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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I assume the date is off?

102 replies

Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 13:23

Been talking to a guy for a few weeks from online dating. He seemed very nice and sweet, and keen.

arranged a date for tonight, set a time and location

heard from him last at approximately 4am (he was arriving back from being abroad, text me to let me know he arrived)

I haven't heard from him since then, so all day. i get he would want to sleep in having got back so late but I would have thought he'd be awake by now. I have messages to ask if we're still on. Not read and no answer

at what point do I assume the date is not on? I don't want to start getting ready for nothing

OP posts:
SunflowerLife · 22/08/2025 13:52

Changingplace · 22/08/2025 13:46

It’s not until 6.30, not even any need to be getting ready yet it’s hours off :)

Show quote history

I didn't mean right now..

pizzaHeart · 22/08/2025 13:53

Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 13:50

Thanks all, I think I've been listening to my girls a bit too much (they say if a man doesn't confirm the morning of then it's definitely off!)

now just to decide what to wear!

But he confirmed in the morning as he didn’t say anything different. You can’t do earlier than 4 am! I would say he is really keen

Goditsmemargaret · 22/08/2025 13:55

I would just assume the date is on unless I heard differently. Why did you message and ask if it was? Had he said canceling was a possibility? Get ready, go have fun.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 22/08/2025 13:58

Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 13:50

Thanks all, I think I've been listening to my girls a bit too much (they say if a man doesn't confirm the morning of then it's definitely off!)

now just to decide what to wear!

Yeah, that's a bit nuts. Once you've arranged a place and time, then it's on unless someone gets in touch to say it's off.

Admittedly it's been a few years since I was dating, but I'd have been forever getting stood up if women were expecting a morning-of confirmation from me!

Original poster
Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 14:01

Goditsmemargaret · 22/08/2025 13:55

I would just assume the date is on unless I heard differently. Why did you message and ask if it was? Had he said canceling was a possibility? Get ready, go have fun.

It wasn't a message specifically to ask if he was cancelling. I was responding to things on his last message and then said something along the lines of hope tonight is still ok as you didn't get in until 4am

OP posts:
Heyhelga · 22/08/2025 14:02

Bit strange he agreed to a date the evening after arriving early in the morning after an international trip. I'm sure it'll be fine. Hope it goes well.

Onthebusses · 22/08/2025 14:03

If you've set a date and time I'd get ready and go and take a book and my phone and look forward to some reading and Proseccos alone at worst case scenario.

19lottie82 · 22/08/2025 14:15

Heyhelga · 22/08/2025 14:02

Bit strange he agreed to a date the evening after arriving early in the morning after an international trip. I'm sure it'll be fine. Hope it goes well.

Is it? It’s 14.5 hours after he gets home, that’s more than enough time to sleep and get spruced up. I don’t find that strange in the slightest.

Heyhelga · 22/08/2025 14:18

19lottie82 · 22/08/2025 14:15

Is it? It’s 14.5 hours after he gets home, that’s more than enough time to sleep and get spruced up. I don’t find that strange in the slightest.

Show quote history

As long as he doesn't start yawning during the date ha. Na seriously I probably would have suggested that we meet up another time over the weekend. I certainly wouldn't put myself forward for a date if it were me arriving from a foreign trip at 4am for that evening.

iamnotalemon · 22/08/2025 14:41

I’d be interested to know what percentage of people on here are telling you not to worry and of course it’s going ahead, are happily married and having dated in decades!!

(I expect he’s still asleep but I would prefer to be text back before the date too - even if you have arranged a time and place).

Original poster
Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 15:04

I've just heard from him, date is going ahead!

OP posts:
Okyeswaitno · 22/08/2025 15:07

Fab! Hope it goes well!

PeonyPatch · 22/08/2025 15:11

Yay, good luck!!!

Spidey66 · 23/08/2025 15:08

give him a chance! He’s likely still asleep. Even if awake, he’s probably got stuff to catch up on…post, emails, washing etc.

eta just seen update!

iamnotalemon · 23/08/2025 15:11

Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 15:04

I've just heard from him, date is going ahead!

How did it go?

lotsofpatience · 23/08/2025 15:40

And so?

GutsyPeachExpert · 23/08/2025 15:49

You have set time and location so why does he need to confirm?

TicklishMintDuck · 23/08/2025 16:15

I would assume it’s still on. If he got in at 4am he’s probably still sleeping.

Tiredhungovermummy · 23/08/2025 16:20

How did it go OP? Dating after the end of a marriage it horrendous. I met some horrors 🙃

YenSon · 23/08/2025 16:36

Absolutely agree with this. Date and time already arranged. No actual need to check it’s still on. I’d only be expecting to hear from him if it’s off.

AlfonX · 23/08/2025 16:37

disappointedconfused · 22/08/2025 13:29

Christ give him a chance

Yep!

If he had woken to 50 missed calls & texts, it would definitely be off! 🚩🚩🚩

Ivy888 · 23/08/2025 16:37

Jahavagayxn · 22/08/2025 13:50

Thanks all, I think I've been listening to my girls a bit too much (they say if a man doesn't confirm the morning of then it's definitely off!)

now just to decide what to wear!

God woman, use your common sense! If you have arranged a time and place the date is not off unless someone actively cancels. Would you expect a job interview to be off unless you were getting constant reminders every 30 minutes that it hasn’t been cancelled?
I think you need to find a new set of friends. These girls sound like self destructive drama queens.

d317 · 23/08/2025 16:37

Let us know how it went 😁

Louisiannadaisy · 23/08/2025 16:52

How was the date? I’m invested.

Charlize43 · 23/08/2025 16:52

He's been sleeping all day so I assume this evening he'll be all frisky and ready for lots of fun.

My cat is the same she wakes up after 16 hours of sleeping and expects me to entertain her with her feathered toys or else she gets annoyed and bites my ankles (wear long trousers tonight).