To only invite people to only evening wedding reception?

Amby99 · 2025-08-19T12:01:50+00:00

I feel really bad but our wedding is priced per head for the drinks reception / wedding breakfast etc at nearly £200 pp. For this reason we really do have to limit numbers so it doesn’t start getting ridiculous. our wedding is close family (which is already ~ 40 people with their partners) and then about 10-15 close friends. For the evening do, we can invite up to 100 people free of charge. There are some people that our parents have requested to invite (even just for the evening). For example my aunty (by marriage) son from her marriage previously before my uncle has been requested. But I haven’t seen him in 5 years and aren’t particularly close but we would like him and his partner at the evening do. is it offensive though? I’m worried it comes across like ‘you’re not important enough to come to the ceremony but you are to the evening’… Also do I do evening invites? Or just let them know?

ForFunGoose · 19/08/2025 13:05

I would pick a venue with a cheaper price per head or have no evening invitations.

Coming to your free party will cost the guests money and seems really grabby imo

Bambamhoohoo · 19/08/2025 13:07

Evening guests are fine, although of course you are saying they’re only important enough to be at the day- but they’re not are they? Surely people can’t get offended by that.

just be clear with them. I’ve been to more than one wedding where people have believed they are going to the wedding to find the ceremony was done with 10 people and they’re coming along to the after party. Not being clear will cause problems

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/08/2025 13:07

I think evening only invitations see common enough that most people are ok with it.

Unless you are asking people to travel long distances just for the evening.

ETA - it’s silly to say you’re worried that it comes across like they’re not important enough to come to the rest of the wedding. It doesn’t come across that way, that is literally what is happening. As I said, I think most people are fine with it. But let’s not pretend it’s something it’s not!

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2025 13:11

They're common enough that I think it's vaguely socially acceptable, though I don't think it's appropriate personally for someone that either has to travel for or you haven't seen him for a long time.

Nearly £200 a head sounds like a complete rip-off to me, when I expect you getting the same sort of meat with some form of potato and sides that most places give you. I'm sure it's a lovely venue, but I think you have to work through your priorities as to whether the venue is more important than who you can share it with. That's a personal call only only you can make.

Drowningincokezero · 19/08/2025 13:12

This has surely always been ok? There has always been such a thing as an evening only Guestlist and it's not offensive at all imo. It makes sense that not everyone can be catered for, or would be close enough to invite to the actual ceremony, but you would like to have them join you in the celebrations afterwards. When I got married 20 years ago, evening guests were properly invited with a paper invitation and required to RSVP as a buffet was provided for the evening and I needed to know numbers. Unless anything has drastically changed in wedding etiquette I wouldn't bat an eyelid at an evening invitation and would take it as meaningful and touching that they wanted me there.
Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful day x

Bambamhoohoo · 19/08/2025 13:13

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2025 13:11

They're common enough that I think it's vaguely socially acceptable, though I don't think it's appropriate personally for someone that either has to travel for or you haven't seen him for a long time.

Nearly £200 a head sounds like a complete rip-off to me, when I expect you getting the same sort of meat with some form of potato and sides that most places give you. I'm sure it's a lovely venue, but I think you have to work through your priorities as to whether the venue is more important than who you can share it with. That's a personal call only only you can make.

I don’t know. We paid £120 per head 17 years ago and that wasn’t that unusual?

I am miffed by people saying evening guests are vaguely acceptable. Every home (as opposed to abroad!) wedding I’ve never been to has had them. It’s part of the normal running of a wedding to have evening guests?!

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 19/08/2025 13:16

I don't know if it's offensive as such.

But I do think it's ridiculous to insist on a wedding so expensive that you can't really afford to invite so many people to it.

That sort of thing (£200 per head) is best left to those who can comfortably afford that sort of thing.

TheNightingalesStarling · 19/08/2025 13:17

In the real world its absolutely fine. On MN its at the same level as requiring your guests to sacrifice their first born child as part of the ceremony

(Caveat... as long as it isn't your Grandmother or similar!)

Bambamhoohoo · 19/08/2025 13:20

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 19/08/2025 13:16

I don't know if it's offensive as such.

But I do think it's ridiculous to insist on a wedding so expensive that you can't really afford to invite so many people to it.

That sort of thing (£200 per head) is best left to those who can comfortably afford that sort of thing.

I don’t know- should anyone expect to have to invite work colleagues, mums friends and a random auntie you don’t know to their wedding ceremony regardless of budget?

evening guests are a way to keep everyone happy- mums work friends get to see her as the proud mum of the bride, everyone can catch up with second cousins they haven’t seen for 8 years, etc etc. it doesn’t have to be negative.

I mean honestly weddings are pretty dull to spend 14 hours at so if I got to show up to evening say hi and have a dance I’d be happy, if it wasn’t close family or friends.

