Struggle to spend money

[Whatdisfor]

Please don't think this is a goody or humble brag post. It's really not. Does anyone have any advice to people who struggle to spend money?

When I was in my 20s I really tried to put forward an image that I was successful. Would go out with friends and spend money i didn't have and because of this over the course of 3 or 4 years accumulated about £13k of credit card debt.

I got a promotion at work and managed to clear the debt. And since then in the subsequent 15 years have progressed in my career and have had a number of pay jumps. I'm now just about to get another. The problem is that since I knuckled down to clear the credit card debt my lifestyle hasnt changed. I spooked myself so much I can't seem to shake the habits of saving every penny.

It's making me wonder what I am working for or towards. I keep going for promotions because that's what you do, I keep saving, I keep overpaying on the mortgage. How do I actually start enjoying myself?

I want to book a holiday, but as soon as I see the 'total' figure I just shy away and don't bother, despite not having had a holiday in 2 years and easily being able to afford it.

It is actually really hard OP to change habits like saving and not spending money. I have got better as I have got older. Probably helped that the end is in sight for my mortgage. You should def book yourself a nice holiday. Why not have a specific savings pot for fun money. That is what I do. Then I feel it is not impacting on other savings etc.

Latte and avocado sandwiches for lunch

Debt is horrible and no surprise you and up scarred

Get yourself a spreadsheet and make a holiday budget / allowance in it. Don’t book a holiday that woukd take you over that budget - you have control that way

plot your future - how much in you expect each year, how much your pension pot now is, how much you saved towards big things like boilers and cars , a line for fun and track how you spend according to your forecasts

and look at value for money holidays - holidays ca. be quite cheap or can seeem cheap if it’s something you really want - so a holiday by the med for me would always seem expensive but the same amount on a cultural trip to Paris would seem more reasonable, and going to a music festival much more reasonable -
find your things and just spend on them

Op would it help to book the holiday by paying a deposit and then paying the balance split into payments every month so it’s paid in full before you go? That way you aren’t getting into any debt and it just comes out of your weekly/ monthly allowance? I really like cruises for this option. Typically 10% down then monthly DD and it’s all paid 12weeks before you go. Dead simple and minimal guilt. I hate wasting money but managed to get me and DH on a cruise to the Caribbean by saying “ it’s just £120 a month, that’s £30 a week. I can skip a take away or coffee and cake while out and is paying for itself”.

It's not a bad way to live.

I lived very frugally after having twins and even though we now earn well, I just don't live frivolously. I was raised not to be materialistic and my children are not materialistic either.

We therefore tend to spend our money on having fun rather than stuff. Meals out, days out, holidays, sight seeing, experiences.

Memories are made from experiences. No one cares how expensive your car or handbag are.

Think about what you'd like to get from life then go and do it.

I recommend putting money in pots for things like holidays and treats. I struggle to move money from savings to spend it as im very rigid that savings aren't for spending. If I give myself permission to spend on a specific thing from a pot that seems to be ok. I save every month for holidays and because I know that's what the money is for im fine about spending it.

Tbf, I always need a stiff drink before paying for a holiday 🙈

This is good advice I'll give it a go. This is my problem too, I can't bring myself to move money out of savings- if I do I feel like I've failed that month.

My problem is I don't need to skip the coffee, but over the years have ended up skipping these treats to pay for something else, and then when push comes to shove not paying for the something else either.

I’m the same after spending years repaying debt, now I find it hard to spend money on some items (even though I can afford to).

You deserve a holiday.

sounds like you work really hard and should have time to relax.

i think you need to give yourself permission.

are you scared you’ll start spending and not be able to stop?

This is such a relatable post and an issue I initially treated as very much a superficial ‘first world problem’. However as times gone on I wonder why am I even saving or not spending much as bills and mortgage can be comfortably paid off every month.

With me my issue I think stemmed from having to leave a DV environment and start over in a new mortgaged house to which the only things I bought were a chair and a desk so I could continue wfh. I had to buy everything from a bin to cutlery to a bed and everything inbetween as well as paying for some house repairs.

My savings were obliterated and this really spooked me so I hunkered down and saved like crazy. That was 5/years ago. I’m single, no kids or family/friemds and so worry I need savings to look after myself but how much is enough? I feel really miserly calculating how much more per month my promotion will bring in and a sort of sadness also as to what to do with it other than save again anyway. I only spend on food, my car, the odd mug (I can’t quite shake this age old addiction off lol) and day to day stuff like medicine/travel pass.

