AIBU? Council repairs leaving my 86-year-old mum with nowhere suitable to live

[WhiteWinePls]

I am my mum’s full-time carer. She is 86 and has lived in her council home for all of her life. She has agoraphobia. That home has now fallen into such a dangerous state that it is uninhabitable while major repairs are carried out — likely for around 6 months.

The council’s “solution” has been to offer temporary accommodation that is completely unsuitable for her, given her needs. My mum, who has paid rent faithfully for decades, is being left with nowhere safe to go. At her age, with her health, this upheaval feels cruel and frightening. They’ve adopted a ‘like it or lump it’ position with no negotiation.

I have managed to find a flat that would keep her safe and stable until she can return home. I can also stay with her to provide the full-time care she needs. The problem is that the landlord is asking for 6 months' rent up front plus a deposit, and I do not have that kind of money as I am a full-time carer.

AIBU to ask if anyone has advice on where to turn — such as charities that could help or schemes like Discretionary Housing Payments — I would be so grateful. Also has anyone ever tried setting up a fundraiser in this situation, and do you think this would be appropriate here?

Grateful for any advice. Thank you.

Having read all the OPs posts on this and her other thread, I believe that both the OP and her DM are at crisis point in their lives. The property they live in seems to be 1 bedroom only with DM living downstairs. It is in total disarray - years of neglect likely due to lack of upkeep by the tenants. I would guess that the OPs DM is the actual tenant and the OP moved in some time ago. As she isn’t a tenant, she has no right to remain there should her DM be moved elsewhere. Her DM has been in hospital for 3+ weeks and will not be discharged back to the home, but will likely be moved to a care home or other temporary facility. The property will then fall back under the control of the Council and need fully refurbishing. The OP may well become homeless.
OP, you need to address your own housing needs as soon as possible - the council are under no obligation to house you - I suggest you speak to Shelter.

Edited as posted twice.

I could be wrong but guessing that OP has moved into her mum’s council property and only her mum is on the tenancy? So the other property is unsuitable because it’s a type of residential home or there would be no room for OP? If that’s the case, it’s not a nice situation to be in but again, this is all my assumption. If that’s the case, the council is only responsible for housing mum and if mum is bedbound, it’s likely a care facility is going to be the only thing that can meet her needs (outside of being cared for by relatives). Obviously if OP is a full time carer, that will be her main source of income too.

I could be totally wrong (this is not a pile on!!) but if it’s the case, I think having a honest chat with Shelter will help and see what all your options are. Whatever the circumstances, I hope you get sorted.

I was going to say the same
This lady needs to be somewhere that better suits her needs, possibly sheltered accommodation or even Residential care but I suspect that leaves OP with nowhere to live.
I am sure there has been a lack of repairs by The Council but that level of damage over a long period suggests serious neglect by whoever was living there. It may be that the residents were unable to look after the property which has contributed to the work that needs to be done but the sheer scale of it means that it is unlikely The Tenant will ever live there again
You need to ask SS to help house your Mum OP and find yourself somewhere else to live

No I'm not. As I explained in my post you quoted. The tenant is responsible for paying for a repair if it's them who's caused the damage. They're not responsible for actually doing the repair.

The only exception really is the many LL who won't even let you voluntarily upgrade something, eg fit new taps of a type of your choosing, and if they do agree then they'll make you responsible for those taps you installed and anything that goes wrong with them or resulting from them forever more. Generally not a pressure that's in the tenant's best interests to put on themselves.

My post you quoted was in response to someone suggesting that basic DIY repairs was tenants responsibility to sort out. I was pointing out that it really isn't, not even in circumstances where the tenant has caused the damage (I used the example of householder's kids putting a ball through the window). The LL doesn't want you getting your mate bodgy Bob round to "fix" it badly. They want to use their own people.

Mostly agree with last 2 PP, except on the other thread OP confirmed it's not an 1 bed place, there are other parts of the house but they are uninhabitable.

