Should I assume the date is off?

[Jahavagayxn]

Been talking to a guy for a few weeks from online dating. He seemed very nice and sweet, and keen.

arranged a date for tonight, set a time and location

heard from him last at approximately 4am (he was arriving back from being abroad, text me to let me know he arrived)

I haven't heard from him since then, so all day. i get he would want to sleep in having got back so late but I would have thought he'd be awake by now. I have messages to ask if we're still on. Not read and no answer

at what point do I assume the date is not on? I don't want to start getting ready for nothing

I've seen this confirmation business going around in the Internet. Apparently if you agree on a date and place, it is not on unless you hear from them the same day. Apparently if you agree on a date, it is irrelevant and not texting good morning is the same as cancelling. Dating has gotten even weirder.

If a date, time and location is set, no need to assume the date isn't on.

What a lovely update.

Really pleased for you ❤️

lovely update so glad you had fun!

Well? Did he turn up

Happy for you!

You sound really nervous about dating, just enjoy it!

How nice to find a thread with a happy ending. Good luck, OP.

Very pleased for you, OP.

Ah lovely update! He sounds great, OP. Hope it works out or you at least have a few more enjoyable dates with him!

Yes he did. Read OPs updates.

Omg where have you meet such a man.. which site lol

yeah Ops friends were wrong in this case and maybe didn’t take into consideration the fact he had just got back from a trip so could be sleeping!

However generally speaking there will be valid reasons for people thinking like this though. Dating is weird nowadays in a lot of places.

I had one guy text me a few times while I was away on holiday the week before our planned date. I replied to his last message the day before I got back, which was 2 days before our date, but then he suddenly went silent.

He was meant to send details of our coffee meet up but never heard from him again 🤣
I don’t know if this man just had a change of mind but apparently it’s a red pill thing to show interest then go quiet on the day
of the date so the woman is chasing you!

I’ve heard of cases of women who have been stood up as well and people have blamed them for not triple checking shortly before the date. Even with friend meet ups nowadays some expect to confirm again on the day!

And so? Was there a date in the end?

If it's bungee jumping and he insists that you go first... 😀😉
Have a lovely time 😊

Why not read the OPs posts 🙄

Ahh, so , you’ve not read the thread,grab a cuppa have a catch up.

I feel pretty sorry for men with all this dating stuff that goes around on TikTok! People just make stuff up because they need content and then it somehow becomes gospel, and now if a man doesn't text by 10am the morning of a planned date (with a set time and place), they get grief.

Try not to overthink things and just have fun / enjoy getting to know him OP. And don't get too invested too soon!

Isn't it nice to read some good news !! How exciting, hope your romance continues 😍

Are you aware of how many of the men are behaving? It will shock you rigid if you think some silly fake rules on cancelling are a cause for concern.

Exactly! Listen to the dating stories it’s wild out there and it’s not the men who deserve sympathy for the most part.

Apart from the ghosting on the day that often happens one woman on Instagram was saying how her date stayed for 2 minutes then told her she was too fat, despite the fact she had full length recent pics showing her size.

Cue tonnes of men chiming in to say well she shouldn’t have been so fat then.

Her date obviously knew she was not his body type before the date but turned up to shame her.

I have had two occasions trying to set up a date where a man has invited me to stay at his house “in the spare room” since his house is closer to the place we are meeting, and when I’ve said no (obviously) he has immediately unmatched. It’s pretty scary makes you wonder what their plans were 😱 I am glad I put them off before qe got to the date though. I can’t imagine how men like that would react to a woman saying no on the date.

Someone who is keen and doesn't want to wait a whole week or more longer - if he works and has kids he might not have that many free evenings.

Save that kitty - actually read the thread

OP I'm really glad this has worked out for you, he sounds lovely, and as you say, proactive!

As for the women on here saying that other women have to follow stupid rules in order to counter poor male behaviour, I am here to say you really, really don't. There is a false sense of security in these 'if he hasn't texted x times by x then block and burn' rules that do the rounds on social media. I'm afraid there is no magic formula for predicting and preventing poor male behaviour, and energies would be much better aimed at helping women feel they can tell men to fuck off when they ACTUALLY behave badly, as has been outlined in the previous couple of of posts, rather than making them feel they are responsible for being hypervigilant before the event. That is victim blaming and its own type of misogyny.

I do agree women need to feel empowered to sack off badly behaving men, but actually some of these rules are essentially good advice for avoiding certain situations and men .

Like I’ve learned men who want you to chase them for a first date - when they’ve said they’ll arrange and let you know the details - are not worth pursuing. So I just walk away calmly at that point . I am not down with the push/pull away games. No drama needed. I just stop engaging.

I’ve known some women who have ignored those same signs and ended up getting attached to men who are avoidant /manipulative etc and using them for an ego boost.

It’s not so much about rigidly following arbitrary rules, or at least it shouldn’t be. it’s about picking up on and reacting appropriately to the signs in that specific situation be they red or Green flags.

That said, just as with everything else things can be taken too far and too literally and yeah it can veer into victim blaming or a dogged adherence to rules where they don’t apply.