To NOT arrange for my child to be tutored for 11+?

[Spongblobsparepants]

I know I’m a bit late to this one, but it’s occurred to me that every single family I’ve spoken to, who’s child is attempting to get into grammar school, is having their child expensively tutored to within an inch of its life.

I always thought that the point of the gs system was to act as a leveller and allow clever children from all backgrounds to have an excellent education. I remember saying as such to the mums of the two others in their class who are doing the 11+….before realising that they too are forking out vast sums for tutoring.😳

Now in feeling like the idiot, as all I’ve done is shove a few past papers and a workbook in front of my child, to give an idea of what to expect.

It helps that mine is ambivalent about where they’re going, the gs itself is out of county and the local state comp and its sixth form is good. My main worry is my child getting bored and mucking about there to be honest. They’re very bright (not bragging, but it’s true, has been doing yr 6 work for a while) but I’ve not particularly been pushing. I ‘never my fulfilled my potential’ as my mother would say 🙄and am now wondering if I should have approached this as a ‘project’ like the other ambitious parents appear to have done.

AIBU?

Are you actually seeking advice or do you just mean to judge other parents?

(We live nowhere near a grammar area so I have no skin in the game. My son is in top set of a decent state school and having a fabulous time. That said, we get him top up tutors for subjects he loves because he likes extra stretch and I don't feel even a shred of guilt about it)

None of the kids I know here were tutored and they all passed. Many very comfortably.
It is very region - dependent.

I was just making the point that you don’t need to pay someone to tutor your child; you can do the same thing with them at home.

You can, if you have the skills and the time. Lots of parents won't.

I am just curious why tutoring is down looked at as some kind of way of propping your kid up to take a place they don't really deserve, but a parent teaching them at home isn't? All the people I know who proudly didn't tutor but did things at home were either SAHMs or very part time. Quite a few part time or ex teachers. I am not sure that that is any less privileged than a tutor for an hour a week.

My dd wasn’t tutored. Her school actively discourage it. If you need to be tutored just to get in there it’s likely you won’t keep up once there.

DS is struggling with confidence at English ATM due to a dreadful teacher last year (half the parents have made formal complaints).

We've been trying to help him with that this summer - he can do the work but he doesn't want to / feels insecure about it / has no confidence in what he writes.

He's a bit pissed off but understands the logic and is feeling better about it now. I would say half his peers don't have the same attitude to homework generally though.

He's going to have to do homework soon enough, so I'd rather get him into that habit and mentality rather than it being stress later on.

So yes I wouldn't say we were tutoring but I would say we were trying to actively help him because he needs support. Others will probably view it v differently.

This is exactly what my primary and secondary (grammar) said. A lot didn’t listen and they struggled

Did the same sentiment apply to parents working with their kids on practicing the 11+ at home?

My children were all tutored for one hour a week and did 2_3 practice papers per week for the 2 terms before the exam.
They certainly were not tutored within an inch of their lives!! The tests and timings are not something that a highly intelligent child or adult would manage without some familiarity beforehand.

No idea, we didn’t practise. I didn’t want my dd to feel pressure to pass.

Is your child currently at a private school geared to entrance tests ? If not then they won't have the correct maths taught.

Op I agree these tests are supposed to level DC out but since teachers aren't allowed to put some DC foreword any help has to come from parents and that's where the system falls down

The Sutton trust said this and that grammar should do more out reach work.

Annoys me when people claim a child was tutored within an inch of their life. Most of those kids had 1 hour a week. Hardly hardship.

Its up to you what you do @Spongblobsparepants however you can over tutor at home as well.

My DC were not tutored. Eldest got a high mark and toddled off to grammar school, then onto a BA and then MA.
Youngest I never even entered for 11 plus - I knew a grammar school would not be the right learning environment.

My thoughts are that if your child needs tutoring to pass the 11 plus, there is a high possibility they will continue to need tutoring to keep up and that’s an expensive business.

