AIBU to stop posting and giving advice on mumsnet

[ItsSappingMyEnergy]

I've been on mumsnet for years, and have name changed for this. I feel like recently I have given a lot of well received advice on various posts, only for them to seemingly go nowhere, no resolution, or real difference made in the end.
AIBU to just stop giving advice, I will still read posts, but I feel like we are all giving our advice and knowledge, which uses our time and energy, for nothing.
I don't personally know anyone on here, should I just save my energy for people i know in real life?
It's frustrating to invest in a thread that ends suddenly with no further information given on how things worked out.
I'm starting to think it isn't healthy at all, despite the fact I know some people really need help.

Many of these threads receive hundreds of replies. Direct quote responses to the OP, tagging the OP, not tagging the OP, quoting and tagging other posters, sub-conversations, arguments, deleted comments.

People can't seriously expect an OP to respond to everyone, or respond to them specifically just because they think their advice is more deep, meaningful and relevant than the rest.

Maybe her marriage was falling apart and replying to MN wasn’t the first thing she thought to do.

It’s just an open internet forum. I’d try not to get so invested.

I like to think replies also help the silent lurkers and people who find the thread on google when searching for advice.

I've definitely benefitted from posts on here that weren’t directed at me!

The vast majority of posters on here want you to sympathise and validate their poor choices, and tell them they are doing their best.

They don't want to hear:

• that children often have difficult behaviour that is caused primarily by parenting (or simply personality) and not always a medical diagnosis or neurodiversity.
• that there aren't really any easy side hustles that bring in any meaningful amount of money around caring for young kids
• that they need to take accountability for their own finances
• that a bloke who has 3 kids already that he isn't supporting, and contributes nothing in housework or money, is probably not a keeper
• that you cannot be signed off sick indefinitely on full pay
• that an ever shrinking working age population cannot pay for a huge pool of retirees, students and people off sick

I am always reading old threads. Whatever my problem or question, I type it into Google and very often add 'mumsnet' to the end of the search string. I pretty much always find the answer or advice I need. What I don't do, is update a zombie thread to say thanks for the advice. But generally, if you post here, your words will be helping people for years to come, unless the original post was exceptionally niche! Please keep posting :)

I absolutely hate the premise of this thread. One of the worst things for me on Mumsnet is when posters come back challenging the OP "so what are you going to do about it?'

It would be highly irresponsible to immediately make life changing decisions based on advice from strangers. An advice forum should he used along with real life experience, conversations with people in real life, instinct etc.

I often give advice and have no idea if the OP has even read it. Sometimes I find the lack of acknowledgement rude if I've taken a long time over it but the post can also benefit others who are going through the same situation. I never see it as a waste of time but if it's taking a toll on you, hide the Relationships board for a while.

I read a lot of useful advice here on schools, and a pension thread made me realise that I urgently need to do something about my pension. And yes, as it was mentioned before, I often Google a question adding Mumsnet, and get fantastic results.
Lots and lots of practical advice and life hacks here.
I thought a lot about getting emotionally engaged. It has happened to me in real life, and I am slowly disengaging myself from active listening, emotionally processing people's problems and giving advice.
As Lord Goring from An Ideal Husband said,
"the only sensible thing to do with good advice is to pass it on".

Its the Internet 90% of what you are reading is from trolls who are bored or mumsnet to build traffic. Your taking it to seriously and getting to invested. If its effecting you absolutely take a break

I think it's best not to become so invested in a thread on MN that the response/lack of response you receive affects you emotionally. If you choose to contribute to a thread, that's up to you. If the OP acknowledges your contribution, that's up to them. They certainly don't owe you anything (gratitude, updates, whatever).

Someone once proudly posted that their hobby was breaking up marriages or something like that. They evidently meant that their posts on MN were somehow responsible for women leaving unhealthy relationships. It was cringeworthy that this person had such a high opinion of themselves and their comments on a message board (which tended to be the usual advice we see on MN, nothing original or earth shattering). Of course, it's true that MN can be a source of support for people going through difficult times. But the vast majority of people need real life support and resources, not just the bland, repetitive words that appear on MN.

