Child walking in London with no shoes on

[Wiltingasparagusfern]

Look, it takes a lot for me to judge another mum. This one, who lives locally to me, is walking around with a barefoot three year old though. I’ve seen them three times, each time the little boy has been barefoot on the pavement (his mum has shoes on). We live in a nice neighbourhood, but there is still dog and fox shit, rubbish, broken glass, fag ends etc. I’ve never seen a needle but I haven’t exactly been looking.

I grew up in quite a hippieish community where kids were barefoot a lot but that was in the countryside. This is zone 2 London! AIBU to raise an eyebrow?

The child isn’t obviously disabled or neurodivergent, but perhaps he just won’t wear shoes? Is this a thing? I expect she is aware of tetanus but maybe she isn’t? Do some other cultures or demographics do this?

The child seems otherwise well looked after as does the baby in the sling but every time I see them I am shocked anew. Or maybe I’m just a judgy busybody who needs to mind her own business but I am wondering if anyone else has come across this.

This. Sometimes my three year old decides he doesn’t want to brush his teeth.

He still has to brush his teeth, because it’s his wellbeing at stake.

He could rage all we wanted but those teeth are still getting brushed, because I’m the adult, and I decide.

I was once a temporary nanny for a boy who never had to brush his teeth because he ‘didn’t like it’ and the parents didn’t like to make him cry over it.

His teeth were absolutely grim. Well to do household as well.

I would never say anything!

Actually they could well be kiwis!

How do you know I don’t already? And observing is different to looking. I’ve met child psychologists who could tell confidently within a couple of minutes. Granted, the diagnostic criteria have widened now so there are more children who appear neurotypical and whose disabilities are more hidden.

Meh I wouldn’t worry about it too much 🤷‍♀️

My dc grew up in a very nice partner sw London, zone 2. I couldn't get worked up about this.

@Thattimeofthenight well maybe you had only one battle to choose. I had to elbow my DS in his middle to the point of almost winding him to get him into a car seat, because it was non negotiable. He would pull his hair and scratch his face, he even tried to open his belt and the car door to fall out onto the road on occasion so needed an extra restraint. Major issues around food so eating anything other than dry bread was a victory. I could tell you the horrors of bed time routine but I'd be here all day. I had to restrain him on footpaths so he didn't run in front of cars, he occasionally escaped the house and had near misses, he climbed onto the roof on occasion and thankfully didn't fall. Battling for hours a day over something like shoes is a luxury for a NT parent.

Wow some people are so judgemental. My 10 yo DS didn’t wear shoes till nearly 4. He is autistic and refused. I spend nearly £1000 trying all sorts of different shoes including water prof socks, slippers, bed socks. I cried nearly every day. Brought a trike for him (wouldn’t go in it) if I got shoes on him he would go limp like a rag doll and not move.

IT IS NOT A TANTRUM when a child is so dysregulated due to sensory needs. Please don’t judge this parent. I had OT advise and was told to keep trying but ultimately you do not force this. Some things are essential but things like giving an inhaler you pin the child down and then it’s over. Getting shoes on and staying on is not somethings that’s over with in a few minutes

I live in zone 2 London. I don’t see much in the way of broken glass, nothing in the way of needles, yes, some dog shit, not many fag ends these days.

I wouldn’t do it but I don’t think it’s a disaster.

I grew up in the suburbs and used to walk around a lot with no shoes on, the soles of my feet were like leather.

I’m not worked up. I am curious. I’m generally quite a laid-back mum, I promise! I would say bacterial infection is something I am mindful of. Anyone who has known anyone who has caught sepsis is usually!

One of mine would occasionally refuse shoes. Would scream and throw them off every time I put them on. She went barefoot on those occasions, and I looked out for anything on the ground, otherwise we would not have gotten where we needed to go.

This is the latest thing with autistic kids. They don't like shoes so don't wear them.

That sounds really hard - that’s why I wondered if it might be something like that. How did you overcome it in the end?

I said I couldn't not that you were.

In our part of zone 2, I never saw needles, broken glass or dog poo on the pavements. It was a pretty clean borough.

My dc wore shoes but it wouldn't have unduly bothered me if they hadn't.

If I were you, I'd think nothing more of it. I don't think it's neglect.

I’m in zone 2 right now (not that it makes any difference; in my experience London streets are London streets) Image pending, you’ll see glass on the street. Anyone who thinks it’s ok for a kid to walk around sans shoes is bloody unhinged.

Sorry- here

FFS MN you are useless.

it’s a pic of broken glass all over the pavement, hardly a sensitive image.

Not in my bit of zone 2 London. Of course you see it occasionally but it’s certain not a given that I’m walking down glass-strewn streets.

lol don’t go to Australia then! Loads of people walk round with no shoes on in public! There’s even signs in cinemas saying you have to wear shoes to enter!

Is it the fake povo look favoured by people who don’t ever need to worry about money? If the child has unbrushed hair and scruffy clothes I’d guess this. Genuinely impoverished people have too much pride to let their DC look neglected.

This sort of judgement can honestly sod off. My friend’s daughter refused to wear shoes from the age of 2. She has just, aged 6, been diagnosed with autism. The idea that you can tell if someone is ND by looking at them is nonsense.

Do you think mums who are going through enough dealing with ND children need to also deal with your judgement?

when all violations of personal identity are treated as they should be, as the same abuses as violations of lgbt are, that will be the stopper.

Forcing a child to use his inhaler is a violation of his personal identity?

Did you read YEARS, not weeks?

If you had faced years of medicine refusal you would have been back at the doctors demanding alternatives. Gp's don't tend to deal with shoe refusal.

Aww gosh. I don’t have kids but comments like this makes me realise how much ‘unseen’ parenting goes on through a child’s life just to keep them safe, in a routine and aligned to societal norms.