A lot of the children at my school are heavily tutored for 11 plus but the ones that passed this year (as in last September test) were mainly the untutored children. I’ve known tutored children pass and go to grammar but find it too hard and transfer to comprehensive. Our old head and the year 6 teacher recommend that children aren’t tutored but should look at practice papers to get the feel of the tests.

Each child and learning experience is different.
One of mine is a Dux Medal winner (highest academic achiever of the graduating year) from one of the highest state schools in Scotland.
He had not a single day of tutoring, all done by himself on his own merit and intelligence.
The only coaching he had was in sport, as he is a superb cyclist as well.
It completely confounded the school and many other parents that he headed off to travel the world, ride his bike, climb some mountains and learn to snowboard instead of onto the university and life treadmill that so many folk think is the route to success.

We are in NI.

Back in the early 00s we just did the 11+. It was only the less able children who got tutored. I went to a grammar school as an above average child but certainly not a genius.

Now, in my son’s class, all children preparing for 11+ are being tutored. My son included.

He is regularly scoring 100% in his practice papers, I have no concerns - but his tutor is very good at teaching revision tactics and ironing out any bad habits.

They must have the maths though many schools don't touch on algebra until after the exam but it can be in the exam
I know many DC who had three hour lessons per week and hours of hw and didn't pass.

It's not a given that tutoring means passing.

Having said that I'm a big believer in tutoring if your DC needs it. At any time .
Sometimes they may just need a maths boost or English on some concepts or.slme help before GCSEs.

11 plus tutoring is big business.
I agree a bright child won't need endless hours a week but please make sure they have the maths

Hi, I am a tutor and I do not do 11+ because in my experience a lot of parents (in our area anyway) are neurotic about it and it’s a bad experience for the child. I’m sure not all parents are like that, but I did it for two years and then stopped because frankly I don’t want to be part of that.

When it’s time for DD to do it, I’ll do some past papers with her, but I won’t make it a huge deal. She’s 6 anyway, so not going to have to worry about it for a while. It’s a personal decision and as long as you feel you’re doing what’s best for your child, then go with that and don’t let anyone make you feel pressured.

I got to a few weeks before the eleven plus when I realised my friend’s daughter had been tutored for months. I got the books which show how to do verbal and non verbal reasoning and showed my daughter how to do them. They both passed their eleven plus. If a child is bright enough, they will pass if they have some practice and don’t need private tutoring,

I' lm not sure what you want people to tell you OP. Obviously some grammar schools are much more competitive than others. If it's a super-selective, where only 5% of applicants are admitted, then there will be more tutoring going on than in areas where the admission rate is 50%, for instance.

I don’t want to over tutor my child, but I do want them to have enough familiarity with the question types that they’re not encountering much for the first time during the exam. I’m strongly against pushing a child who’s not naturally bright because I fear they will then struggle the whole time through secondary but if they’re there or thereabouts helping them through it as a pragmatic choice to me.

It makes very little difference unless your child is right on the borderline.

A very bright child will pass, a not so academic child will not and tutoring doesn't change that.

How did he do on the practice papers you gave him?

Unless you're an unusual teenager who has found mumsnet, that was at least a decade or two ago and therefore bears no relevance to kids sitting for grammar schools today. Our local one had 3000 applicants for 90 places.

My mum taught at a grammar school for years.

She said you could always tell which kids had been heavily coached to pass the 11+ exam as they usually spent the next 5 years being bottom of the class and struggling compared to others.

If your child is bright they'll be fine.

To get into a GS in my area the competition is absolutely savage. Many students are tutored from year 4 onwards.

My children were tutored from year 5 by a tutor with an incredible pass rate (but also an incredible price tag!) They all got a place which I was thankful for but I've not heard of any untutored children getting a place. If you did not score within the top 20% of students you had no chance. There are very few places and even very bright children sometimes don't stand a chance.

In our area there is no chance of passing without being tutored.

Like I said might be different in different areas.

We are not in a grammar school area.

The one school there is has over 10 applications per place.

Maybe 2 or 3 from my kids primary will get a place each year.

And if you haven't been tutored you have no chance.

Like I said it might be different where Op lives. But I would assume she would have done the research beforehand on what prep she needed to do or not.