Struggle to spend money

[Whatdisfor]

Please don't think this is a goody or humble brag post. It's really not. Does anyone have any advice to people who struggle to spend money?

When I was in my 20s I really tried to put forward an image that I was successful. Would go out with friends and spend money i didn't have and because of this over the course of 3 or 4 years accumulated about £13k of credit card debt.

I got a promotion at work and managed to clear the debt. And since then in the subsequent 15 years have progressed in my career and have had a number of pay jumps. I'm now just about to get another. The problem is that since I knuckled down to clear the credit card debt my lifestyle hasnt changed. I spooked myself so much I can't seem to shake the habits of saving every penny.

It's making me wonder what I am working for or towards. I keep going for promotions because that's what you do, I keep saving, I keep overpaying on the mortgage. How do I actually start enjoying myself?

I want to book a holiday, but as soon as I see the 'total' figure I just shy away and don't bother, despite not having had a holiday in 2 years and easily being able to afford it.

I can empathise. I don’t think I’ve spent a pay rise in the last 15 years either, I just save it. I think my monthly allowance has been the same for the last 10 years. I get great joy out of saving for retirement. I try to keep it in check as I don’t want to be stingy with friends and family but equally I am not apologetic for my frugal lifestyle. However much money I have I will be always be a charity shopper! As another said, having a few “pots” for spending so it doesn’t seem so daunting to buy a holiday. I keep a few of these topped up and don’t add them up as part of my overall savings. Helps me psychologically.

Like you I got in major debt in my early 20s, it took a lot of hard work to get out of it and scared me silly! (Or sensible depending on how you look at it!)

I hear you @Whatdisfor

I agonise over spending an extra 50p on the sandwich I really want (probably a bad example as I'd have taken a picnic) or the more expensive main course on the odd occasion I eat out.

I weigh up the cost of everything in my mind versus enjoyment. Am I enjoying this one day out enough to have spent X on it.

Could afford a foreign holiday but still do budget UK ones - although I always enjoy them.

I have found for the smaller treats I like memberships. E.g if I join the National Trust going becomes getting value for money rather than thinking 'do I want to spend eight quid on parking '.

We split our finances so I pay the bills and my husband does food shopping and more treaty stuff. I enjoy things more if it's not coming out of my account even though it pretty much is as I'm taking an essential cost in it's place but psychologically it's easier.

If you find the answer is like it too

I have always been like this but as a child I can remember my mum sitting trying to work out how to pay the bills after my dad was made redundant and we had to sell our house so it is probably tied to my sense of security.

I know what you mean on the sandwich thing! I'll regularly buy the cheaper option even if I don't like it so much just to save a few pence or a pound or two.

It's just making me wonder why I keep pushing in my career to earn more and then do nothing with it.

Cars don't bother me, so I drive an old Ka, clothes brands and handbags don't interest me, I don't have my nails done.

I'm just feeling a bit lost. I dont know why I am working to earn money I have no desire to spend.

I can relate to an extent. I always thought that when the mortgage was paid off we could relax a lot, enjoy spending on holidays, meals out etc however all we (well, me really!) have done is divert the mortgage amount into savings. We are mid-50's, no children, so while it is good to have a decent 'cushion' for the future, there is no point in us hanging on to it all, we should be going on big holidays, enjoying fancy dinners (we love eating out but mostly go for pub food) etc. It's just hard to get to a point of spending more than you save!

I’m a bit like you and on a mission to reverse my saving obsession. I’m starting small, have made a promise to myself to spend my occasional premium bond winnings on treats for myself. All the winnings, every time, without delay, without fail. It has made me consider what I enjoy most and given permission to do it.

What are you doing with the money you’ve saved? Have you invested it? Because if it’s just sitting in a bank account, its value is being slowly eroded over time through inflation.

I would recommend the book “Die with zero” and “the psychology of money”. Also, listen to some podcasts or read up on the FIRE movement - Financial Independence retire early. If you’re going to save money, at least have a purpose for it!

also, there’s been someone on a lot of these podcasts lately spruiking the idea that you can spend 1/10000 of your net worth a day without you going backwards. I think he runs the website of dollars and data.

also, rebel finance school by Katie and Alan Donegan is good. They’ve just run it for 2025, but you can watch it all on YouTube, their channel is called Rebel Donegans.

i too struggle with spending money on myself. Set yourself a monthly “fun money” budget. Put it into a separate account, one account for each of you if you have a partner and give yourselves both the same amount. Do the same for holidays if you struggle to spend on that. Set aside a set amount each month to pay for your holidays, then spend it and enjoy it.

How old are you? I'm guessing you're 40s/50s just going by the info in your post? Also child free and expecting to stay that way?

What are your thoughts on working and retirement? You seem to have inadvertently directed yourself along the FIRE (financial independence retire early) path in that at some point you accumulate sufficient assets that you don't need to work again if you don't want to as what you have covers the lifestyle you want.

I'm not saying you necessarily should retire, but you could at some point become financially independent or at least not need to work, or can work less, in an easier job or fewer hours, which might be invaluable especially in your 50s and 60s?

But definitely earmark a pot to spend and when you think 'I'd like to buy/do that' but then worry about spending the money, if you have money in the pot, you can have it, guilt free.

Great minds, @Notmyrealname22

Die with zero would also be a good aim. As a homeowner, you still have an asset to leave to relatives if that's what you want.

Pay your holiday up over a set amount of rime so u don’t need a huge amount but ur good at paying bills so u just see it as a bill to pay and then before u know it ur on a plane

I'm 38, no kids, but hope to. Equally aware with partners and my ages it's not a given.

