AIBU to stop posting and giving advice on mumsnet

[ItsSappingMyEnergy]

I've been on mumsnet for years, and have name changed for this. I feel like recently I have given a lot of well received advice on various posts, only for them to seemingly go nowhere, no resolution, or real difference made in the end.
AIBU to just stop giving advice, I will still read posts, but I feel like we are all giving our advice and knowledge, which uses our time and energy, for nothing.
I don't personally know anyone on here, should I just save my energy for people i know in real life?
It's frustrating to invest in a thread that ends suddenly with no further information given on how things worked out.
I'm starting to think it isn't healthy at all, despite the fact I know some people really need help.

It's a two way street. The poster shares, we participate or learn by reading.

Sometimes we think it's our movie to direct....🤗from a good, invested intention

People are fickle, especially in these types of marriages they are held on a financial string. Not always easy to just pack his bags or storm out the door

Years ago, I posted on here because my exH had told me our marriage was over. It ended up being one of the 1000 posts. I was so grateful to everyone who took time to support me. But there was absolutely no way I could respond to everyone, I was in the middle of my marriage ending. I was grateful though and I still am.

So sometimes you’re making a real difference, even when the OP can’t acknowledge it or give an update. You might have changed someone’s life. Totally up to you if you stop, of course. This is just a bunch of strangers on a screen. Don’t give more than you can.

Quite possible
Not each and every has this shoulder irl

There's loads of useful advice and interesting info on here, even if OP ignores advice

Look after yourself but please don't stop responding if you feel you can help or advise. I posted when my DH was dying, I needed help understanding hospital speak and likely outcomes. The support I received was lovely, it really helped. I didn't go back to my thread because my DH died and I had a whole load of other stuff to deal with but I really appreciated the support at the time.

Bring the laugh emoji 😂

I quote MN all the time. I think there is a real wealth of information here. Some threads may be AI or trolls but good advice is still relevant. I can’t remember how I found MN but I do know it was Christmas time and I was amazed at the “frugal holiday at PIL” threads. There is a frugal PIL thread right now and I have a fascination for this storytelling of being underfed cold while bf infant with toddler hanging off my leg and DH doing nothing to help on Christmas Day. I also notice some posters by style and they consistently give good advice and I think…oh there you are Mrs Terry Pratchett! Her advice may not apply to me but maybe apply to someone I know. I have had posters thank me or quote me or directly quote me and I have also had my post slide into oblivion with many others giving good advice. Some really post from the heart and I’m thankful for this clearheaded advice. If only I had MN during my divorce or early years of post divorce dating!

You are looking at it the wrong way , just because someone doesn't say immediately they will take action doesnt mean support or wise word have gone in vain.

I have had some major issues over the last 15 years and mn has been a tremendous source of support but no I didn't take immediate action when people said do x y z because humans are not like that.

@Lavenderandbrown I do love a good frugal at Christmas pils thread🤣 I had a good one myself one year.
At one time there were so many posters dreading the cold unwelcome penis sized portion regime awaiting them they said they would all wear a red scarf or something on the motorway to smile in solidarity.

I now feel guilty. I posted a thread with great advice given when my daughter went away to camp for the first time, and she was really upset.. I was in a quandary of whether to pick her up. In the interests of replying to your concern, Actually camp was fine,and the resolution has been, she's come home unscathed, having had a great time.. never updated though that after the worry of what might happen far away was proved not needed.. the worry that she could go into the back garden and fracture her wrist was not even considered.. and should have been! It was an update missed

@Tutorpuzzle, it’s here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/5388469-archers-thread-189-brian-reaps-what-he-sows-in-spite-of-himself-discuss-the-archers-here?reply=146280234

I'm starting to feel like all I am doing is letting complete strangers vent at me, listen to my advice, then walk off like nothing happened. I wouldn't put up with it in real life

You wouldn't put up with it?

So if you met a distressed stranger at a bus stop and they poured their heart out to you, you would refuse to give advice because you think you are entitled to a resolution?

Be honest with yourself OP you are either using people’s problems for entertainment or you are using them to validate that you are right, so you can feel good about what a wise person you are.

If you are going to offer help, offer it freely.

Anything else is pretty unpleasant.

I think it’s good to give advice as those with similar issues will see and benefit even if the op doesn’t listen or doesn’t update

You've got yourself way too overinvested OP, which can be easily done.

Chat forums are for entertainment, company, information and advice.

They're not work and should never be treated as such.

As soon as you stop enjoying them, it's time to stop posting on them.

None of us are indispensable 🤷‍♂️

I had some great advice on a thread recently but it was picked up by the Mirror online and the details were identifying so I had to request to have it removed. There are lots of reasons why the OP may not come back.

I dont know why people overinvest when you only hear one side, passing on a bit of advice is one thing but people do take on others problems so if you are doing that then yes stop it is not normal

I think it's just like real life, you can offer an opinion or advice and in real life your friend will do what they do at the end of the day. I think it's nice when ppl offer support and have had similar experiences/problems, I remember the absolute agony of my ex being unfaithful and leaving me with a 3 year old and a one year old and not ever paying maintenance. Even though it was many years ago. I would have loved to have someone say to me it will get better, you are stronger than you think etc. If only one person benefits whether I know about it or not, to me it is worth it. I know MN is for men too but overall I find it supportive and makes me see alternative perspectives.which I value even if I don't agree.

Advice is rarely welcome or well received. You may have helped someone, you may have entertained a casual observer or foolishly fallen into a spat with someone who hangs out on the net for entertainment. Who knows? It can't be good for anyone's mental health to become so involved with random poster queries. If you think you're being badly affected then stop posting and give yourself a rest.

I'm reminded of a Mumsnetter years ago who was quite prolific on the Relationships topic.

She said she'd bought herself a separate mobile phone so she could call Mumsnetters and give them advice.

Now that's what you call overinvested! 😳😳

This!

People post because they need help. If your help comes with conditions maybe you need to think about why exactly you’re posting. A lot of people seem to think that their advice should be taken as instructions to be followed, and get angry when the OP doesn’t do it. You need to remember these are human beings on the other side of the screen. It is very easy to dish out advice from the comfort of your own sofa, far harder to take the right actions when you’re the one actually in the situation. If you want the storyline to progress and provide closure at the end you should stick to novels.

LOL was that Any Fucker?

Of course posters would have to agree to give her their number.

You are not owed an explanation or an update. Other peoples lives are not entertainment says @MartinAynuss

Social media like this is entertainment.

It's not work, it's akin to a hobby.

I agree with this

it’s our choice to become invested or not. At times I have wanted to hear that they have left or got legal advice etc but I am not owed an explanation or a thank you and have no idea and there could be many reasons why they have not returned

But by posting in the first place, you're showing investment.

Yes of course but that is a choice

but to feel a need for an explanation or an update is different to wanting to hear all is ok

some seem to struggle to accept that are not owed anything back

and honestly those who seem to get very invested so often turn when their demands are not met or they are not thanked (not saying this is the case with the op)