To have just left the pub?

[BouldersRocksStonesPebbles]

On holiday. Sight seeing cut short to accommodate the football game this afternoon. It was something DH wanted to see, I would have enjoyed but wasn't fussed and he chose football over it, so it is what it is. I have told DH previously that I am sick of football dictating what we do and this time I said well maybe as we are away you can just miss this game? No.
So we get to the pub. DD is cranky as hasn't eaten. There's nothing there she really wants but settles on chips. We then have to move tables as the waitress comes over to our table and says it's booked at 5. I have no interest in the football and was going to enjoy a coffee and read my kindle.
DH says he's worried about the dogs we have left back at the air b n b . I say ok what do you want to do? No food order at this point. He said - almost in shock - well I am going to stay here! Do you want to go back and dog sit? Well no, not really but I cant be bothered with the bullshit about it so I get up and leave. Tbh I would have left anyway, I didn't want to eat and I am not interested in football. But it was the way he said it in shock like there was any option of him putting his worry for the dogs over his need to watch a football match. It's his dog that is the problem, not mine. My dog was quite happy sleeping on the sofa.
Anyway I had to go back in as I realized I didn't have the keys. And he refused to give them to me! And said he wouldn't give them to me if I was behaving in that manner, walking out and shaking my head (as once again, football comes first! And if I had stayed it would have escalated anyway with DD saying for me to leave to check the dogs so I just thought it's easier to go now. And if anything did happen or would be my fault anyway.). After repeating a few times after he was shaving a go at me about my behavior "are you refusing to give me the keys?" he eventually gave in and gave them to me so I am back here at the b and b.
Was ibu?

The one thing that's non negotiable for me is respect. Once that's tampered with it's full on response from me. I don't care about what anyone else wants to do, I'm quite self sufficient and can do things on my own. But if anyone told me to go and check the dogs, and then refused to give me the keys it would be full on back at them from me.

I obviously wasn't there so don't know the full story, but everyone deserves respect and to keep their own dignity and not be spoken to like that.

Next thing he wants to do OP say yes, that's fine love I'll see you later, and off you go to somewhere nice and peaceful, big coffee and a book. No dogs either, that's his job this time.

Stand up for yourself. Give the feckers an inch and they take a mile. Respect is non negotiable.

DD is mid teens.

I can’t believe the hard time you’re getting here, OP!

The football is a red herring – it’s fine to want to watch the football in the pub on holiday, of course it is! It’s not fine to then go “Oh, the dogs…?” and make them someone else’s problem because you want to stay in the pub and want your partner to volunteer to do the errand; then withhold keys until your partner has changed her behaviour to suit you – that part is verging on abusive. So you not only have to check on his dog on his say-so, but you have to perform it nicely, to his satisfaction? Fuck him and I hope his team lost.

Exactly. If he was worried about the dogs but it was fine for him to stay and then saying it's fine for me to stay and act shocked like he would do something about it, then why mention it at all? :/

So it sounds like DH and DD were happy to watch footie, and you were happy to sit and read. Everyone fine.

The spanner in the works was DH going "ooohhh my dog!"

Ohhhh my dog was clearly code for "I want to focus on the footie in peace without my wife and kid. I can't tell them to eff off because I'll look like an arsehole and the wife has already talked about football being an issue, so I'll just blame the dog"

Trouble is, he wasn't betting on you asking what he wanted to do about it, instead of just gallantly volunteering to leave him in peace (like he thought you would do) so he looked like an arsehole anyway, he didn't like his plan being thwarted, and he took it out on you. Hence the punishment over the keys.

He should have just been straight, he wanted to be left alone with his precious match, but he knew you'd have an issue so he made shit up. He IS an arsehole!

I got my dog as a gift. He is very old now.
DH went and bought a dog without discussion at a very difficult time and it is a dog that is hard to manage and far too heavy for me to even walk. He is also reactive and responds only to DH. I didn't want a second dog, and this one especially limits us massively.

Was he drunk? I don't understand him voicing his concern about his dog being left, you offering to go back to the Airbnb (easy solution and very kind on your part) and him refusing to give the keys. Unless you were at a dog friendly pub and he wanted to bring the dogs along, what was he expecting would happen?

And why refuse to give me the keys if he was worried about the dog? He got what he wanted. The dogs were being seen to.
Ok perhaps I overreacted. But then he took it to another level with the keys.
No doubt they will come home and it will be my fault for ruining the afternoon.

I think, like most threads on MN, that your main issue is not the one you wrote about. There is a huge lack of respect for you in your marriage. You may have written about it before, I’m not sure (maybe there is more than one unfortunate woman who is married to a man who bought a dog she hates and has excluded her from her DD’s life ). But it all sounds familiar.

I really think you need to ask yourself, is this what I want for my remaining years on earth? And if the answer is no, what are you going to do about it.

Then ask for advice from the good people here.

I hope he’s a Man Utd supporter. Ok, they didn’t lose but they didn’t win either 🥳

That’s the real issue isn’t it OP?

He’s a man that feels entitled to your labour and becomes abusive when he doesn’t get it. Time to LTB.

So did you take the dogs up with you or were they on the holiday with them before you arrived?

That’s precisely why. He probaBly realised he made himself look like a dick in front of DD so he then turned it on you, so they can bond on how unreasonable you are and how it was all your fault. Otherwise your daughter might actually start seeing him for what he is… an absolute prick.

Engineer a situation to get rid of your partner so you can watch it though? That's the cunts trick.

I think for the rest of the holiday I'd just leave him to it tbh. Mines a football fanatic, as is my son but they wouldn't do that. They would just check the score if I wasn't happy.

Neither of them would tell me to go back to any b&b to babysit a dog so they can watch it.

Another clue that you might be in an abusive relationship - you had no say over a major decision like getting a dog.

I keep telling my football mad grandsons to ensure they only marry women who are interested in football.

I let football run my life bc I love it and I wouldn't want to be married to someone who did not like football.

They're on holiday, who the fuck is he to volunteer her up for dog sitting his dog while he stays out watching the football? I'm also a football fan, it doesn't make anyone here super special, just apparently more likely to completely miss the point. He behaved like a dick.

Football turns people mad, I'm afraid. I used to dread ex-DH's team losing (which they usually did!) because it poisoned the whole weekend.

Now very happily married to someone who has not the slightest interest in football 🥳🥳🥳

The U.K. is bizarrely obsessed with football. The sheer amount of coverage given to one sport is mental. Not to mention the tribalism and violence it creates. I do question the national intelligence when it comes to it. Very odd.

You left your dogs in a rental property and one was on the sofa!!

Not ok. And I say that as someone who has two large breed dogs. We take them on holiday. We would either have taken them to the pub or one of us would have stayed with them while the other went out.

OP I feel like this is an end of tether thing? People are focusing on this incident which is why it seems like not a huge deal, but I’m guessing this is one of a long line of incidences and the is may be the straw.

Take yourself off with your dog, your book and find a huge glass of wine (or mocktail) and whatever dinner you fancy. If he can choose how he wants to spend his time so can you….

He sounds a right dick.

I can’t understand people who go away on holiday then prioritise spending time staring at a TV watching some blokes kick a ball around. What a waste!

If you plan on staying with him then you need to organise your own entertainment whenever he checks out. Otherwise, you’ll be rehashing this argument every weekend and holiday.

Doh! We have sky/sky go so I forget not everyone can view all the games 🤦🏽‍♀️