How do you forget how many drinks you have had on a night out?

[forevergrateful1]

My boyfriend has went out I posted about this not too long ago. He said he couldnt leave and when he did another drink would be brought for him. I asked how many he has and he can’t remember the exact number but it wasn’t many and he’s not drunk.

if you didn’t have much to drink how would you not remember how much you had ? Is this normal to forget all the time

Youre very blasé about the fact hes drink driving. Id be reporting him to the police and as far as the relationship goes that would be a deal breaker for me.

From your OP I’d have said it’s fair play he’s had an impromptu night out and doesn’t need policing.
But from your other updates - he’s got a history of drinking, he’s out by himself, he has driven home while drunk, he has work the following day and is unable to get himself up - you need have a discussion with him about his drinking. It’s not about ‘how many’ as qns like that won’t get answered - it’s about what’s safe and reasonable, especially on a work day, and what your non-negotiable are (eg home by x on a work night, you can’t be worried about him or responsible for getting him up in the morning). Your next steps will be determined by his response.

Why does it matter?

What you're describing is someone who has a drink problem and drives drunk. The precise number of drinks is irrelevant.

He’s got better things to do than tally up his drinks while enjoying a night out…

Because drunk driving cost lives!

Run for the hills OP, he couldn’t leave because he kept being bought more drinks but his brother managed to leave hours ago!

been there got the tshirt they don’t change, it’ll always be the same excuse, and he will get caught drunk driving at some point or he’ll have an accident

this isn’t an arranged night out, this is an after work pint on a Friday that turns into a session, again, it would be fine if it was a one off but it sounds like it’s becoming a regular problem

I struggle to remember how many coffees I’ve had in one day, let alone alcohol on a night out.

If I'd had a significant amount to drink? I'd not be exact about the number....

The important thing is here... HE'S DRIVING DRUNK!!

No way should he be driving if he's had anything more than a pint...

Why are you focusing on his memory rather than whether he's over the limit!!!

Yeah the issue here is that you are feeling responsible for protecting him from the consequences of his drinking (checking he hasn't had too many to get home safely, waking him up for work, perhaps even cleaning up hin sick)

I think this is called co-dependency. You are getting involved in his drink problem, teying to manage it for him.

You won't succeed, noone does. You will however find yourself in a world of pain if you carry on like this.

And the drink driving should be completely unacceptable to you. In your situation I would be saying the drinking stops, or you split. And mean it.

With my DH I just double it, if he’s says 3 or 4 which never happens then I know it’s 8. If he says quite a few then it’s about 12, if he says quite a few, it got pretty messy towards the end of the night then it’s a bender and I’d rather not know.

His driving is shocking.

He shouldn’t have to count his drinks on a night out or plan when to be home (unless needed at home for a specific reason)

He shouldn’t have more than 1 if he’s driving . He could kill someone, that would be a deal breaker for me.

Is this true? You only mentioned him driving once everyone started disagreeing with you. Surely you would lead with the fact he’s drink driving rather than quibbling over 3/4 pints (both of which are over the limit anyway).

Not everyone tracks their drinks and I don’t find it a big deal but of course drink driving is idiotic and selfish.

I couldn’t be with someone who drinks drives. Your issue isn’t how many drinks he’s had, it’s the fact he’s willing to risk people’s lives when he has a drink

He’s a grown adult. He can have as many drinks as he wants. He can stay out as long as he wants. He can drink drive if he wants. It’s up to him. You’re not his minder. It’s not on you to police the number of drinks he’s had or to make sure he gets up for work.

The question is - do you choose to be with someone like this?

I don't count my drinks so would say oh I had 3 or 4, but if I was driving I wouldn't have any or at the most one early in the night, so if he's driving he should be counting. If he's getting home so drunk he's vomiting he's lying about how much he drank and did he drive home in that state?! He very much sounds like he has an alcohol problem. Lying about what he's drinking, driving drunk, getting so drunk it affects his ability to get up for work the next day and he's vomiting all over the bathroom. That's not a normal relationship with alcohol

Why are you so blasé about him drink driving? Not a chance i’d be in a relationship with someone drinking and driving.

You have posted a lot about this man despite only being with him 6 months. He trauma dumps on you, gets drunk, drives while drunk, throws up everywhere, has lots of debt and is STILL spending and breaks his promises to you. You have a young child, focus on that child and leave this terrible relationship while it’s still in its early stages.

why is it your concern he has work tomorrow. He's an adult.

Why is it your concern how much he is drinking, whether he is going out, why does he have to tell you how many drinks he has had, you are exhibiting very controlling behaviours.

If you don't like his actions, then don't date him, but don't think he has to mould his behaviour to what you want, all youre doing is making him lie.

If you want to set a boundary by saying "I wont date a drinker, I won't date someone who is secretive about his whereabouts " - thats fine, but you cant then add on "you have to tell me how many drinks youve had , or you have to not go out if im not there" - thats the difference.

If it was about driving home drunk that would have been the subject of the post. The driving only came up as a secondary reason which is hard believe given its much more serious than not remembering how many you've had.

I don’t drink so I actually don’t know what is over the limit. I googled it and it said it depends on the person. He said 3 or 4 for him is not over the limit.

I’ve told him this is unacceptable and I’m not staying around for it and if he wants to carry on he can be gone. Apparently I’m toxic as I’m making it on my terms. I’m trying to digest everything im finding it overwhelming

Doesn’t matter how many - that’s splitting hairs.

he drives drunk
he vomits all over the bathroom
he isn’t reliable

He’d be an ex bf if it was up to me and it wouldn’t be because he can’t count.

Easily.

I’ve been at my work’s Christmas do before and because it’s an open bar people grab drinks for you, you’re chatting, dancing etc and you just forget.

So, your partner is happy to drink and drive and risk other people’s lives. What a scummy person. I’d focus on that rather than if he can remember how many he has had, and remember that this person might be driving your kids about after ‘3 or 4’ one day.

Drink driving is absolutely inexcusable.

End of story. I would have nothing more to do with him.

regarding forgetting how many you had, I would forget the entire night. That’s why I don’t drink!! Alcohol, by its very nature, makes you want more of it once you start.