Child walking in London with no shoes on

[Wiltingasparagusfern]

Look, it takes a lot for me to judge another mum. This one, who lives locally to me, is walking around with a barefoot three year old though. I’ve seen them three times, each time the little boy has been barefoot on the pavement (his mum has shoes on). We live in a nice neighbourhood, but there is still dog and fox shit, rubbish, broken glass, fag ends etc. I’ve never seen a needle but I haven’t exactly been looking.

I grew up in quite a hippieish community where kids were barefoot a lot but that was in the countryside. This is zone 2 London! AIBU to raise an eyebrow?

The child isn’t obviously disabled or neurodivergent, but perhaps he just won’t wear shoes? Is this a thing? I expect she is aware of tetanus but maybe she isn’t? Do some other cultures or demographics do this?

The child seems otherwise well looked after as does the baby in the sling but every time I see them I am shocked anew. Or maybe I’m just a judgy busybody who needs to mind her own business but I am wondering if anyone else has come across this.

This. Its non negotiable.

I really empathise. I know how hard it must have been because I have seen it first hand. In our case it was definitely a tantrum - she is NT - but by God she could tantrum for England. That said the young lady is now 14 and has very definite views on wearing shoes. Given the cost oif the ones "she must have", I think mum is now wistful about the no shoes days at times.

I suppose it depends on which bit of zone 2 you are in as to whether it’s kool parenting or not. But I’d assume it is, based on your post. Would I judge? Yes, probably, but only enough to roll my eyes and think “Islington dahling”.

There are certainly a lot of Californian tech millionaires around here

As a podiatrist I say bare feet are happy feet!
Honestly people don't NEED shoes, but until 5/6 you really don't need them. Shoes stop the bones in your feet developing correctly!
The soles of your feet naturally harden to protect against cuts etc!

I am more curious than judgmental.

With one of my autistic loved ones, it wasn’t shoes, it was trousers 😅. Obviously that presents its own challenges, especially once the child is pubescent.

In our case the trousers had to be non-negotiable or else there would have been a safeguarding issue.

Thank you for responding. I respect your medical expertise so conclude that it’s fine, then. It might not be what I’d choose to do but crack on I say 🦶

Sounds ideal if you live in the countryside and are scrambling over meadows and woodlands. City on hot concrete, infection and broken glass 🤢

I mean that was all fine and dandy when the terrain was sand or grass or mud (and obviously that still might be area dependent) but when it’s shitty, unhygienic and potentially hazardous you surely want to rethink. Plus I’m fairly sure shoes have come a long way over the years, and are fitted properly and so on.

Plenty of time to let your feet develop at home or where it’s safe to do so, but not on the streets. I mean is the child going to walk into school with unwashed grimy soles and Christ knows what on them 🤮

Yes it didn’t last for years because I insisted. Non-negotiable. There is no universe in which my child doesn’t wear shoes, brush their teeth, take medicine that they need, and so on. That’s why it was resolved within weeks.

As for shoes, mine wears barefoot shoes. A good compromise for those who think barefoot is best for foot development.

Can you tell me what a neurodivergent person looks like please?

I have a neurodivergent child who is a shoe refuser, sometimes it is a sensory need. Best not to judge what you don't know I would say, unless there are clear signs of neglect.

How far is the child walking, I wonder?

Me and dd are currently barefoot in the car (parked!). I take her from the flat to the car, about 10 steps from the main door, barefoot to do a mcdonalds drive thru run. Also zone 2

I personally hate shoes 😭 but thats because i'm autistic. Dd is too but can take or leave shoes so far

You dont sound judgemental, but she probably is thinking nothing of it x

And this thread is exactly why I died a little more inside every time my dd and I received another judgemental 'look' from another parent as she walked along with a tear-soaked little face, and mine a face like thunder. Everyone has an opinion, everyone thinks they'd do it better. An "It's not an option," here and an "it's non negotiable" there. Even our senco implied it was simply because dd "didn't like" wearing shoes. Nope. It didn't matter how many shoe shops we visited, how many shoes we tried on, whether her socks were seamless, inside out, long, short, made from cotton, bamboo etc. It didn't matter how much we bribed, got angry, explained how likely it was that she'd cut her feet, or tried any other number of strategies to get her to tolerate shoes. And no, she didn't "choose" to put her shoes on when her feet got wet with rain, or became cold. Because the problem was inside her head. A totally overwhelmed, dysregulated ball of pent up anxiety, anger and sadness all rolled into one. At pre-school age. Don't ask me how we got through it, because then it escalated into full on refusal of all clothes except a dressing gown for which we had to finance a private specialist. In the end we didn't leave the house at all for a number of weeks. It was the worst, most depressing time in my life seeing all the light gradually dim and then disappear altogether from my little girl.

People referring to this as some kind of 'autistic trend' can get to fuck. I have zero patience left for people like you.

It's been a long, hard journey and our beautiful dd is now 8 and a million miles from that broken little girl that caused everyone so much pain and worry. I do still put her socks on while she's asleep at night though 😂

Op, my first thought would be that if the child appears otherwise loved and well cared for, then there's likely something else going on. But if I take myself back to before we had dd, then I'd likely react with judgement too.

I hope you didnt think I was referring to shoe refusal as an autistic trend in my comment 😭

Its my lived reality, always hated shoes since childhood and would frequently walk around our housing estate barefoot 🙈

So glad your dd is doing better with shoes now x

I’m not judging. In our family it was trousers, not shoes, which as I say above brings its own issues. If anything the mum has my solidarity, albeit alongside a slight concern about infection. However from the sounds of it there’s not much to worry about in that regard.

I’m so sorry that it was so hard for all of you, and that you had an unsympathetic SENCO.

I used to do my paper round (aged 14/15) barefoot- in a reasonably big city. Shoes only went on for school. The worst hazard was the ring pulls from cans of fizzy drink - I am old, so way before the ones that now stay on the can.

A couple of years later, I ended up going out with someone who lived on my round. First time I met his parents they said "Oh, you're the girl with no shoes!"

I myself had a meltdown one day at him when it was icy and raining and he asked for ‘park’. Eventually as he was more cognitively able he understood and accepted it. Still takes his shoes and socks of as soon as he is indoors somewhere

Absolutely not, don't worry. It was the comment from mh67 that gave me the rage.

I can’t remember the last time I stepped on broken glass with shoes on….yes, I have occasionally got dog shit on my shoes, but very occasionally. People have a visceral reaction to bare foot children.

Sorry for my defensiveness. It wasn't so much aimed at your original post as some of the replies that followed.

Leave them alone OP

Oh come now, it may not be so obvious with a lot of kids (including my own ds) but if you see a bare foot kid flapping their arms, talking to themselves and with a hundred yard stare (for example) then you can probably take a stab that they are autistic. Have you honestly never seen a child behaving in a particular way and realised it was because they were autistic? The faux naivety on here at times!

"There’s not a tantrum in the world that would stop me putting shoes on my child when going out. "

You have no idea.

Put it this way- would a school or nursery allow a child to be barefoot? There’s your answer. Barefoot on the beach, on the grass in summer, in the garden? Absolutely fine.