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AIBU?

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Original poster

On holiday and so bored of seeing DS on his phone

66 replies

Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 04:29

DS is 14. Only child, For context, we’ve had quite an active holiday. For the first ten days we’ve done something every day that’s taken up half the day - cultural, nature related excursions. We’ve also driven a couple of hours to our next stop a few times - but the scenery is amazing. We also go out to dinner every night and ban phones. And we play cards etc

but whenever possible DS wants to be on his phone. And there are a lot of hours on holiday without routines. He’s been texting a lot with a girl - great - but it’s the TIk Tok scrolling that does my head in. He has started to hate reading - sob! - and just wants to scroll.

how have your kids been? How much should I be enforcing and how much should I let go?

and for those of you who want to say why didn’t you take a friend on holiday with him - it’s an expensive trip, that wasn’t feasible. So please don’t make me feel bad that he’s alone, as I already generally in life carry complex emotions around that.

OP posts:
Purpleturtle45 · 20/08/2025 04:44

Same here, I hate it too and really regret letting him ever get TikTok especially. It's so addictive, however my son is a bit of a geek and whatever is coming up his he seems to be learning a lot from.

I try really hard to keep him active and we have done lots of the holidays however he also wants to be on his phone during down time which still adds up to a lot of time. He doesn't want to go out with his friends as he can play with them online.

I don't have the answers but I empathise, I feel so guilty about it but just fear it's the way it is now.

Springadorable · 20/08/2025 05:01

It sounds like he's had plenty of time engaged with family and seeing the sights. Tiktok is annoying, but I totally get him wanting some downtime and wanting to chat to other teenagers. I think your expectations that he relaxed exactly the way you want on holiday are pretty unreasonable.

MumbleJumble123 · 20/08/2025 05:11

If he’s participating in other parts of the holiday then I’d let him decide what he wants to do with his free time (unless he’s disturbing you). It sounds like you’ve been quite busy doing activities and he’s socializing with you at meal times, so I’d probably let it go, or at least set quite generous limits on how much screen time he’s allowed.

If you want him to have a bit less screen time then you could offer to pay/facilitate other activities of his choosing when you’re not busy with the activities you've chosen as a family (my parents paid for my brothers to do an afternoon surf school when they were a similar age which worked really well- they did the lessons whilst my parents sunbathed/read in peace).

I think my approach would be to reduce his screen time by offering better alternatives rather than trying to restrict it or commenting on it (which is a sure fire way to get a teen’s back up and make the holiday miserable for everyone). At times when you’re just relaxing I’d let him decide how he wants to do that.

CheapMustard · 20/08/2025 05:17

Limit his time on the phone. You are the parent, you can enforce those rules. He’ll be gaining nothing from staring at his phone. Let him get bored, from that he’ll find other things to do. Letting him stare at a phone is the easy option all round. Ultimately it’s your choice.

PollyBell · 20/08/2025 05:30

But is thia an,adult decided holiday where the grown ups have booked what they want and the child has to be grateful because the parents are taking them along holiday

No i dont like the idea of a being on a phone thia much but isn't a holiday for everyone and not what the adults have decided what has to happen?

We allow our child to holiday the way they want as well and negotiate but suggestions like 'you are the adult just punish him demand he does what you order' type replies does not really make for a great holiday environment for anyone

If he said 'mum dad i have burning desire to go to Tuscany and stay in a castle' and you spend thousands doing that sure rude of him but adults and children dont think the same

Original poster
Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 05:32

I totally get wanting to chat with other teens - I encourage that. But as I said, there’s a lot - A LOt - of tik tok or other similar - and while I get its downtime, hours of it seems moronic to me (and no doubt that opinion will have me flamed)

OP posts:
Original poster
Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 05:35

PollyBell · 20/08/2025 05:30

But is thia an,adult decided holiday where the grown ups have booked what they want and the child has to be grateful because the parents are taking them along holiday

No i dont like the idea of a being on a phone thia much but isn't a holiday for everyone and not what the adults have decided what has to happen?