I think it went like this:
OPs mum has had this council house for many years.
She's also been mentally unwell for many years.
Due to that, she's not been doing any upkeep or cleaning,not keeping the house in reasonable state, maybe hoarding.
Also due to that, she's not reported repairs as they've needed doing, or not allowed workmen in to do them. Likewise she's not allowed/not had the ongoing upkeep works the council would do, like a new kitchen/bathroom every 30 years, updating wiring etc.
Because the work's been left for such a long time, it's now uninhabitable.
The council have said it's unfit and OPs mum has been assessed as unable to cope living independently. So they've offered the mum supported living but have no duty to house OP.
OP says the offered temporary accommodation is unsuitable but won't say what makes it unsuitable so it's pretty obvious the unsuitable part is that OP can't live there.
OPs now in the position of being homeless and if she's been relying on benefits as a full-time carer she's got no money to house herself.

Council repair departments are absolutely shit - I once had water running down my kitchen wall from a leaking pipe near the ceiling (when a single parent with 2 special needs DC under 7) and was put as an 'urgent' job - meaning they'd get to it within a week. When I got my council house it had a leaking toilet, 2 separate gas leaks, the boiler was condemned and there was a hole in the kitchen ceiling. But councils do rolling upkeep of their properties, they put in new wiring and kitchens etc on a planned maintenance programme because it's their assets they're maintaining, so this house being in this state when OPs mum has lived there for decades means OPs mum has either refused that ongoing upkeep, or the house or the people in it were too unsafe for workmen to be there.

TLDR: Council repairs are shocking but this house hasn't got in this state just from that.

OP you need to say what the problem is with the temporary accommodation your mum's been offered, or no one can advise you because you're not saying what the actual problem is.

I think the problem is that there's a house in central London that will revert back to the council and OP would like to live there.

The actual problem is that a frail elderly woman has been living in those conditions for a long time and the carer (the OP) should've never let it get to this.

How old are you OP? I'm asking for a bigger picture because your circumstances are going to be different depending on if your mum got pregnant at 16 (making you 70-ish) or a pre-menopause pregnancy when she was 45 (making you a lot younger).
Have you ever worked?
Have you ever lived alone?

You did initially come across as being a bit entitled, or at best just totally not understanding the system.
But I've been wondering if it's more than that. I can understand your panic if you've never worked, never moved out of the family home or lived totally independently.
And now possibly facing:
Being street-homeless shortly.
Entering the job market for the first time ever.
Losing all your possessions because you're homeless.
Losing the home you've lived in all your life.
Losing your mum's constant company that you've never been without.
Losing your income because you no longer have her to care for.
And you're trying to advocate for your mum and see to her interests on top of all that.
(As well as having some posters thinking you're a scammer).

I know you're probably afraid of getting a kicking for being "a benefit scrounger" but not everyone is horrible (and it's only pixels on a webpage in cyberspace, take a deep breath and ignore it) but you might get some more specific advice for yourself if you're willing to post the bigger picture.

The level of disrepair shown in the pictures on the other thread do not just come from the landlord not undertaking required cyclical repairs, they come from years of tenant neglect, under heating, under ventilating, under occupying (only living in one room), not reporting repairs when required or allowing access for cyclical repairs, and not engaging with support services where required.

Op your mum cannot go back to that property as it’s uninhabitable. You need to take the council up of the other housing options. That house needs months of work and a lot of money to get it in to a condition it is safe to live in, it’s not a quick fix.

Essentially, it sounds like your would be better in a care home or similar, meaning she is safe and you are free to house yourself and work etc

The council aren't punishing you... the house has to be condemned, it's uninhabitable, and not from the actions of the council.

Absolutely no way would a vulnerable lady be discharged to there, but the council would need her to surrender the tenancy before moving her elsewhere.

