My partner broke up with me for telling lies

[Luciferthethird]

I accidentally put telling lies in the titl, I meant keeping secrets

I F36 have been with my DP M34 for 2 years we don’t live together because between us we have 6 kids he has 4 and he keeps them every other weekend and I have 2 mostly full time.
Our homes aren’t big enough and we would like to buy together so we were saving a deposit.

Now onto the secrets, before we met I used to have a situationship with someone in the same workforce as my partner but not the same area.

I didn’t tell my partner about this because in my mind it was in the past, it’s my business and I didn’t want to make his work place uncomfortable.
My situationship doesn’t have any feelings for me nor him me but if we bump into each other at the gym we’d usually stop for a chat.

I should have told him when we chatted at the gym in front of DP and I tried I really did but I couldn’t bring myself to.
My DP got a transfer to the same workplace as my situationship and well it turns out someone from work knew about us and spread it around his work and my partner felt like everyone was talking about him until someone finally told him what was being said.
They also said that my situationship had a girlfriend at the time and that I was aware and met with him anyway, I didn’t I assumed if he was messaging me they’d separated. My DP didn’t like that I would be willing to sleep with someone in a relationship, I wouldn’t have if I’d known.

My partner was not happy but we talked it out and seemed to move on. That was 18 months ago

Now onto the next secret, my friends all female wanted to go on a trip. I agreed and it was booked. My partner is a little insecure about these things so I put off telling him when I did tell him he told me he’d seen it on my phone (said he wasn’t snooping but had seen a notification about it) the month before and was just waiting for me to tell him.

He felt that it was a singles trip, and that the one single girl in the group would be bringing boys back to the room etc. this did not happen. So now the previous (situationship) lie and this one is coming up and long story short he’s broken up with me, says he can’t trust me has removed me from all social media and is already on tinder.

I go from feeling like I’m glad it’s done to wanting to beg him to come back

I just don’t know what to do, do you think I should have done better? Should I have told him all these things straight away?

He’s also said he doesn’t know if he can live with me and that he likes things organised, I am organised but life has been hectic atm

I’ve been loyal to him I’ve never cheated I just love and miss him so much but I can’t believe that someone who claims to love me could do this to me

This will not leave it will only get worse and then desperate by which time you'll have wasted your energy if you think it'll get better.

Opening the car door before going home?

A lot of people say someone's past isn't relevant and none of a partner's business, but I disagree.

Your past shows your decision making. I find casual relationships a turn off and also, there was a rumour, he had a partner and you didn't follow up on this. E were most likely the other woman.

I also wouldn't like that if I thought my current partner had been sleeping with a woman who had a boyfriend.

Most of the time, our current partners will never find out about our exes or the circumstances so there are some things that are a need to know basis. but in this case, you knew there was a high chance he would find out, and you should have told him.

He had to find out from people at work instead, and that's pretty embarrassing.

The holiday, I think, is a red herring. I think he'd already decided he didn't really want to be with you and you saying you were going on, holiday was just the tipping point and an excuse end it, but he wanted to already. Because of other reasons.

and he owes you money!

do not take him back

he's injured and feeling sorry for himself

he'll be trying to get back with you. guarantee

If they were not in the same work place and never meet you wouldn't have told him about your ex, I mean who tells anyone about past boyfriends, why would anyone want to know, the pasts the past, and the people at work sounds like stupid gossip mongers.
He didn't waste much time going on Tinder while you are too upset about him leaving. No as others have said you are better off and he has done you a favour.
Hope you find someone who you can be relaxed with. You really haven't lied you just have kept quiet about stuff which is different.

Oh and get your stuff and money back and just fuck him off.

I can’t say I’d be interested in a bare minimum dad with 4 kids in the first place, release him back to the wild.

Agree totally, I'm a chap and the lies of omission would have been red flags to me, so I can understand him being upset.

However also as you say, he seems to have issues with jealousy, which isn't good, but again these were stirred by the OPs lies.

It doesn't sound like he or OP were suited in anything but a superficial way and its good he is moving on for his sake and also OPs.

He sounds really hard work and controlling and critical of you. I think you will be far happier without him. And you should be with someone who really likes you. I don’t think he does.

You two sound incompatible. I hope you get your money back.

You’ve done, literally nothing wrong.

Let this horrible little insecure bin fire of a man wallow in his own inadequacy. You’ve had a wonderful escape.

I agree with this.
The situationship must have been a hotbed of gossip - it’s clear he would find out and feel the way he did. I’d feel the same to be honest, it all sounds very silly.
I wouldn’t run after him.

You deserved to be dropped. In any relationship, trust is a key factor.
Deliberately hiding things from him betrayed that trust and made him feel vulnerable and ridiculous (at work).

You say you ‘accidentally’ typed ‘lies’ in your thread title. That wasn’t accidental. You know that by not telling him the truth, you were lying to him.

If roles were reversed and he had done the same to you, you’d be freaked out, and people on here would be telling you this is the tip of the iceberg. Having a dubious relationship with the truth is a non-starter for a relationship. .

If you watch any drama/soap opera, ALL the trouble stems from poor communication, lies and secrets.
You created trouble, and you reap what you sow.

Of course you don't 'have 'o' anything. He can give your stuff to an intermediary. No point in you getting involved! You've ended up in a position which I don't think will ever change. He will never ever trust you so just make it part of a learning curve and move on.

This all sounds very messy OP, you're avoiding telling him things, he's insecure, jealous and controlling - and you're thinking of buying a house for your 6 children to live in as a blended family?

This all sounds like a really, really bad idea. Don't move your kids in with this man OP. Don't force them to share their space with him and 4 other children they barely know. Why would you do that to them?