To only invite people to only evening wedding reception?

[Amby99]

I feel really bad but our wedding is priced per head for the drinks reception / wedding breakfast etc at nearly £200 pp. For this reason we really do have to limit numbers so it doesn’t start getting ridiculous. our wedding is close family (which is already ~ 40 people with their partners) and then about 10-15 close friends. For the evening do, we can invite up to 100 people free of charge.

There are some people that our parents have requested to invite (even just for the evening). For example my aunty (by marriage) son from her marriage previously before my uncle has been requested. But I haven’t seen him in 5 years and aren’t particularly close but we would like him and his partner at the evening do.

is it offensive though? I’m worried it comes across like ‘you’re not important enough to come to the ceremony but you are to the evening’…

Also do I do evening invites? Or just let them know?

My day wedding guest list was 50 only due to cost. Similar to you it was around £200 a head. We choose the same beautiful and thoughtful invitations for the evening reception and ensured the guests had food and cake for the evening. We also had a non-alcoholic cocktail bar for the evening drinks reception which went down well. Each guest was allocated a drink.

I did a bouquet ribbon cutting which included all the females after the first dance. This way it does not matter if they are single/partnered, younger/older it is about new beginnings.

I had the same worries and plenty of people said to me they understood the cost of weddings and they were happy to be invited to the party element.

Once the venue is easy to get to and not hours away or something it’s fine

we did this just had parents siblings and aunties and uncles at the main bit
150 in evening (friends and cousins) for the party we had a great dj and it was really fun and went to 4am

the aunties and uncles were gone early and then the younger crew took over !

venue was city centre so easy for most guests

Surely it’s worse not to be invited at all.

We couldn’t invite everyone we wanted to as the largest room at the registry office only held 50 people so there was no way around it. Those invites went to close family and friends and anyone who was travelling. Workmates and more distant friends were invited to the evening only.

Ive only ever been to weddings where you have both a daytime and evening list, including my own! Seems completely reasonable to me. I just wouldn’t expect any presents from those coming in the evening. It’s your day, do what you want!

How ridiculous.

Why should someone have a cheaper wedding, probably at a venue they don’t want, just so they can afford to have a load of people attend who they’re not that bothered about?

It used to be perfectly normal to have two tier weddings - close family and closest friends for the sit down meal and other mates/work colleagues/more distant family members for an evening party.

At the end of the day, people can turn down the invitation if they don’t want to come. I quite happy to get evening invitations.

So I’d be expected to give a present but only good enough for the evening? Yup I’d be insulted. Much more than if I wasn’t asked at all.

I meant much better if I wasn’t asked at all.

I don't know what planet some of you are on. Evening only guests are definitely a thing and have been for decades!

For my wedding next year, we will be inviting close friends and family only during the day. Our other friends will be invited to the evening party, with buffet. There will not be welcome drinks in the evening because we simply can't afford it. The last evening do I went to did not have welcome drinks either.

Edit - we're not asking for or expecting presents from any of our guests

Evening only guests are completely normal and acceptable, don’t listen to anyone telling you otherwise. The only time it’s not acceptable is if your wedding is miles away from home and you’re expecting them to travel hours or stay in a hotel for a few hours worth of partying.

No one should be getting offended, I’ve been invited to an evening only reception for a work colleague, completely fine with it, never in a million years would I expect a full day invite.

I had immediate family only at the ceremony, due to the size of the room in the venue and everyone else was invited to the evening do.
Some people chose not to come, but that was partly because I booked the ceremony six months before we got married! Plus it was August so many people were on holiday themselves. Also 3 other colleagues got married within the same week as my date (we worked in a school) and I was last to book.
I had a lovely day and don't regret it at all

I think it's perfectly ok as long as the guests are local. Maybe it depends where and when you were brought up but in my experience it's always been the norm to invite family and close friends for the whole day (though with older relatives often going home fairly early in the evening) and for less close friends, work colleagues, neighbours etc to join in the evening.
However, I think perhaps it's become more of an issue as it has become commoner not to get married in the community where you either grew up or now live. If you're getting married in an hotel in the middle of nowhere people may well be prepared to travel a long distance and stay overnight if they're invited to the whole day but not if it's just for a few hours in the evening. So I do think couples need to be prepared for people to decline if that's the case.
But the OP is basically inviting local people to a party. I don't see why anyone would be offended by that. I've been invited to the evening reception at colleagues' weddings and more recently to a couple friends' children's weddings. I'm delighted to be considered important enough to them to be invited to share in any aspect of the day, not offended that I'm not significant enough to be invited to the full day.

I presume the people who’d be upset/offended by an evening only invite would turn down an invitation to a ‘normal’ party

It’s completely normal to invite some people to the full day and some to the evening.

completely normal and not rude at all

It’s just requests from parents / family who they would like etc

In that case I see no problem with it - after all "evening only" invitations are common enough - but do be prepared for them to assume they've only really been invited for the sake of extra gifts

I absolutely don’t think it’s a thing to get an evening invite, I’ve only heard of it being one on mumsnet. In real life everyone I know thinks of an evening invite as understanding you aren’t in the bride and grooms top 40 or whatever but they would like to have you there to celebrate with them.

I think it's fine - we had evening guests nearly 40 years ago. But they were friends, neighbours. I think you can't eg invite some cousins and not others to the meal. You should set a rule about relationship to yourself and your partner and stick to it.

I did some cousins all day/some just for the evening. Mind you I have 29 first cousins and my DH has only one he’s never met.

I’m really close to some of my cousins but not so much with others. We get on well when we see each other but I don’t see a problem with only inviting them to the evening

I absolutely do not think it's offensive. I think it's even more ok due to how small your ceremony etc is.

Honestly the people who get the hump about evening only invites are very tiresome. Instead of feeling good that people wanted them to be part of their day, they moan about not being invited to the whole day.

I love an evening only. I love weddings but the whole day can be very long.

Nothing wrong with it op.
I have attended numerous weddings over the past 40 years as an evening guest only. I sort of expect it if I am not a close relative. I’d rather be invited to just the evening do rather than not at all.

As long as you’re clear they are being invited to evening only, they can choose whether to come or not. I went to a colleague’s evening do and loved it, but declined an evening only invitation to a friend’s wedding.
I also think people should invite who they want to invite. We had parents telling us we absolutely must invite various distant relatives. We ignored them.

Evening invites are common in the UK regardless of peoples thoughts about them.

Your situation sounds fine - guests are local and sounds like people will be well hosted.

Evening invites aren't unusual in the UK, however I would tend to politely decline - I'm not a fan of weddings in general, and would only really make the effort if I'm close enough to be invited to the whole day. That might sound harsh to some though.

I never see people in real life react to evening invitations in the way MNers do. They either go and enjoy themselves, or they politely decline because it’s too far, they have other commitments etc… and the world keeps turning either way.

I don’t get the sneering over “B list” guests either. Okay, it would be upsetting if someone I thought was my best friend only invited me to the evening, but that must be pretty rare. Most of the time adults can accept that some friendships and family relationships are closer than others, but that it doesn’t mean people don’t care.

I think it’s fine if they live nearby (as in a taxi would be less than £20 each way) and they aren’t really expecting to be invited, things like parents’ friends. It would be awkward if they were expecting a full invitation.