My concern re. the temporary accommodation comes from a recent cuckooing situation involving Mum. The perpetrator (a neighbour with a drug problem) stole all of Mum’s savings, jewellery belonging to Mum and both of my grandmothers and family heirlooms (my family were a prominent Quaker family so there were lots of valuable historical items). When Mum had nothing left to sell, she stole Mum’s food to the point where Mum ended up in hospital due to starvation.

The police (Bethnal Green Police Station) are aware, but have cited understaffing as their reason for not getting involved. The Council are aware but have told us to “be kind” as the perpetrator has mental health issues.

Luckily, the neighbours got together, started filming the incidents and looked out for Mum by chasing away the perpetrator. This is the point at which I returned home as her carer. However, I also have a family of my own with youngish children, so need to spend time with them as well.

My concern is that if Mum is moved to this new accommodation, we won’t have the oversight of the neighbours when I am not around. This person could start exploiting Mum again and she’ll have no one to protect her.

Won’t she be far enough away?

also I thought you lived with your mum from your other thread?

Well she can't stay in a condemned house can she? Nor can you if you've a home of your own with young children elsewhere!

If there's not actually a suitability issue with the temporary accommodation, I'm not really sure what you're expecting the council to do. What sort of solution are you hoping for?

If your mum can't keep herself safe it's probably time to look into supporting living or a care home.

@Lambtangine I do live with Mum, as of June this year. But I also have a family and young children that I have left behind and need to go back to. The idea is that I spend half my time with Mum and half my time with them.

If you don’t want your mother moved somewhere and she obviously shouldn’t be left in deteriorated housing, what Do you suggest happens?

The Council initially suggested a hotel apartment whilst the works were being done. This would be a perfect solution as she would be in a safe environment, whether or not I am there. They then went for the cheaper solution of a flat with no protection.

As for care home, she doesn't really meet the criteria and in any case just wants to go home as soon as she can.

I thought that you said your DM was bed bound ?

In that case, she would surely meet the criteria to be in a safe, clean, warm Council funded care or nursing home

How can a bedbound elderly lady who needs full time care not meet the criteria for a care home. Who is in hospital on suicide watch?

If you have a home you've left behind along with young kids then why can't she come and live with you?

She has capacity and doesn't want to go into a care home I would LOVE for her to come and live with us, but unfortunately her agoraphobia prevents that.

She can’t go back to the house OP, it is squalid. I’m struggling to imagine a situation a daughter would be happy for their parent to live like that.

If the house is a 3 bed the council
may be able to give her priority for something smaller. She clearly cannot manage a house and you’ve said yourself she was only living in one room.

Are you hoping to succeed the tenancy yourself one day?

edited - typo!

How did the cuckooing person get access to your mum and her things when she is bed bound and agoraphobic? And how would that same person get access to her when she's living somewhere else away from her current home, if they're a neighbour at the current home?

Why would your mum be safe in a hotel but not a flat, hotel staff aren't carers and won't stop anyone coming and going?

The updates don't make masses of sense.

You can't turn down a perfectly fine flat because you would prefer a hotel apartment. Sorry but that isn't a reasonable expectation of the council.

You simply cannot stay in a condemned house. Something has to give.

Genuinely can't see what form of agoraphobia would mean she can be in:

• a strange private rented flat
• hospital
• council temporary accommodation

But can't possibly stay with you?

Also... how does a house get holes in walls? Surely if your mum has lived there ages there was a point where she's not maintained her home for it to get like this? Its not a hotel, as a renter while the landlord has main obligation for major repairs i don't think its reasonable to do absolutely nothing while a property gets overrun with rats. Why hasn't she moved elsewhere years ago if it wasnt fit to live in?

You can't turn down a perfectly fine flat because you would prefer a hotel apartment. Sorry but that isn't a reasonable expectation of the council.

This. If you want luxury, you have to be prepared to pay for it yourself.

If her care needs are so high that she is this vulnerable living alone it sounds like the time has come for a care home etc.