For disagreeing with friends on my approach to DCs food?

[CunningPlanMaster]

We have 2 DCs who are 3 and 5. I have perhaps a skewed view of food as I’m quite a picky eater.

When I grew up we had table rules of eating everything on your plate before getting up which meant I would sometimes force myself to eat things I didn’t like and often feel sick-I now avoid a lot of these foods.

Because of this, i absolutely don’t force my children to eat everything. We have the usual toddler preferences for beige but, especially during school holidays I try to encourage variety.

My rule is this: you have to try everything on your plate (and I might give you something you’ve tried before that you’ve said you don’t like). But you don’t have to eat everything. And if you don’t like the dish, you have two options: porridge or weetabix.

Last week my 5 year old had two nights of rejecting the food and having weetabix or porridge. But he also had Thai fried rice, a veg curry, the usual easy jacket potato, chicken wing bbq and a cod dish. I think having a couple of evenings of weetabix in amongst that isn’t too bad? And he’s tried some new foods he enjoyed.

I have two friends with similar aged children. They disagree with my approach, but equally have differing views. One thinks I shouldn’t let my kids ‘try’ and then ‘reject’ healthy foods and they should be encouraged to eat it all.

The other thinks that only offering weetabix or porridge as alternatives is cruel and if I’m going to give them ‘exotic’ (her words) food, I should then make them something more conventional as a ‘safe’ option instead.

Unless Mumsnet overwhelming says otherwise, I don’t think my approach is wrong (but I’m probably over sensitive due to my own issues)? But the conversation got quite heated and we agreed to disagree!

I do similar to my v picky 6yo. But with the difference that the weetabix is an optional "supper" that she can have after her bath. So not obviously "instead" of eating tea but obviously she doesn't want it if she's eaten a lot of tea.

Both me and DH were picky and grew out of it in teenage years.

Sounds fine to me!

Honestly, the only advice I'd have is to avoid such discussions. Someone invariably ends up feeling judged and ultimately all are doing what they think is best for them and their family. Crack on with what suits you and your kids and leave them to it.

Sounds fine to me. I do similar to you. Only thing I do differently is if they reject they have to wait 2 hours for "supper" before bed where I offer them similar thing like weetabix or plain cereal. I try and make sure they haven't snacked too much so they are hungry before dinner and tend to eat better.

All you can do is offer, you sound like you're doing a great job.

We don't really offer alternatives, but we do a lot of deconstructed meals where they eat some (safe) parts. For example today we had burritos and from that the DC had tortillas, grated cheese, sour cream and chopped up vegetables. We also don't always make them taste everything every time: it's more periodically as it can be a bit of a battle if there is stressful stuff (like going back to school) or if someone is tired.

I think your approach is excellent!

I didn’t offer alternatives, my very fussy toddler eventually by teenage years ate fairly widely - if I’d offered beige she would still be limited. She wouldn’t eat cereal so that wasn’t an option!

We have similar approach to yours, you don’t have to eat everything but you have to give it a try, if you genuinely try and don’t like it then you can have option B because I’ll never send my child to bed hungry. We are all different, we all have different tastes- if you try and don’t like something then that’s fine.

Op I was raised like you. My dad force fed me a stone cold fried egg once and after that my gps refused to spend any time with him.

op my approach is like yours. Now they are older I put more weight on them eating the veg if they don’t like the other thing and they are both fine with that.
I’ve never made them clear their plates. Dd1 was a pain with food once but she clears her plate in principle now she’s a teen though she doesn’t need to.

dd2 probably has coeliac disease and we are getting a retest. I have to be so careful with her or she’s off school for a week.

As long as they properly try it and not just lick it/nibble a crumb then I think your way is fine. As a mum with 2 DC with eating issues due to SEN the dietician actually recommends your method, try it and if they don't like it, no big deal here's the alternative we agreed upon. You are also right to get them to keep trying foods they have previously rejected

Everything you said sounds like a great attitude. Encouraging and supportive while avoiding unnecessary battles. They’re eating a good variety and trying things - I don’t know what else you can possible do! 😂 Everyone does what works for them. Keep up the good work ☺️

Sounds fine to me. Probably similar to what we did. Except, like another poster, we probably always had one element of the meal (eg plain rice) that they would eat, so didnt really offer even very simple alternatives.

We have an almost identical approach to you and this works really well for us.

They are your children ignore what others say. But I do agree with you, i have a very similar approach with mine, They are young, their tastes will change when they are ready. Keep up your way.

I love this approach of yours, OP - I’m from the same ‘clear your plate, there’s kids starving that would kill for the food you get’ kind of upbringing.

People will always judge or disagree but I think you’ll be just fine sticking with your gut instinct on this.

Also, your food isn’t ‘exotic’. It’s just a wide, varied diet that sounds lush!

Nothing wrong with your way. I did the same with my children.

Your way is fab.

, the only wrong one is the friend who would force them to eat, everything else is just opinion.
my 8 year old lives off of nuggets and ham sandwiches otherwise he'd starve so your doing better than me

I think this is a brilliant approach!!

It's fine. Just don't engage with other mothers on the topic of food - road to disaster!

Don't tell other people, however close they are as friends, about how you parent or what your food rules are. People are so weird about it.

You sound like you're doing a great job, especially with your own past story.

Just shrug and say each to their own. However, if you're actively bringing it up with friends, I guess expect their opinions as that's human nature.

Your way sounds the most balanced and normal. Anyone forcing their kids to clear their plate in 2025 is just thick and cruel at this point. In 1970 people didn’t know any better, but now we have research evidence to tell us how harmful this kind of thing is, we must do better, we really must.

I’m Team #CunningPlan. It’s basically what I do for my DC though so, I would say it’s great. 😅

OP your approach is very similar to the one I used and I now have two very unfussy teens who eat a huge variety of foods.

Despite my MIL’s horror, I never stopped serving any food if they told me they didn’t like it, but I also would never force them to eat it either. Invariably after some months their “dislike” of it would pass.

They still have preferences, but I can serve literally any meal up to them and get no complaints.

Something dull and basic staple and staying too everyone else has finished is our approach too. Or seconds of something else that’s part of that meal.