And then there's the fact that a high number of threads are 100% fiction, invented by trolls with too much time on their hands.

Sometimes when people are in serious situations, they just can't update, and after some recent corkers, I'd be suspicious of any OP who very conveniently updates in a timely manner saying their neighbour was already tried, found guilty, and sentenced in the fortnight since she last posted, or the OP who decides to leave their marriage after an hour of posting on MN, or who (after deciding to leave) is apparently in a new house a few days later to naive cheers of "I knew you could do it OP".

Life just doesn't work like that and especially not on that sort of schedule.

Can't you just pass on your advice without expecting anything back?

Mumsnet is fantastic for practical advice and experience - that's how I ended up here nine years ago, despite being childfree. I was renovating, and everything I googled had a MN hit. I will also specifically add Mumsnet to google searches on practical things.

AIBU however, should have a disclaimer, "for entertainment purposes only". It's just an interactive Heat magazine with no story editor.

I think people post hoping for actual help and useful advice. A significant proportion of the time what they get is a swarm of aggro and attack, which is going to be extra upsetting when you’re feeling vulnerable anyway, and in those cases personally I don’t blame them for not coming back to the thread.

I'll sometimes reply when an OP is likely to be gone or unresponsive because of this.

Sometimes my reply isn't needed and I read and move on.

Don't spend more time and emotional energy than you can afford to give. Especially in sections like AIBU.

You can't get too invested in things like relationship or life advice

People could be trolls or ai

You're only getting a snippet of their life anyway

In my experience many people don't really want advice. They either want others to confirm they're right, or just want a vent.

An exception would be more specialised areas. Like, if someone is asking for a product recommendation, holiday suggestions, or advice on a specific medical issue that you have experience in- then I think you could expect your contribution to be well received.

You're not unreasonable to not post. Its your life so do what you want.

But you're unreasonable to feel entitled to updates from strangers. You choose to give advice, but those seeking it aren't obliged to agree with it, follow it or even acknowledge it.

I was so invested in that thread! It’s so disappointing when there’s no update. I’m with the OP and I’m starting to think focussing energy on other peoples problems isn’t healthy.

Oh, but it's fun! And for all my posts that are ignored, I flatter myself that maybe out there someone (not the OP) has my pearls of wisdom in a gilt frame taking pride of place on the mantelpiece and lights a candle of thanks to it every evening 🌞

Just because someone does specifically thank you for your advice or do exactly what you suggest and update about it doesn’t mean you didn’t help or your time was wasted.

I click on threads that have similar circumstances to my life and read and appreciate advice on there. Also sometimes an OP might not be ready to take advice or may have a lot going on but that’s not to say that the opinions didn’t help or sink in or were, when ready, actioned.

Blimey, even I remember that one and added my pennysworth - or is it tuppenceworth lol

I hope that OP is okay as that sounded all kinds of wrong 😬

No, but if you ask for something (particularly practical information rather than just advice), and someone takes their time to provide you with it, surely it's basic manners to just say 'thanks,' ?

I mean, in real life if you asked your colleagues 'Can anyone show me how to use the printer please?' and they took the time to walk you through it you'd not just turn around once they'd finished, walk off and never speak to them again?

It's not asking much, really, a one word post, is it? It does piss me off when posters take time to provide a helpful response and there's absolutely nothing back from OP. They don't have to tell me the result of the advice but it's nice to acknowledge someone has taken the time to help you.

I quite frequently see posts asking about my specific area of specialism, but have gone off bothering a bit now after previously posting several lengthy and detailed responses which I hope were be helpful (essentially info in my RL I would have charged quite a lot for if provided in a professional context!) without the slightest acknowledgement.

Oh, my god, is there an Archers thread?! I had no idea! Hadn’t listened for a while and am now utterly bemused by Amber 🤣. I shall go and investigate. Thank you!

And thank you too, @ItsSappingMyEnergy , if it wasn’t for this thread I would never have known..

I put my first post up last week..
I was so happy to have Mumsnet to turn to for advice & kind words , have to say I got brilliant advice , advice i will heed for the future ..
Lots of threads on here aswel we can all relate to , & I take on board advice given aswel then ..