We allow our child to holiday the way they want as well and negotiate but suggestions like 'you are the adult just punish him demand he does what you order' type replies does not really make for a great holiday environment for anyone

If he said 'mum dad i have burning desire to go to Tuscany and stay in a castle' and you spend thousands doing that sure rude of him but adults and children dont think the same

no, the adults did not inflict this on DS. I’m not that stupid. We all decided to go to this country for holiday. We - the adults - were clear about what it would entail - and gave DS the option of a beach holiday and to bring a friend. He was very clear he wanted the former.

and we do offer alternatives all the time. We are very active with him. But the screen is his default and he could easily lie around for a day on it

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 20/08/2025 06:26

He's on holiday! It sounds like he's doing plenty of activities so what's a bit of doom scrolling when he gets some down time ? You're on your phone right now.

We go away with ours soon. I've bought my 14 year old some comics (used to read a lot, not interested anymore ) but we're all going to be relaxing however we want. I'm not gonna get uptight about how he uses his free time, that would just cause us both stress.

AiryFairy1 · 20/08/2025 06:33

Similar here this summer. We’ve done family things and they’re engaged enough, but as soon we get home/finish a meal etc it’s back to their screens.
DD is going into Y10 and keen to get good grades so I’m ‘allowing’ fairly untethered screen time, but come term time, there will be firm boundaries for screen time 💪

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/08/2025 06:39

But you're on your phone moaning about him. Would you rather he put the phone down and lie there, hands by sides, just to please you because you feel guilty he's not got a mate with him?

autienotnaughty · 20/08/2025 06:39

If he’s participating in the activities, spending time with you guys socialising and generally involved in the holiday. I’d leave him to it during his down time, it’s his holiday too he should be able to relax however he likes.

flippertygibbet4 · 20/08/2025 06:44

If he didn't have tiktok, would he spend less time on his phone? You could always just remove it, or limit his time on that particular app. He doesn't need it for communication. He's 14, so you make the rules. Up to you.

Onelifeonly · 20/08/2025 06:47

It sounds pretty normal to me. I do the same on holidays during down time, though also read books. Prior to online phone games, I used to take crossword and sudoku puzzle books on holidays.

All you could do is arrange more activities and excursions he would enjoy.

Out of interest what do you think he should be doing instead? And what are you doing when he's on his phone?

Also be mindful that past generations saw reading fiction as decadent and without value.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 20/08/2025 06:47

Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 04:29

DS is 14. Only child, For context, we’ve had quite an active holiday. For the first ten days we’ve done something every day that’s taken up half the day - cultural, nature related excursions. We’ve also driven a couple of hours to our next stop a few times - but the scenery is amazing. We also go out to dinner every night and ban phones. And we play cards etc

but whenever possible DS wants to be on his phone. And there are a lot of hours on holiday without routines. He’s been texting a lot with a girl - great - but it’s the TIk Tok scrolling that does my head in. He has started to hate reading - sob! - and just wants to scroll.

how have your kids been? How much should I be enforcing and how much should I let go?

and for those of you who want to say why didn’t you take a friend on holiday with him - it’s an expensive trip, that wasn’t feasible. So please don’t make me feel bad that he’s alone, as I already generally in life carry complex emotions around that.

My 14 year old boy isn't allowed TikTok.

His phone is also on Family Link and limited to 2 hours a day (although he can access whatsapp and educational apps until 9.30pm)..

He is a child. You are the parent. If you dont want him on his phone then don't let him. Its not up to him.

Original poster
Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 06:50

AiryFairy1 · 20/08/2025 06:33

Similar here this summer. We’ve done family things and they’re engaged enough, but as soon we get home/finish a meal etc it’s back to their screens.
DD is going into Y10 and keen to get good grades so I’m ‘allowing’ fairly untethered screen time, but come term time, there will be firm boundaries for screen time 💪

That’s actually my approach, too. He’s also going into Y10 and wants to do well - understands firm screen boundaries will be in place - but it still depresses the shit out of me that every activity/bit of family time is punctuated by scrolling. And for those who think I should be glad he does the former and let him do the latter - it can add up to HOURS on holiday, especially if they are left to go to bed late

OP posts:
Original poster
Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 06:51

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/08/2025 06:39

But you're on your phone moaning about him. Would you rather he put the phone down and lie there, hands by sides, just to please you because you feel guilty he's not got a mate with him?

