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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have just left the pub?

110 replies

BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 16:50

On holiday. Sight seeing cut short to accommodate the football game this afternoon. It was something DH wanted to see, I would have enjoyed but wasn't fussed and he chose football over it, so it is what it is. I have told DH previously that I am sick of football dictating what we do and this time I said well maybe as we are away you can just miss this game? No.
So we get to the pub. DD is cranky as hasn't eaten. There's nothing there she really wants but settles on chips. We then have to move tables as the waitress comes over to our table and says it's booked at 5. I have no interest in the football and was going to enjoy a coffee and read my kindle.
DH says he's worried about the dogs we have left back at the air b n b . I say ok what do you want to do? No food order at this point. He said - almost in shock - well I am going to stay here! Do you want to go back and dog sit? Well no, not really but I cant be bothered with the bullshit about it so I get up and leave. Tbh I would have left anyway, I didn't want to eat and I am not interested in football. But it was the way he said it in shock like there was any option of him putting his worry for the dogs over his need to watch a football match. It's his dog that is the problem, not mine. My dog was quite happy sleeping on the sofa.
Anyway I had to go back in as I realized I didn't have the keys. And he refused to give them to me! And said he wouldn't give them to me if I was behaving in that manner, walking out and shaking my head (as once again, football comes first! And if I had stayed it would have escalated anyway with DD saying for me to leave to check the dogs so I just thought it's easier to go now. And if anything did happen or would be my fault anyway.). After repeating a few times after he was shaving a go at me about my behavior "are you refusing to give me the keys?" he eventually gave in and gave them to me so I am back here at the b and b.
Was ibu?

OP posts:
Pleasegodgotosleep · 24/08/2025 17:20

So you had already agreed to pub, DH & DD to watch football, you to have coffee and read.

He then decided the dogs (mostly his) couldn't be left but he fully expected you to go back and deal with it and was mardy when you didnt immediately jump to what he expected/demanded you do.

When you understandably showed you were happy about thst he then turned it on you and created a huge fuss?

Why are you still there? Id be on my wsy home with dd and my dog. He's a selfish prick.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 24/08/2025 17:21

So you had already agreed to pub, DH & DD to watch football, you to have coffee and read.

He then decided the dogs (mostly his) couldn't be left but he fully expected you to go back and deal with it and was mardy when you didnt immediately jump to what he expected/demanded you do.

When you understandably showed you were happy about thst he then turned it on you and created a huge fuss?

Why are you still there? Id be on my wsy home with dd and my dog. He's a selfish prick.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 24/08/2025 17:21

Why are you both leaving dogs whilst you’re on holiday? Surely the terms and conditions are that the dogs can’t be left alone?

He chooses football over you and the/his dog. What else do you need to know?

He sounds like a useless arsewipe of a man who treats you like a maid. You’re with him because…?

Renamed · 24/08/2025 17:21

well no I think that’s a bit much, football seems a red herring. Essentially it’s “let’s all go in here for a couple of hours” and then as soon as you’re all settled “OH I WONDER WHO IS GOING TO GO AND DO ESSENTIAL THING”. Pretty pass-agg.

landlordhell · 24/08/2025 17:25

I’d have let him go to the pub and I’d have gone off and carried on with my holiday. He can worry about his dog. Pubs allow dogs .

landlordhell · 24/08/2025 17:26

Wishihadanalgorithm · 24/08/2025 17:21

Why are you both leaving dogs whilst you’re on holiday? Surely the terms and conditions are that the dogs can’t be left alone?

He chooses football over you and the/his dog. What else do you need to know?

He sounds like a useless arsewipe of a man who treats you like a maid. You’re with him because…?

This

Robin67 · 24/08/2025 17:29

So it's a mutual interest that you both value and accommodate

Not everyone feels that way

CurbsideProphet · 24/08/2025 17:31

I couldn't stay married to a man who would make such a show of himself and me by refusing to give the keys and publicly "having a go about my behaviour", especially in front of our child.

I grew up in an environment where one parent dictated the mood of everyone by behaving in a similar manner . It's really awful.

AsanteSana · 24/08/2025 17:32

I think that you are getting a really hard time here OP - football (indeed, any sport) bores me rigid, as does the notion of sitting in a pub for hours on end so I, too, would have removed myself from the situation to go and do something (anything) more inspiring. Why waste a holiday watching football and wasting time in a pub - both things which can be done at home, if it interests you. Holidays, surely, are the opportunity to see, do and experience things outside your 'norm". And the way your husband petulantluy refused to give you the keys is childish in the extreme!

