · 25/08/2025 09:13

They could both go to an independent mediator to try and resolve it - if they were in the right open mindset and inclined to do that.

But it sounds like A has turned nasty.

If provoked / threatened B could mention that “they are seeking advice from The Law Society….(with doorbell footage?) - which might give A pause for thought about their threatening behaviour…

And the good suggestions that @Mauvehoodie gives above.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 25/08/2025 09:15

Keep well out of it.

gannett · 25/08/2025 09:17

Why on earth do you think you need to do anything except stay well out of it?

Especially as Neighbour A is moving anyway? Your input is not required here in the slightest.

watchingplanesicantafford · 25/08/2025 09:18

Goodness me, I'm pretty nosy but even I wouldn't be going to a neighbours to check out their evidence!