Husband refuses to help clean

[PerfectlyRightMum]

Me and hubby are about to have our first baby together. Our plan is that I'm going to be taking a year off work and have started mat leave early.

We agreed that as he works full time and I'll be off, it's my responsibility to buy, clean and prepare the baby bits and the house, so we're ready when the time comes. I'm happy with this arrangement. I love to clean, however, I'm currently 7 months pregnant and have really started to get into the nesting phase.

I'm really struggling with cleaning the bathroom and hunching over the bath.
Hubby is refusing to help wash out the bath for me, my back is killing me.
I've looked online and some people suggest using a mop, but ours is one of those Vileda ones and it can be quite heavy when it's all wet.

Am I being unreasonable because I'd like him to wash out the bath, even though we did fairly agree that I would do all the cleaning because I'm not working?

If I am being unreasonable, please give me some tips.

Gosh, my Fiance would tell me to stop cleaning and do it himself! Being pregnant is hard and actually he should be taking on more than he was doing prior to you becoming pregnant because of the strain on you and the fact you’re carrying his baby! So yea .. I think he can ATLEAST rinse out the bath

Another piece of shit man

Tip 1. Don’t clean the bath.
Tip 2. Speak to your Doc or Midwife and get them to write down you are not permitted to bend/stretch over bath until after birth (min 6weeks)

i’m sorry you are procreating with this cretin. please surround yourself with loving, helpful, non judgemental people up to and after birth.

You made an agreement when neither of you knew how the end of pregnancy would go or having a newborn would be. These things need to be renegotiated constantly depending on how it all plays out. I'm currently 7.5 m pregnant and really struggling physically. It's my 3rd pregnancy and I'd forgotten how exhausting it all is, but my husband does all the cooking at the weekends, hangs up washing etc even though he is working full time and I'm a sahm. Your husband needs to understand that you're a team and this can't all be on you

This makes me feel so sad. I really struggled to move towards the end of pregnancy. I literally did nothing as I couldn’t.

And once the baby is born you will have days where you can’t even eat let alone clean.

I am sorry he is so selfish. Maternity leave is not the same as being a stay at home parent/wife. It’s about preparing and recovering for child birth. Then to look after said baby.

Fuck me, he's about 1.5 months away from having to do that full list of stuff AND work full time, but yeah sure force a heavily pregnant woman carrying your child to be in pain to prove a petty point

WTF is wrong with him! For want of a better word he sounds like a right twunt!

What kind of human does not WANT to help the person carrying their child. It really does not bode well for you I’m afraid. I had two kids with a man like this. Only 12 months between them so not a lot of time for the reality to sink in. But having him stand behind me as I was vomiting in the toilet, saying they he wasn’t going to take time off work to help look after a baby and toddler, was just one of the many ways he showed me who he was. My new favourite piece of advice is when someone shows you who they are, believe them! This needs a short shrift response, if I had my life over again, I wouldn’t waste a second of my time on men like that!

Playing devils advocate here, and it looks like this is an unpopular opinion, but…
Does the bath need cleaning? Does your husband feel that perhaps it’s clean enough? Maybe you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here….? These things matter a lot when you’re nesting, but in reality, it’s just not that important. It would be nice if your husband helped, simply based on the fact that it’s important to you, but maybe the hormones have taken over here and maybe it’s ok to just let it go. For your physical and mental health.

That’s awful. My daughter has four children: 5, 3, 2 and a month. Her husband cooks, cleans (a bit obsessively), plays, and works full time in the armed forces. He doesn’t do it because he’s a saint, he does it because they are a team.

Even if you thought your pregnant wife was totally la banane 🍌 would it really be much of a hardship to give it a scrub and a rinse for 5 mins... ?

Do you not remember tv ads from way back where men were out at 2am haunting the aisles of Tesco looking for pickles and icecream in the pouring rain on behalf of their pregnant partners?
You do act of service and kindness for people you love.

