To think men only respect women they aren’t attracted to?

[SharpTaupeCrow]

It seems like the second a woman is attractive to a man, she’s sexualised, underestimated or dismissed. The women men actually “respect” tend to be the ones they don’t desire. AIBU?

I don’t know about this. I think there are different kinds of respect - respect as a person, respect for professional competence, respect like chivalry where a male wants to protect someone. And then there is attention - which I think gets confused with respect. If someone is very pretty (or young), men can be attentive and give them more responsibility or promote them or “listen” to them - but I don’t think this is respect - it’s more that they are giving them attention as they are sexually interested in them.

I can see that in the workplace, males tend to not be chivalrous or attentive to women they deem unattractive. However, I don’t think this necessarily excludes them having professional respect for those women.

What utter rubbish.

In my experience it's the other way around.

I'd say the opposite.

It's a known fact that better looking people of both genders are perceived to be more competent, capable and honest.

I think the exact opposite is true. Men are a lot nicer and civil towards women they deem fuckable.

All men are satanist. Obv. Iou. Sly.

i put YABU because men, as a class, do not respect women, regardless of the attractiveness of the woman.

However we are all individuals, not homogeneous, so on an individual level, there are men who respect women.

Given the patriarchal nature of our society, it doesn’t actually matter if women respect men or not. As I get older, and find myself less and less surprised by “insert random man’s behaviour’ and continually remind myself that if I work with 100 men, 95% of them will be wanking off to the rape and abuse of women.

If men truly respected women (as a class) porn would not exist.

😂

I can't actually imagine categorising myself in terms of whether someone deems me fuckable or respect-worthy.

In my country most men respect the wife, adore their mother and worship their sisters and daughters...the good men...there are good men also. Like literally men with a penis and all that but who think good, feel good, do good and speak good

@jnh22

I don’t know about this. I think there are different kinds of respect - respect as a person, respect for professional competence, respect like chivalry where a male wants to protect someone. And then there is attention - which I think gets confused with respect. If someone is very pretty (or young), men can be attentive and give them more responsibility or promote them or “listen” to them - but I don’t think this is respect - it’s more that they are giving them attention as they are sexually interested in them.

Maybe "respect" isn't the right word. I agree that the sort of attention an older man pays to a pretty young woman isn't necessarily driven by respect.

But I have observed over the years that women who are conventionally attractive seem to find it easier to make their voices heard in male-dominated corporate environments. Whether that's an output of them having more inner confidence because they know they are attractive, or an external factor which means they are listened to more and thus able to get their ideas across, I'm not sure.

But if you look at women who have been hyper successful in corporate roles they tend to be extremely well put together, glossy, groomed and usually quite naturally pretty. Ones who don't fit this mould do exist and they tend to over-index on "masculine" confidence, which is another way to do it, but its riskier because you're constantly seen as a threat. A lot of very successful women in masculine industries use their attractiveness as a kind of armour. It's not so much that its a way to lure men in, it's more that its a protective shield to prevent men from finding anything wrong with them (because they know they will be judged much more harshly).

The problem with men here who seemed to have been a good man but suddenly stop respecting their wife, is ....they never were decent men to start with. They married someone for convenience and when temptation came, these men showed who they are

On the contrary, if they don't find you attractive they aren't interested full stop.

Are you new to the Internet? Men don’t limit their hate to attractive women.

Some men like and are nice to all women, but they're nicer to attractive women because they think they might be I with a chance.

Many men don't like women and are only nice to attractive women because they think they might be in with a chance. Once they realise they're not in with a chance, they stop being nice. Hence why some of us don't tell them to fuck off when that's what we really want them to do.

I make myself look nice so that people are nice to me. It's just part of my strategy for making life easier in this often awful society.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Women don’t rape one in 4 men though so I think there’s actual evidence that men don’t like women generally.

But nicer and civil doesn’t actually equate to respect.

And actually a lot of the “niceness” portrayed by men to females is actually quite demeaning and putting them in a “less than” position.

“Nice”, “civil”, “respectful”.

I find men generally are better towards women they deem fuckable.

yeah, I know what you mean.

I like your last paragraph and how you described attractiveness as an armour and a way to get men on their side.

I had to laugh at your earlier statement - whereby some women over-index on the masculine condition - that’s me! And it is risky, I am seen as a threat and do get into conflict a lot but I am relatively successful, respected for my professional abilities and many men don’t bother harassing or belittling me.

I don’t know what the best solution is. I think my life would have probably been a lot easier if I was a bit more stereotypically feminine or at least somewhat “vulnerable.”

I have a daughter and I’m actually not sure which way I want to be.

This. I would say most men and women tend to gravitate to attractive people. Doesn't even have to be something sexual about it.

He sounds disgusting

Opposite in my opinion to be fair

Well, I agree that their over behaviour is better towards women they find attractive.

But I really believe that type of attention isn’t really in a women’s best interest.

It’s… I don’t know - maybe manipulative? Or slightly sinister?

Theyre being “nice” because they want something. Not out of inherent respect or genuine fondness for the person. And their good behaviour is dependent on the woman remaining attractive to them. What happens when she displeases them or gains weight, gets acne, has to have an amputation? It’s all so…superficial and shallow and dependant on pleasing a male.

It is probably human nature or so engrained in human socialisation that it’s inevitable but I don’t really like it.

bit of a leap. Some individuals having issues against women, that's not enough for making blunt and generic statements about "men".

In the same way, abusive and neglectful mothers are not enough to describe the entire population. Thank god for that.

We have evidence that some men don't like women. So?