I think that's another reason why I find it hard to spend- if we are lucky enough to have kids then I don't want to have frittered savings that I might need. But I am also well aware it is unlikely.

Oh, apologies for adding 10 years or so to your age, that was just me skimming your post.

Start small. Choose the sandwich you want rather than a cheaper one. Get a coffee or other small treat if you want one. Earmark 10/20% of your spare money for a holiday or other non essentials. Put the money in a holiday account and allow yourself to spend the money when it builds up.

You'll still have 80/90% of the money you can save to go towards DC if it can happen, which at your age, and in a good financial position, you could probably do it alone if you wanted to do it that way.

start trying to get out of your mindset a bit by treating yourself at least once a week to something small you absolutely don't need. Buying the sandwich you actually want rather than the cheapest one is a good example.

You're not a natural 'spender' and don't get the 'thrill' from wanting a nice car, handbag etc so a few treats aren't going to tip you back into debt again, but spending an affordable amount on stuff you actually want, makes your life worth living.

Even if it's in a decent savings account, inflation is so high currently that most savings are essentially depreciating. Doesn't mean you shouldn't save at all, of course, but keeping money 'just because' is basically just losing it at this stage. Between depreciating capital and price increases, going on the same holiday in 2 years will cost you more than going on it now, so book it! (today - and then come back and tell us all so you can't talk yourself out of it) and then start saving money in a holiday pot so that you don't scrimp when you're out there and actually enjoy yourself.

You trained yourself into being an (extreme) saver, you can train yourself back into being a (careful) spender too.

I do get this struggle to spend money , I think mine is born out of a fear of running out . I was brought up in a single parent household and money only covered the absolute bare essentials , no treats , holidays etc . I am in a far better position after a lifetime of graft but last week I was looking at 2 small Lego sets for about £26 each struggling to choose which one . Then I did have a moment when I thought how bloody ridiculous, I’ve got 7 figure savings . It’s just a mindset of trying to let go of ingrained childhood memories . I still only bought the one set though .

If you don’t have dc then holiday bargains are to be had outside of term time! Look up how much it costs to go in August v September and then pat yourself on the back because of all the money you have already saved 😁 and have a lovely break.

I really struggle with money too and I’m currently going through a potentially precarious position but I’m a human being not a human saving and if I’m working hard and earning I deserve to look after myself with some of the money I make. I have loads of pots in Monzo which are savings pots so you earn a little interest on your fun money. I have pots that are only touched in an emergency and pots I use everyday for day to day spends or treats for me or the dc.

I understand what you mean I think it’s just human nature. Growing up I saw a lot of the war time generation who grow up during the great depression do this. They’d use everything until it fell apart even though they had drawers & cupboards full of new stuff and you know what most of them died with those drawers untouched.
I think you’ve had some good suggestions with the pots. Would the paying monthly remind you of the debt too much, even if you already have the full amount saved?
I think start small how about a cheap UK holiday or a long weekend away? Or search of a bargain so you’re thinking about how much you’ve saved not how much you’ve spend. It’s a bit like the sandwich it might not be your ideal sandwich but at least you’ve eaten.

Another vote for Monzo, the pots are great.
Set yourself a savings goal e.g 500 in your holiday pot.
That way you are still in the "savings" mindset, and when you hit milestones e.g 50% of the goal it reminds you and gives you the little savings dopamine boost lol.

I also struggle with this. What has helped me a lot is to have a plan. I have decided how much I want/need to set aside for regular expenses, including mortgage overpayments and voluntary pension contributions. I always want I have X months worth of essential expenses in my savings account for an emergency. Everything else is fun money and I can spend it as I please without guilt :)

I fear with a savings pot I'll just save £500 for a holiday and then bump it over into my main savings! But I'll give it a go!

How much do you earn/save?

Only because you mention multiple promotions so could be a higher rate payer - if so once you've filled an ISA you need to be careful you don't save so much you start paying tax on your interest. Personally I find the prospect of the govt taking my hard earned money back off me a great motivator in spending it!

It's why I do mortgage overpayments. I save within the ISA allowance and then when that's maxed out I do the mortgage. But you're right

Sit down and work out what your budget is these days. Like you did a more basic version of to clear the debt.

Except this time include:
Eating out
Holidays
Wellbeing (gym / hair / PT / nails / physio / whatever is your thing)
Mortgage
Pension
Savings

Then you know what is in each pot. Pay the holiday money into its own account each month. Then you know the balance you’ve got To work with.

And aim to stick to those budgets.

Oh God, you're me!

😅🙏🏼

Try moving to various savings pots right from the start, then each month the holiday fund gets 100, the house fund gets 100, retirement fund gets 100, you see so it's never in your big savings account to begin with.
Also start small. Look for a weekend break or a dinner bed and breakfast break. Ease yourself into allowing yourself to do nice things. Then next time add on one thing you want like a movie or museum trip.

I am reading this post looking for support for the same issues having googled and found your worry. I scrimp on everything, never buy a sandwich, would skip a meal first, take my own refillable mug, wear clothes with holes in them and so on. I do go on holiday though. That feels ok to me as it is the time I value most in my life. It creates memories and gives my family precious time together we do not get otherwise. I search for weeks and weeks to get the best price on what we want and enjoy the feeling of getting the good deal. I do wish I could be better at spending when we are on holiday as that is very anxiety provoking and affects my enjoyment. I find a package with meals and drinks paid upfront helps a lot in for this.