Son back from uni

[Mistersister1]

my youngest son is returning home from uni very soon. I’ve told him I won’t be doing his washing for him and he’s not taking it too well! He’s looked after himself for three years and I don\t see why that can’t continue? I don’t do my eldest son’s washing after he came back home a year ago. AIBU?

How does that work in the summer holidays? My teens have their favourite clothes ie a hoodie or pair of Trunks trousers that they like to wear more than once a week!

The idea of living separately from my children ie separate laundry at any age of under my roof is… well not how my family operates

equally, the idea of my unemployed adult son basically kicking up a fuss IF I asked him to do his own laundry is also not how my family operates and I’d be depressed if it did!

On the couple of occasions DS lived back at home after finishing university and then his Masters he just fitted back in.
He’s always been very easy to live with so I guess I’m very lucky.

Act now. Set the rules. He's trying it on. You are not is maid, chef, cleaner.
Golden Rule...
If you want the privileges of an adult then you accept the responsibilities of being an adult..
Look after your own needs... washing, cleaning own room and clear away after using kitchen, cook own meals or contribute to family rota, pay rent- even if you save it up for him, get employment as a priority, act respectively in house.

If this is beyond his capabilities then say that the homehotel is closed

@Laxoverholsthey usually end up putting a wash on when they realise they’re running out of clothes. They have more than 7 pairs of socks and underwear so it’s often a fairly full load.
And like I said, it’s important for me as it’s less work so I’m not going to stress about whether they could fit in more or not.
Most people go on about doing a wash load a day, we average less than that.

How old are they?

@Laxoverhols3 teenagers. They learned to put their clothes away from when they were very young and then started to do their own clothes washing from yr8.
I don’t think it takes away from being a part of a family. It frees up time for me so I can do other things and dc will help each other out by bringing someone’s washing in if it starts to rain and they’re not in, or I’ll do it.
It’s not that divided.

Yes - and that’s why I did the same with DS1 two years ago. I knew he just wouldn’t get round to doing his share of joint tasks - so he did his own laundry with no complaints and cooked once a week for us all. He did two loads including his bedding. His towels went in with the rest. That worked fine for us.

Why on earth is your DS expecting you to do his laundry?

You don’t need to tell him what to do, though - just don’t do his laundry! Make sure there’s a basket/bag/ hamper in his room. If he puts his clothes in your laundry bin put them back in his room. He’ll soon get the message when he has no clothes. And if he takes his brother’s, therefore showing a total lack of respect for his DB, he moves out.

I have two adult children that have moved back. I do the washing for all of us because it is more economical. But they keep their bedrooms/bathroom clean and tidy plus they put my food shop away and a couple of times a week prep a dinner in the slow cooker. I’m happy with this setup.

I disagree with those who say each person shouldn’t be responsible for their own washing. My DP, DS19, DSS18 all do their own laundry and have done for the past 2 years. The teenagers each cook tea one night a week and DP and I share the rest out. Whoever doesn’t cook is responsible for washing up, wiping the sides down and emptying the bins. The teenagers are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy. I think it’s important that everyone does their fair share and particularly it’s important for my son and stepson to know that these roles arn’t ‘womens’ roles.

Me and dh just do it all as it’s easier for us that way.

It has to work for us at the end of the day. We have one dirty washing basket in the bathroom, it gets put in the washing machine, then dryer every morning. I sort it out and put it in their rooms. It really doesn’t take long and I’m at home all day anyway. (I have never separated colours and we’ve never had an iron in this house and the world keeps turning 😆)

We clean up as we go along, we’ve never had the need for anyone to chip in, we don’t ever do big cleans as we sort stuff immediately so it doesn’t build up. I’m not leaving a mess as it’s so and so’s turn to chip in with the dusting that day. It’s not something I think about anyway.

How adversarial! What a welcome!

I’ve two DS who’ve both recently come home after living away. My DH has this policy that they pay 10% of what they earn towards the household. Not sure where DH got this theory from. Eldest DS earns twice as much as the younger but I don’t feel like he necessarily uses anything more than the younger one does. However, it seems unfair for him to pay the same ratio for his ‘keep’ AIBU?

Anyone?

10% of what they earn is by no means unreasonable Op regardless of what they earn.
They need to see that adults pay their own way

Agreed, thank you

I think a set percentage is the fairest way. Otherwise, if you charged them both £250, if might be a stretch for one, and nothing to the other. That would cause more resentment.

Just over a year ago DS returned home after living away. He brought with him his house cat. I wasn’t a lover of cats and didn’t know much about them. After 6 months of her living with us I developed a small rash at the top of my leg which bothered me then seemed to disappear. However, in the summer months it came back with a vengeance. It got larger and worse and more itchy etc. I had it a couple of months before I investigated what it was. In the meantime my younger son also returned to live with us. One morning I took a photo of my rash and asked GPT what it was. It said I had ringworm. Told youngest son but he’d already started using our towels by this time. He then went to the hairdressers to be told he had ringworm on his face. I wasn’t absolutely mortified! I sent a photo to the doctor and got some cream for it. It is clearing but is taking awhile. My son is using the cream also on his face and it is staining his skin. My eldest son, seems more concerned for his cat than any of the family members. He’s concerned she may catch ring worm off us, so I’ve noticed she does lick and groom herself an awful lot and wonder if she has it. Should I offer to pay for him to take her to a vet (he hasn’t registered her with a one yet!) and find out for sure?

Should read WAS absolutely mortified !

I live in an apartment building that has communal laundry facilities. Theres one washer and one dryer shared between two households.

It works fine - if you schlep your basket downstairs and find the machine is in use, you leave it there and try again later. If you find someone else's wet clothes sitting in the washer, you take them out and leave them on top of it. If you find someone else's laundry in the dryer, you wait, or if it's dry and the machine has stopped, you take it out and pile it on top.

My adult DCs who came home after university did their own laundry. There is no need to separate colours, darks, whites - they would head downstairs with their own basket when it was full, toss it all in, and see the process through from start to finish. If they had anything that needed to line dry, they knew their own clothes and could avoid putting it in the dryer.

If your cat gets ringworm her fur will fall-out in circles where the rash occurs.