For disagreeing with friends on my approach to DCs food?

[CunningPlanMaster]

We have 2 DCs who are 3 and 5. I have perhaps a skewed view of food as I’m quite a picky eater.

When I grew up we had table rules of eating everything on your plate before getting up which meant I would sometimes force myself to eat things I didn’t like and often feel sick-I now avoid a lot of these foods.

Because of this, i absolutely don’t force my children to eat everything. We have the usual toddler preferences for beige but, especially during school holidays I try to encourage variety.

My rule is this: you have to try everything on your plate (and I might give you something you’ve tried before that you’ve said you don’t like). But you don’t have to eat everything. And if you don’t like the dish, you have two options: porridge or weetabix.

Last week my 5 year old had two nights of rejecting the food and having weetabix or porridge. But he also had Thai fried rice, a veg curry, the usual easy jacket potato, chicken wing bbq and a cod dish. I think having a couple of evenings of weetabix in amongst that isn’t too bad? And he’s tried some new foods he enjoyed.

I have two friends with similar aged children. They disagree with my approach, but equally have differing views. One thinks I shouldn’t let my kids ‘try’ and then ‘reject’ healthy foods and they should be encouraged to eat it all.

The other thinks that only offering weetabix or porridge as alternatives is cruel and if I’m going to give them ‘exotic’ (her words) food, I should then make them something more conventional as a ‘safe’ option instead.

Unless Mumsnet overwhelming says otherwise, I don’t think my approach is wrong (but I’m probably over sensitive due to my own issues)? But the conversation got quite heated and we agreed to disagree!

I think your alternative foods are a bit lazy but it won’t kill anyone.

I don't offer fix alternative to DC. They have a choice to eat the food we have or go hungry unfortunately.

I think your approach sounds great. Personally I'd do something like peanut butter toast or cheese and crackers with maybe some fruit/veggies just because my kids both do a lot of sports so need a lot of protein but we basically did and do the same thing - we accommodate a few true dislikes (my daughter won't touch creamy food and my son hates Brussel sprouts for example), but otherwise they can try anything and then get themselves something easy instead (they're 9/12 now but we've done this for years).

We are the same as you. If they don't want to eat what the meal offered is, then they have toast or cereal (plus fruit is always available) x

Edited to add - I always encourage them to try it though!!

It's actually the most healthy way to approach this, and was recommended by a nutritionist on a programme I watched some years ago. It takes the battle out of mealtimes and guards against developing disordered feelings about food.

Although their approach was beans on toast or a cheese sandwich, IIRC. The specifics don't matter so much as long as they're healthy, nutritious options and absolutely firm on only ever offering those two options (so it doesn't become too interesting).

My only caveat is that it would probably be better if you could somehow incorporate some protein. But as long as they're getting plenty of protein in other meals that day it shouldn't really be an issue, and you're exactly right - two or three times in a week will not be detrimental to their health.

You’re not wrong. Being forced to eat food is a way to eating disorders. You wouldn’t force an adult to eat something they didn’t like.

Having been forced to eat food that had gone off, mine never have to eat anything they don't like. Toast was my alternative. Cereal is good too. They were allowed to stop eating when they were full too, and praised for it.

I've always done very similar to you. The alternative changed over the years (Weetabix wouldn't work atm ad the youngest would choose it over anything else for every meal as they love it!) but we've always done 'try it and if you don't like it have the alternative'.

We also do self serve for as many bits of the meal as possible which has been a help.

Tbh if i was looking after someone's child for them and they sent a text like that id be suggesting they send a packed lunch, and if they were repeatedly that rude another babysitter!

Your way is fine. Sensible.

Thanks for all the replies. To answer a couple of questions: they are both amazing meat eaters and the protein is usually the first thing to be eaten so I don’t worry so much about ‘protein heavy’ foods as an alternative.

I did try toast w/peanut butter or fruit as alternatives but found this didn’t fill them up and they then wanted more. Whereas a good bowl of weetabix/porridge with whole milk and some berries seemed to fill them up without any more moaning!!

Absolutely if I got to a situation where they opted more for the alternatives than the main meals, I’d add more variety in. But they mostly have enough of something on the plate that means they don’t need anything else.

To the poster who labelled my alternatives as ‘lazy’, I mean, yeah-I guess that’s the point? I’ve just made a big (usually fresh) dinner for us all so I’m not going to put together another meal. They like the alternatives on offer and will eat them, but they’re bland enough that they don’t see it as a ‘treat’ or ‘reward’ as such.

And I’ve definitely learnt my lesson on discussing this with mum friends (to reiterate, I was asked-I didn’t bring this up!)-I’ve now got a text from same mum asking me what I’m planning for dinners when I have all the kids. This is the same mum who labelled my meals as ‘exotic’ so I think she’s worried now! What have I started!!