My partner broke up with me for telling lies

[Luciferthethird]

I accidentally put telling lies in the titl, I meant keeping secrets

I F36 have been with my DP M34 for 2 years we don’t live together because between us we have 6 kids he has 4 and he keeps them every other weekend and I have 2 mostly full time.
Our homes aren’t big enough and we would like to buy together so we were saving a deposit.

Now onto the secrets, before we met I used to have a situationship with someone in the same workforce as my partner but not the same area.

I didn’t tell my partner about this because in my mind it was in the past, it’s my business and I didn’t want to make his work place uncomfortable.
My situationship doesn’t have any feelings for me nor him me but if we bump into each other at the gym we’d usually stop for a chat.

I should have told him when we chatted at the gym in front of DP and I tried I really did but I couldn’t bring myself to.
My DP got a transfer to the same workplace as my situationship and well it turns out someone from work knew about us and spread it around his work and my partner felt like everyone was talking about him until someone finally told him what was being said.
They also said that my situationship had a girlfriend at the time and that I was aware and met with him anyway, I didn’t I assumed if he was messaging me they’d separated. My DP didn’t like that I would be willing to sleep with someone in a relationship, I wouldn’t have if I’d known.

My partner was not happy but we talked it out and seemed to move on. That was 18 months ago

Now onto the next secret, my friends all female wanted to go on a trip. I agreed and it was booked. My partner is a little insecure about these things so I put off telling him when I did tell him he told me he’d seen it on my phone (said he wasn’t snooping but had seen a notification about it) the month before and was just waiting for me to tell him.

He felt that it was a singles trip, and that the one single girl in the group would be bringing boys back to the room etc. this did not happen. So now the previous (situationship) lie and this one is coming up and long story short he’s broken up with me, says he can’t trust me has removed me from all social media and is already on tinder.

I go from feeling like I’m glad it’s done to wanting to beg him to come back

I just don’t know what to do, do you think I should have done better? Should I have told him all these things straight away?

He’s also said he doesn’t know if he can live with me and that he likes things organised, I am organised but life has been hectic atm

I’ve been loyal to him I’ve never cheated I just love and miss him so much but I can’t believe that someone who claims to love me could do this to me

Tbf, I'd want to know something that might put me off someome at the early stages of dating. By the time you're married, living together and sharing finances, it can often feel its too late or much harder to extricate yourself. Because it is.

Honesty is important because then people can decide if this is the sort of person they want to be with. It also demonstrates and builds trust.

The OP hid something from her boyfriend that she thought he might dump her for if he knew. He found put, the trust was broken and so he dumped her.

A simple explanation of how she'd once casually dated his colleague and later discovered he was actually married or whatever would have meant he didn't feel like he was the last to know when it became workplace gossip.

No one has the right to know every detail of another person's past but it's the decent thing to do to give them a heads up when it's going to impact them..

Regardless of him being an arse or not or you keeping secrets....even if you get back together, this will always be in the background. He will never fully trust you and you will always be trying to make amends.

Promise you, this relationship is dead in the water. Don't waste your time with it. Move on

I agree, you both sound really immature and he sounds like a shit parent which should be a massive red flag to you

What on earth is a 'situationship'???

Agree
He sounds like a controlling prat who judges you and snoops on your phone and from what you've said here someone you can't be honest with him due to his reactions.
He wants you to beg and run now to get control let him go

Had a child with a man like this! Never felt so insecure and like I was going mad, as I did when I was with him! He’s insecure and controlling! Men like this act a certain way, so you feel you can’t be transparent with them in case you offend them. So you start avoiding telling them things to avoid confrontation and then they find out what you’ve been keeping from them and make a big thing about it! That’s no way to live!

It’s him who has the lucky escape!

Ew what a big whiny baby and how desperate to go on tinder right away and how immature to block you. Congrats on getting rid of him.

Because?

This.

You didn’t tell him about either thing because you feared his reaction.

His ‘insecurity’ is very close to jealousy and control.

I bet he was snooping in your phone, and he then went on to test you / set a trap to see when you would tell him. If he had innocently seen a message he could have just said. His suspicions about men coming back are just ridiculous.

It wasn’t a healthy relationship.

And it’s good you are thinking of some counselling because it would be good to work on your self esteem and boundaries before going into another relationship.

I couldn’t think of another way to describe it “friends with benefits” might of been better I wanted to get across that it wasn’t a relationship 🤷‍♀️

I’m just going to address about his children, it’s hard to put all the details in one post.
He would have his kids more and during holidays and such he does. They live an hours drive away and with school and their routines they find it works better this way. This was the arrangement their mother asked for

I spoke to him on the phone, I have only spoken to him once on the phone since this happened
I didn’t go into too much with him because he’s on pain medication, he brought up the money and told me he gets paid tomorrow and he’s going to pay me back then and he brought up tinder told me he was sorry he was drunk and lonely and that it wasn’t fair to me and that’s he’s not speaking or dating anyone. Not that he could with his injuries atm
I left the conversation there.
His immaturity levels throughout all this have absolutely astounded me.

OP, no one has the right to police your language.

I’m glad you saw it as a situationship rather than a relationship.

And he’s not a FWB because he’s not a friend.

Ignore all the nitpickers like @Propagandalf and @Mydadsbirthday

Interesting.
there have been many threads where women have a male partner who lies and they are told to dump them….

To be fair not one person has told me to make it work

Seconded, with extreme urgency! Any future with a man like this will bring you daily misery. Look at how you feel now!
Please, please don’t tell yourself he’s fundamentally a solid character just going through a bad moment. No, he’s unavoidably shown you the tip of a bloody ginormous iceberg of generalised resentment, and intentions concerning abject submission. (Plus, getting a housekeeper-cum-child minder)

Just get that money back pronto, ignoring stuff about his injuries and his misery, and wash him out of your hair. He’ll survive.
Find a man whose company lifts you up rather than brings you down. :-)

If you can't be open, honest and transparent in a relationship, then you are with the wrong person.

There’s lies, and then there’s mild fibbing rather for self-protection, when your partner has an unhealthy and volatile attitude to your private business from way back when.

What even is a situationship?

Lies (even lying by omission) and secrets are corrosive to relationships. He can’t trust you (be it his insecurities or your half truths). It’s finished. Draw a line and move on.

just know keeping secrets and lying are exactly the same thing

You e dodged a bullet there

I think you should have told him about these things much sooner. It’s a mistake you know not to repeat in future relationships. And if you find yourself not wanting to tell a partner something like this because you’re worried about how they will react, then that in itself is a bad sign. Next time, even if you’re worried about how someone will react, just bite the bullet and tell them. Hopefully you’ll be wrong and they won’t react badly, but if they do you’ll know straight away that they’re not someone you can have a healthy relationship with so you can move on.

How much money does he owe you?

What on earth is a situationship?

hooking up for sex without ties of relationship