Even if the barh was "fine" at WORST op is asking for a small act of kindness while heavily pregnant from the man thats supposed to love and cherish her until death...

Did you not realise that he was a lazy prick before settling down and creating a family?

Oh I am so sorry you are no stuck with this man who prioritises his laziness over your wellbeing

Another man who wanted a wife and child but did not want to be a husband and father.

You shouldn't have committed to all cleaning till you know what your baby is going to be like. If you have a baby that hates being out down and only contact naps you will have very little time to do all the chores. Even if they do sleep in a moses basket by the time you've got them down, cleaned bottles if using and done washing their awake and ready for another feed.

If this particular chore is difficult he should be helping and not being so petty and inconsiderate.

What happens if you end up needing an emergency c section like I did? You will not bring doing anything above carrying for your baby for the first couple of weeks and even then need to take it easy for about 6 to 8 weeks to let it heal, if you don't it will re open and get infected, take it from someone who found out the hard way!

He needs to help out regardless of what has been agreed.

His job is full time, yours when the baby gets here will be 24/7. He needs to help clean, starting from now and ending when he dies.

This does not bode well OP. You do realise this probably means he will be leaving all aspects of baby care to you because he’s ‘working’ (meanwhile, of course, caring for a baby full time…total walk in the park….)?

Well it's simple, don't clean the bathroom or do anything that hurts you. You've told him and so if he wants a sparkling bsth he can clean it.
Also don't have anymore children with this wank sock.

Wow so he is happy to allow you unnecessary struggle pain potential injury because you agreed to clean ? I'm sorry you are having a baby with this selfish man baby

Wow! Shame you’ve chosen to have a baby with him as he sounds selfish and it’s a sign of things to come sadly when you need his help with the baby. Regardless of whether I’m pregnant or not, if doing something hurts my back etc, my husband would fall over in his hurry to help me. He’s an arse and a selfish one at that! Good luck getting him to do night feeds etc as I’m sure he’ll say he’s the one working so will need a good night’s sleep so basically, you’ll be single mum…

Every fucking day there’s a woman on here who’s managed to tie herself to a shitty man.

The fact you even had a conversation like this is ridiculous. You are a family. You work together to keep your home habitable.

Sounds like a massive bell to me. Always amazes me when people tell me these things about their partners and then wonder incredulously how it all unravelled later on.
you are going to need him to do a LOT of cleaning in the next year.

This has to be a joke right? Your husband is a nasty, selfish prick

You’ve made a rod for your own back here. What if you have a difficult birth or a C-section? Can tell you now, you won’t be doing much at all for weeks/months and he will have to get off his arse. This is even if all goes to plan and you have a normal delivery. You will need rest and plenty of it. He should be using his leave to help you and support you, he should be running around after you and helping with the baby. He’s currently refusing to clean a bath knowing you’re in pain? If he’s refusing to help now when he can see your pregnancy is affecting you physically he will only get worse. He’s an arrogant prick with zero morals. He isn’t a man. I’d wrap that wet mop around his face before beating him with it.

I'm 7 months pregnant, not only has my husband been doing far more of the housework the last while, he did it without me even saying a thing. I also told him I couldn't wash our toddlers hair in the bath anymore as it was hurting me stretching over. Next bath he did it without question and I didn't even have to remind him.

This really does not bode well for going further OP! You are on maternity leave, you didn't just stop working for no reason. You are still financially contributing to the house so I don't understand why he thinks he doesn't have to do a thing! (Not that he should get away with it anyway). Does he seriously think this is going to continue because if this is your first baby you are both in for a shock when baby arrives.

He will certainly have to pull his finger out once baby is born, working FT or not!

Do really think the twat the op is married to, will do anything post birth if he can’t be arsed pre birth?

This is who he is, a selfish entitled twat, you need to decide if this type of man is worth more of your time.

You may as well leave him now.

Honestly just cut out the middle man.

The middle man in this instance is years of wasted life with an idiot who doesn't value his heavily pregnant wife.

He's going to be a shit dad.