To think men only respect women they aren’t attracted to?

[SharpTaupeCrow]

It seems like the second a woman is attractive to a man, she’s sexualised, underestimated or dismissed. The women men actually “respect” tend to be the ones they don’t desire. AIBU?

This is suggesting that men don't respect their wives or if they do respect them, they dont desire them. I don't agree with this.

Honestly not my experience at work. I mean men can be shits to women for all sorts of reasons but my anecdotal observation from years of office based work is that they underestimate ugly women much more.

That's also reasonably supported by evidence by the way. Attractive women earn more, are promoted earlier and are less likely to be dismissed. None of that sounds like being underestimated or disrespected.

I just think that most men don't actually like women. They like sleeping with them, but that's all. Men who genuinely like women are rarer than rocking horse shit.
I have a friend who would absolutely tell you he loves women, been known to wear one of those 'this is what a feminist looks like' t-shirts and has never been out with a woman over 30 (he's 62 now). He's the Leonardo de Caprio of North London.

I just think that most men don't actually like women.

It's like saying that most women don't actually like men. It might be true on MN where men are some weird different alien species sent to earth to destroy or enslave womenkind.

In real life, men and women are just people. Some you like, some you don't.

I think it's also true that PEOPLE have more respect for attractive people in general.

Yes, all men are the same. There's no difference between any of them. They all think the same way.

Same with women, all just a homogeneous block.

Men do this, women do that. It's so simple.

No, I think men (and, for that matter, most people), tend to respect people they think are attractive (whether physically and/or in some other way). That is, of course, a massive generalisation considering there are 6 billion people on the planet.

I don't think this is true. Men really disrespect and are more dismissive of women they perceive to be ugly or (God forbid) fat.

Men and women are the same.
I've seen good men and awful women and good women and awful men.

I think that kind of man doesn't actually respect any woman. They just show it differently depending on what they want from the woman.

I met a guy a while back and we just clicked in every way. Attraction in all ways - physical, emotional, psychological etc with great chemistry. I really liked this guy and I knew he liked me too. We weren't dating (I was just getting out of a relationship) but I thought it would be on the cards in the future.

Then he told me that he'd got into a relationship with someone else. This other woman was younger than me, seemed quite naive in a way, and looked up to this guy, so he felt like her knight in shining armour, and she needed him. Long story short, they broke up after a couple of months.

He then came back to me and said that at the time his feelings for me had been as strong as they had been for her, but he had felt like I was strong, and that she needed him more. He told me how much he respected and admired my character, and he now realises that that is what is important.

Yeah right, fuck that.

I do think there are some men who categorise women into the ones they respect and admire, and then the ones they desire and want to have sex with. It's often the insecure guys who can't handle accepting that the woman can be emotionally and financially independent from them, so they can't control them. They are more attracted to women who they feel are beneath them in some way so they can feel more dominant.

(I don't think all men are like this by the way, just some!)

Men either respect women or they don't. It's entirely binary.

If a man thinks he can and should be able to pay for sex with a woman, he doesn't respect any woman.

If a man thinks he should do half the childcare because they are both parents, he respects women.

If a man has his ego attached to earning a higher salary than his wife, he doesn't respect women (because he is in competition to have a metric for being "better" than her)

If a man approaches childcare as a joint issue and asks what they both need to do by way of jobs, days and hours to support the raising of their children, he respects women.

I really don't understand the whole man hating opinion so many seem to have on here.

My partner absolutely respects not just me but all women, and is obviously attracted to me as well

He's a good, hardworking man and it really actually pisses me off how so many people on here think men are the devil. How did some of you even have children if you despise men so much?

No I don’t think this is right, if anything for a small minority of men it’s the opposite, if they don’t fancy them then they find them without value and are disrespectful. But no I don’t feel you’re correct op and evidence on women’s attractiveness value is well publicised. However men are individuals as we as women are. And they all behave as individuals as we do.

Complete generalising twaddle.

Mumsnet hq can we have a separate Twaddle topic so I can block it please?

Absolute fucking bollocks.

The other way round surely.

The sort of men who are dismissive of women they find attractive don't respect any women. The ones who aren't attractive might as well not exist as they serve no purpose.

Most men are not like this

This is bollocks. My DH respects me and also fancies me. I'd be prepared to bet that's the case with most of the heterosexual couples I'm friends with.

Ahh more rage bait. Maybe get a hobby instead of trying to wind people up?

Yep. All of this.

It's such total guff to suggest men in general only respect women they aren't sexually interested in or that most men don't 'like' women.

Sure, some men have a madonna-whore complex, but even in Freud's day that was sufficiently rare for him to identify it as a disorder that a patient was seeking treatment for, rather than it being the norm.

I agree with this. NAMALT qualification notwithstanding obviously but I think a certain type of man doesn’t see women who aren’t conventionally attractive at all.

Women who are seen as ugly, fat, plain or just ordinary looking are completely overlooked in the workplace as if they’re non player characters.

If anything it’s the other way round. Lots of men won’t even bother giving the time of day to a woman he deems ugly/fat.

You're making the mistake of looking for variations in women for the reason they are respected or not, ie, attractive versus unattractive. When in reality whether a man respects a woman is down to variations in the character of men. Decent men afford respect based on the qualities of the woman regardless of how attractive she is. Flawed, sexist men may afford it based on her sexual appeal.

This is an interesting question and one I’ve thought a lot about over the years.

I work in a very alpha male dominated industry. And it’s amazing for me to watch how the males (in general) interact with the females and I do see stark differences in their behaviours.

What I’ve seen is that the males tend to professionally respect a female who makes it very clear that she is not there - and does not care - about being pretty, sexually attractive, being accepted on the basis of her looks, attitude or attractiveness as a female or being put in the role of a female-hanger-on to stroke the male egos.

Unfortunately, this does mean dressing and behaving in certain ways. The ones that get respect tend to dress professionally and do not wear lots of makeup/nails/jewellery - as doing this does sort of suggest that they see their value (in the workplace) as being based on how they look. They often look very beautiful and fashionable but, in my opinion, signals that they think your looks can be used to form an opinion of you.

They also do not tolerate “banter”, do not smile and giggle when a man comments on their appearance or relationship status. They do not talk about their relationships or going out clubbing/drinking or any of their amusing exploits. And any comments from the men are shut down quickly and unapologetically.

The downside to being like this is that you can be considered a prude, old-fashioned, conservative, no fun, etc etc etc. And I guess the males you work with probably won’t consider dating or having sex with you (if you consider that a negative!)