Like you I cannot fathom spending hundreds on a holiday or something as I catastrophise constantly and am convinced some emergency will befall me which is just short of the exact amount I frittered away on a needless holiday. I feel guilty to ‘treat’ myself to anything really as a single person like what’s the point of it’s just me even though I may want to go to cinema or have a restaurant meal but just feel I can’t justify the cost because ‘it’s just me’. I feel I probably would if it was to experience something jointly with another or treat a friend but I have none urgh.

I realise I need therapy but then I look at the cost and think “how much!?” and the cycle just continues!

As others have said have ‘pots’ I have one for the car, one for spends that month, one for bills, savings etc. like you I don’t like to spend out of savings, unless it’s something I have budgeted and saved for, so for instance new sofas, paid so much a month into a pot, them spent it.

Then it feels controllable

I think this is the best description. I'm not worried that when I start I won't stop. Just after getting into trouble once and finding it so stressful I now struggle to start, and if I can make myself spend on one thing- it is just one thing. I am not making the overall lifestyle changes rationally I know I should.

Solidarity, I fly into a panic with any unexpected expense. I'm fine if I've got my head around it and will happily go on holiday but something unexpected really affects me. I've got a lot of disposable income and good savings so there is no need whatsoever, just years of hardship in my 20s.
I agree the pots of money help. I currently have a pot to pay back my new washer and a pot to pay back some bedding I bought aswell as an ongoing holiday pot.
Using cash helps me too.

Have a look at the financial flow chart, I can’t link as they don’t work for me. It helps to see what good savings look like.

and agree with other posters, set up a pot for spending, you might need seperate ones for clothes, holidays, eating out, and so on. But if the money is in the clothes pot, you have to spend it on clothes

and just had a thought, but the guides for what you need in retirement might also help, as they give an amount to spend on clothes, holidays and eating out.

Saving is a mindset and a good one. Hard to get away from it though.

I had many clients who saved for retirement and then retired and didn't know how to stop saving. What were they saving for?

I read a book called "Die with Nothing" - all about changing the mindset and confirms it is okay to spend. Do you really want to have the most money on the day you die?

Sorry if this is hijacking but I want to set up ‘pots’ for holidays and also Christmas. How do you do this? Are they different bank accounts that you transfer money into every month?

I have a Monzo account with pots for different things holidays car house ins etc. it also does the 1p saving challenge and a roundup account. Don’t even need to think about saving.

Do a YNAB trial op. It’s a budgeting ap. it costs but quickly pays for itself.

not only am I totally on top of my spending & saving but the most amazing advantage of using YNAB is I can spend budgeted money with joy & ease. I used to also stress about money & spending was usually stressful not enjoyable . Now for example, when I take dc on holiday I can happily spend budgeted holiday money and really enjoy it, rather than it being a stressful situation

And buy some tallow and ash laundry products too

oh and a Stanley cup

Book flights and accommodation separately, that way it doesn't feel like such a huge splurge all at once.

I can relate - growing up when we didn’t have much disposable money and vague memories of parents worrying about bills. I then worked in a job which involved people in debt.

I had to save money myself for uni, for a car, for a property deposit, for a wedding, for maternity leave, to have a rainy day fund etc

I have bought some treats that I previously promised myself one day, but scaled them back eg I thought one day I would buy a sports car, but I’ve bought a nice electric car which is economical. I’ve bought nice sunglasses because I wear them every day.

I try and think before I buy something do I need it, will it make me any happier, would it make my life easier which helps and this mindset helps. I also try and buy things when they are reduced/offer on/cashback/coupons which makes me feel better. I really love going on holiday, if you’re thinking about it, you should do it. It will make all the hard work worth it - work to live, not live to work!

I know what you mean as I became like this after racking up and paying off debts however I do enjoy holidays.
i allocate spare money each month so 25% to long term savings, 25% to holidays, 25% to savings I can dip into for emergencies or home improvements and 25% to investments. The 25% is just an example it dyes vary dependent on how much disposable I have. I also pay extra into pension.
That way I get to do holidays and save.

I can partly relate, I didn't have money that could in theory go on discretionary spend for a very long time. However I initially overpaid my mortgage and now use the extra to save for retirement. It isn't the fear I would blow the cash on rubbish but more wanting to get to a point where I have the option not to work and can pursue what I want 100% of the time. I and my dependants are wholly dependent on me, so there is pressure to provide.

I can relate to your concern once you spend you might not stop as I don't have the best self control in many areas. My parents taught us kids not to be materialistic so that probably explains the self restraint on that side of life.