CautiousLurker01 · 24/08/2025 17:34

Do you not have aTV at the air b n b to watch the footie?

ie why did he have to choose? I’d have told him to go back and dogsit and watch the game on a device if necessary!

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 24/08/2025 17:37

I don’t know with this one… my DH loves football and so I’m happy to take over child care etc whilst he watched the game this afternoon. I love thrifting so he’s happy to have them on a Sunday morning whilst I go to the car boot… does he allow you to enjoy your free time/hobbie?

Daleksatemyshed · 24/08/2025 17:38

The football isn't the important thing here, it's that the Ops DH thought he and perhaps their DD, should stay at the pub and watch the football whilst the Op went off and looked after the dogs, that and how he thought the Op leaving was a done deal and got stroppy when she didn't just say fine. If the Op had said she was staying at the pub to watch something else would he have been happy to leave her there and go and look after the dogs?

Tanefan · 24/08/2025 17:39

@CautiousLurker01i am guessing it was maybe on Sky so watching at a pub was the only option

Mrsttcno1 · 24/08/2025 17:48

BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 17:19

I would have left anyway as in I would have left for the dogs if he asked but it was the surprised shocked there's no other option than me to be excluded again. Which is an ongoing issue with DH and DD.

Usually I’d agree he’s an arse here but surely it makes sense if the two of them actively enjoy the football and want to watch it whereas you were going to sit and read anyway that you go back? That would obviously be the easiest thing to do as you can read anywhere, and you were already excluding yourself really by sitting reading while they were watching the match?

BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 17:51

Mrsttcno1 · 24/08/2025 17:48

Usually I’d agree he’s an arse here but surely it makes sense if the two of them actively enjoy the football and want to watch it whereas you were going to sit and read anyway that you go back? That would obviously be the easiest thing to do as you can read anywhere, and you were already excluding yourself really by sitting reading while they were watching the match?

I wanted to spend time with them? They have both had two weeks off. I have this weekend.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 24/08/2025 17:52

BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 17:51

I wanted to spend time with them? They have both had two weeks off. I have this weekend.

But you’re not spending quality time with them if you’re sat reading your Kindle and they are sat watching the match anyway? You’re just in the same place at the same time, you’re not really spending any quality time together?

Dartmoorcheffy · 24/08/2025 17:52

No response about the fact you have left your dogs at the air bnb?

hepsitemiz · 24/08/2025 17:53

Your husband behaved like a petulant teen.

Not the point, but you have His ‘n Her dogs?

hepsitemiz · 24/08/2025 17:54

How long were the dogs left unattended?

BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 17:54

Dartmoorcheffy · 24/08/2025 17:52

No response about the fact you have left your dogs at the air bnb?

We specifically asked and it is allowed. We never left them for more than a couple of hours and they are walked for about an hour before we go out so they are tired and settled.

OP posts:
BouldersRocksStonesPebbles · 24/08/2025 17:55

And he was worried about them as we are near the pub and it was loud because of the game ramping up.

OP posts:
Zempy · 24/08/2025 17:55

I would be on my way home with my dog and my DD.

RumJerrySailorRum · 24/08/2025 17:55

I always made my DH take the dog to the pub if he wanted to watch the football....

I would then join him after id been for a mooch round the shops and read my book.

Absolutely no fucking way would he have asked me to leave so he could stay out and I had to sort the dog.

If we were at home, and he wanted to watch the football in the pub, I still made him take the dog out so i could be left in peace at home!

Your DH has been an arse and knows it, hence his strop over the keys!

Piffle11 · 24/08/2025 17:56

I’m not sure what your DH was playing at, refusing to give you the keys. Ridiculous.

But … I would have left anyway, I didn’t want to eat and I am not interested in football

I can understand you being pissed off that he expected you to check in on the dogs, but if you weren’t going to stay or eat anyway, was there really any problem?

I would have left anyway, as in I would have left for the dogs if he asked, but it was the surprised shocked there’s no other option than me to be excluded again. Which is an ongoing issue with DH and DD.

How old is DD? I’ve RTFT but can’t see… Unless I’ve missed it. Do you feel left out when it comes to football? Or do you feel left out about other things as well?

Unless you’re actual avid football supporter, it can be difficult to understand. DH is going away for a long weekend with some friends soon: he’s already found a bar where he can watch his team’s game.

Ohnobackagain · 24/08/2025 17:57

YANBU @BouldersRocksStonesPebbles if he is worried about the dog (his dog) then he either pops back or asks if you’d mind. He doesn’t get to assume you will stop what you’re doing (reading) just because he’s watching the football.

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