Thats just a mean, pointless post

OP posts:
EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 20/08/2025 06:51

My daughter was the same on our family hol. But she put it down to play board games, go swimming with us, go walking, canoeing etc. As long as they are capable of setting the phone aside and joining in when required I don’t get too het up. Sounds like your son can do that.

Mine doesnt read much now either. I’m with you on feeling glum about that.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 20/08/2025 06:54

As a PP said, what do you think he should be doing instead? And what are you and the rest of the party doing at those times?

PerkyGreenCat · 20/08/2025 06:58

Yes, it's hours because he doesn't have anyone his own age to hang out with. I'm sure he's having fun with you doing the activities but no teenage boy wants to hang out with parents 24/7 for a whole week! Him going on his phone talking to his mates and doom scrolling tiktok is just normal teenage behaviour. If he had someone his own age to hang out with in the afternoons or evenings, he'd probably be on his phone a lot less.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/08/2025 06:58

Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 06:51

Thats just a mean, pointless post

Show quote history

It's not pointless, or mean. I've obviously hit a nerve if you you think this. You're projecting.

You teenager is engaging in all your family activities that you want him to.

What would you rather he be doing whilst you're on Mumsnet? He's on his holidays. He needs downtime. He will be studying hard for his GCSEs soon.

zaazaazoom · 20/08/2025 07:03

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/08/2025 06:58

It's not pointless, or mean. I've obviously hit a nerve if you you think this. You're projecting.

You teenager is engaging in all your family activities that you want him to.

What would you rather he be doing whilst you're on Mumsnet? He's on his holidays. He needs downtime. He will be studying hard for his GCSEs soon.

Show quote history

Its different being on your phone for an hour than for hours.

We have a limited screen time on holidays (it used to be none until they were about 15). Even non reading DS1 has read two books this holiday. No way would this have happened without encouragement and limits.

Original poster
Electrotrinco · 20/08/2025 07:05

ColinOfficeTrolley · 20/08/2025 06:58

It's not pointless, or mean. I've obviously hit a nerve if you you think this. You're projecting.

You teenager is engaging in all your family activities that you want him to.

What would you rather he be doing whilst you're on Mumsnet? He's on his holidays. He needs downtime. He will be studying hard for his GCSEs soon.

Show quote history

actually, I’ll determine if something is mean. Not you. But thank you for your input.

OP posts:
Jotunn9 · 20/08/2025 07:17

You're with your partner.
He's by himself effectively in that sense.

It sounds as if hes doing all your planned activities and just using his 'phone for his downtime. I cant see the issue as long as whatever he's enjoying isn't problematic in any other way.

Agix · 20/08/2025 07:23

Let him switch off. It seems that you've kept him quite busy otherwise. Teens need a LOT of downtime, scrolling is his. Let him do it on his holiday. If it was overriding obligations then there would be a problem, but if it's not, just let him. If you're worried he's bored, give him options... But if he doesn't take them, it's because he needs the mindless downtime.

I would read for hours and hours on holiday with my parents as a teen. I'd spend whole days with a book in the room or by the pool if my parents made me get out of the room. My parents saw it as good on the whole because it was reading books, but I don't feel it's any different to what your son is doing really. I was switching off in between the times my parents would drag me here, there and everywhere. My nose stuck in a book is not much different to your son's nose in a phone.

Maray1967 · 20/08/2025 07:28

Yes, Tik Tok is moronic, and I’m glad DS17 has no interest in it. But mine still has the phone glued to his hand when not doing activities or eating or sleeping …

My rules are no phones at the table, and not missing activities or trips - but on his downtime he can have his phone. Mine stopped reading for pleasure at 12 which saddens me. But he got a 9 in Eng Lit last year so I can’t pull the ‘it will damage your education’ card …