Dozer · 19/08/2025 13:22

Evening invitations aren’t unusual in the UK, but are unlikely to be appreciated by evening invitees living far away enough for it to be impractical to get there and back for the evening. We only invited people who were local to the evening bit and provided a welcome drink and basic evening buffet/cake.

Zov · 19/08/2025 13:23

Your choice, but do expect some people to not come.

£200 a head though! WTAF?! My niece had a nice big wedding recently - in a big stately home - and that was £80 per head. WTF? £200 per head?! If you have 50 people, that's £10,000! Just for the bloody meal. What planet is this on?!

!

welcometotheblackparadee · 19/08/2025 13:23

Sometimes I think I live on a different planet to people on here… if a cousin I only see once or twice a year at best invited me to the full wedding I’d be genuinely baffled. Night do invitations are for random cousins, great aunties and friends from various places. Not one person I’ve ever met who has got married in this country hasn’t had day and night do guests.

Don’t over think it OP, it’s really not as deep as everyone here would have you believe.

SunnyDolly · 19/08/2025 13:25

Perfectly fine, and yes do evening invites so they know what time to arrive. It’s very commonplace!!

ACynicalDad · 19/08/2025 13:28

One wedding we went to was a hog roast in the church hall with guests bringing desserts, need to normalise modest weddings.

EvenMoreCrisps · 19/08/2025 13:29

What is the food you're paying £11,000 for?
Just make it clear on the invitation it's not a wedding invite, just the party, otherwise people might spend money on a gift or new outfit.

AnonKat · 19/08/2025 13:30

I dont mind evening only invites tbh! If people find it offensive, then they can say no.

Original poster

Amby99 · 19/08/2025 13:30

Drowningincokezero · 19/08/2025 13:12

This has surely always been ok? There has always been such a thing as an evening only Guestlist and it's not offensive at all imo. It makes sense that not everyone can be catered for, or would be close enough to invite to the actual ceremony, but you would like to have them join you in the celebrations afterwards. When I got married 20 years ago, evening guests were properly invited with a paper invitation and required to RSVP as a buffet was provided for the evening and I needed to know numbers. Unless anything has drastically changed in wedding etiquette I wouldn't bat an eyelid at an evening invitation and would take it as meaningful and touching that they wanted me there.
Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful day x

Thanks so much! Yes that’s what I initially thought I remember when I was little going with my family to evening only invitations and remember very well my uncle had separate evening invites!

OP posts:

TurkeyTwizlers · 19/08/2025 13:31

Are they local, then it’s fine.
I think it’s very very important to welcome evening guests and organise a drink for them. I think letting people wander in and then ignoring them is the worst behaviour.
I was just telling someone about my closest friends wedding. We all got evening invites and then she did her very best to avoid us all night, I never saw the groom. There was zero point being there in the end.

Original poster

Amby99 · 19/08/2025 13:33

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 19/08/2025 13:16

I don't know if it's offensive as such.

But I do think it's ridiculous to insist on a wedding so expensive that you can't really afford to invite so many people to it.

That sort of thing (£200 per head) is best left to those who can comfortably afford that sort of thing.

We can - for the guests we actually know well. Which is why I considered the evening invites for parents and family that would like other people there, but aren’t particularly HUGELY important for us if that makes sense.

OP posts:

Original poster

Amby99 · 19/08/2025 13:34

TurkeyTwizlers · 19/08/2025 13:31

Are they local, then it’s fine.
I think it’s very very important to welcome evening guests and organise a drink for them. I think letting people wander in and then ignoring them is the worst behaviour.
I was just telling someone about my closest friends wedding. We all got evening invites and then she did her very best to avoid us all night, I never saw the groom. There was zero point being there in the end.

Of course there will be drinks they won’t have to pay for! And yes, very local people. No one would be coming from more than 25 mins away

OP posts:

ARichtGoodDram · 19/08/2025 13:35

Evening invitations are absolutely fine.

Original poster

Amby99 · 19/08/2025 13:35

Bambamhoohoo · 19/08/2025 13:20

I don’t know- should anyone expect to have to invite work colleagues, mums friends and a random auntie you don’t know to their wedding ceremony regardless of budget?

evening guests are a way to keep everyone happy- mums work friends get to see her as the proud mum of the bride, everyone can catch up with second cousins they haven’t seen for 8 years, etc etc. it doesn’t have to be negative.

I mean honestly weddings are pretty dull to spend 14 hours at so if I got to show up to evening say hi and have a dance I’d be happy, if it wasn’t close family or friends.

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Yes exactly this! It’s just requests from parents / family who they would like etc

OP posts:

Chonk · 19/08/2025 13:37

It's absolutely fine OP. I think you should do formal evening invites.

JazzyBBBG · 19/08/2025 13:40

It's fine. The evening is the best part!
Can't tell if you are feeing people though if it's free??

purser25 · 19/08/2025 13:43

I have been to both all day and just the evening not the least bit offended. You do need to provide some sort of food in the evening.