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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex is getting worse - I need to walk away

2 replies

Thebirdrobin · 22/08/2025 11:45

So since the last episode of him turning up announced, my DD has barely seen him
His gf wasn't pregnant, all a lie

My solicitor advised to keep contact to a certain time, he didn't like this so went the other way, just not bothering with her at all.
Doesn't call, or text her and has completely ignored me for the last 3 weeks.
He stopped paying completely begining of July, I asked for help towards her new uniform (I'm currently going through redundancy, so all very stressful) told me to "go fuck myself, stop asking for more money and to give up)
CMS have been trying to contact him, but he ignores there calls and letters, they seem completely useless at the moment.

He doesn't seem to care about our DD now, said he's "very happy with his new family and to stop pestering him"

My DD no doesn't want to speak to him, I spilt with the guy I was seeing as it's all become to much for me with the redundancy and my DD is struggling with lack of contact with dad.

I don't know what to do, I'm heartbroken for my DD, struggling financially and worried for her future.
Part of me knows she needs her dad, so I will do what is needed (safe environment) to keep contact but at the same time, I'm not his PA or secretary, I shouldn't have to tell him to see his DD.

He never helped through the school holidays either, I've been lucky to have family and friends help, he offered to take her for a day and give her to his gf to look after (not take the day off)

Please help, it's gone so far the other way I don't think we can find a way back
Won't do mediation either

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 22/08/2025 15:53

So, two issues

  • he's ghosted his child
  • he won't pay CMS

He is a complete shit, of course. And you cannot change that.

What you can do is support your child in her grief and anger. He knows where you and she are, and if he wants to contact her he can. But it's pointless nagging him to see her, she won't be fooled.

On CMS I have no experience to offer but hope others will have some suggestions.

Thebirdrobin · 23/08/2025 12:55

Yes, she talks to me about how she's feeling, I'm also planning to speak to her teacher when she returns in 2 weeks, she's really sad at the moment and what makes it worse is that his gf has children, so she thinks he would rather see them then her, he also refused to see her on her own, his gf and her children will also be with him.

CMS are useless, I've heard others say but it's not until you are in it that you realise just how unfit and backwards the system is.
If I stopped feeding, clothing and taking care of my child's needs I would be charged with neglect! Very one sided.
I've prepared myself to be a loan parent, I just feel very guilty for my DD, she doesn't deserve this.

OP posts:
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