AIBU? Council repairs leaving my 86-year-old mum with nowhere suitable to live

[WhiteWinePls]

I am my mum’s full-time carer. She is 86 and has lived in her council home for all of her life. She has agoraphobia. That home has now fallen into such a dangerous state that it is uninhabitable while major repairs are carried out — likely for around 6 months.

The council’s “solution” has been to offer temporary accommodation that is completely unsuitable for her, given her needs. My mum, who has paid rent faithfully for decades, is being left with nowhere safe to go. At her age, with her health, this upheaval feels cruel and frightening. They’ve adopted a ‘like it or lump it’ position with no negotiation.

I have managed to find a flat that would keep her safe and stable until she can return home. I can also stay with her to provide the full-time care she needs. The problem is that the landlord is asking for 6 months' rent up front plus a deposit, and I do not have that kind of money as I am a full-time carer.

AIBU to ask if anyone has advice on where to turn — such as charities that could help or schemes like Discretionary Housing Payments — I would be so grateful. Also has anyone ever tried setting up a fundraiser in this situation, and do you think this would be appropriate here?

Grateful for any advice. Thank you.

As her full time carer, where were you when all this happened?

How did your mum end up with holes in floorboards and ceilings coming down? That doesn’t just happen to itself, what maintainance did your mum/you do to the home over the decades she/you lived there? You need to care and upkeep your home.

There are as many holes in the Op's replies as there is in the property, due to the Op not replying fully.

I've read enough articles about council / HA properties in London to know there's a serious problem with tenants being left to live in disgusting conditions.

Seen it too. I had friends who lived in a flat in elephant and castle and the whole building was disgusting and infested with cockroaches.

What i dont get is why the op's mum cant go to live in op's home. Even if there's no bedroom and someone has to sleep in the living room its better than the current situation.

Whether the op's mum moves into temp accommodation, a private rental or the op's home the agoraphobia will be the same. Moving from the current home to any other place will be the same.

What i think is not being said is possibly the op's mum is a hoarder and that has affected the state of the property and also perhaps seeing damage or reporting repairs before it got to this point.

If thats the case then the op might be withholding that information because she fears posters will blame her mum for the situation.

I've read enough articles about council / HA properties in London to know there's a serious problem with tenants being left to live in disgusting conditions.

As pp above, what's causing the properties to fall into 'disgusting condition"? Agree with @SunnySideDeepDown tenants still have to acknowledge they have responsibility for upkeep of their home.
It's on the LA for structural repairs, but general cleanliness, damp, vermin thats surely on the tenant?

hard agree. That house didn’t get into that state in a few months. Or even a year or two.

Yes, have to agree. My dad lives in a HA property and while the HA are pretty good, we have to help him keep on top of it. Sometimes minor repairs are fixed by a family member and we decorate every 2 or 3 years.

The HA is also not responsible for pests inside the property (only in communal areas) so when my dad ended up with wasps in the loft, we had to call the council and paid a fee to get it removed.

As everyone has said, would guess OP’s mum’s house had become this way because of a variety of factors. I don’t think anyone would judge her (or her mum) for that. Mental health can lead to people living in truly terrible conditions. The task now is to get it fixed and honestly, just accept clean and safe alternative accommodation.

One thing I would add from a general perspective, and acknowledging that council employees are only human, and services are stretched, vulnerable people, especially with mental health issues, find it challenging to engage. Even those without severe challenges can find the system difficult to navigate.

As an example, practises such as sending an email to an 85 year old last thing on a Fruday giving them 24 hours to accept a property they deemed suitable, despite evidence to the contrary, with the instruction to seek official external support over a weekend, and saying if it's refused or not accepted, the council will end it's duty of care and said person will be making themselves voluntarily homeless. This happened to my Dad three times in a 9 month period, and I had to involve a local councillor and our MP to get the situation looked at with any sort of humanity.

The feeling of being at the mercy of the state, and some of the administrative fubars can send people into a very dark place. The feeling of having little or no autonomy, the undertone of judgement, the implication that any objection, no matter how rationally or politely expressed can be a "black mark" is really hard, and can generate paranoia in even the most stable person.

So the OPs case is obviously complex, and we may not have all the fine detail, however, from a personal perspective and having dealt with the services referenced very recently, I understand and can empathise with the sentiments expressed.

Of course, moving forward there may have to be compromises and the OPs Mum's well-being and safety is paramount, but the phrase "the truth us rarely pure and never simple" comes to mind, and from 56 years of life experience I have learned that what should happen, and what does happen can be vastly different when dealing with officialdom, and therefore, people should at least be heard. Just because something is not my experience, I won't claim it didn't happen, because sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.