To think feminism has started excusing bad behaviour in women the way patriarchy used to excuse men?

[WryCoralCritic]

It used to be “boys will be boys.” Now I hear “she’s just setting boundaries” or “she’s living her truth” as excuses for poor behaviour. AIBU to think we’ve swapped one blind spot for another?

I'm not sure if I'd put it down to 'feminism' but there is an element of women always being seen as 'victims' and the menopause/PMT/'peri' and so on are excuses for everything. To me it's an updated version of 'It's your hormones, dear'. Which is why I wouldn't call this sort of behaviour 'feminist'.

I don't think even the OP knows exactly what point she's trying to prove.

There is no harm in having reasonable boundaries, there is an invisible line, that is often used as an excuse for poor behaviour.

My neighbour, since died, declared herself to be a very honest person the day we moved in, she was extremely rude, she thought she had a right to voice her ignorant opinions against everyone and ask very personal questions, she was just being direct. 😒

It's the other way around all the time, have you been on the Internet at all?

If misogyny disappeared tomorrow, there wouldn't be any 'misandry' in the world.

If 'misandry' disappeared tomorrow misogyny would still be rife.

(I don't actually believe misandry is a thing, it's simply women reacting to misogyny and men needing a name for it so they can victimise themselves and "but men....." when women bring up misogyny)

She?

I'm sorry but I think you are being ridiculous to assume there is some sort of clear, objective difference between 'real boundaries' and 'selfish and cruel' ones. Sure, there are probably extreme examples that are easy to categorise one way or another, but it's usually a matter of opinion. One person's 'woman distancing herself from an emotionally abusive parent / partner / friend for the sake of protecting her own wellbeing' is another person's 'selfish, entitled, narcissistic disloyal daughter / partner / friend'. One person's 'woman rightly trying to have the best of all worlds by balancing her responsibilities as a mum with ambition and passion for her career' is another person's 'neglectful, career-obsessed mother who's never there for her kids'. Etc etc.

Any sort of self-assertion and boundary-setting in this world, whether from a man or from a woman, has the potential to disappoint and threaten the interests of others. Women are just more likely to be expected to make sacrifices for the good of family / community / colleagues / 'the peace'.

Your original post is just so vague. I do actually sort of agree with you that feminism can be used to justify some pretty rubbish behaviour (please see also therapy / wellness language, talk of self-actualisation and self-expression, and individualism more broadly in our society). There has always been a tension between strands of feminism that promote women's freedom to do whatever they want and strands of feminism that expect women to make sacrifices for one another / campaign for collective good / examine critically the ways in which the things they 'want' might themselves be conditioned by patriarchy. On the other hand, I don't think I've ever heard a woman in real life use feminist language to justify shit behaviour. I've heard lots of men in real life use some version of 'that's just how men / boys are wired' to justify shit behaviour.

You’re being too vague.

Rude behaviour can be up for debate.

For example there was a post recently where a woman was asked to babysit a friend’s toddler for 4 days so she could go on a business trip. The woman works and lives with her young adult children on a house that isn’t baby proofed. She said no and the person who asked posted a passive aggressive meme on Instagram complaining about people who aren’t there for you. She thinks OP was rude to say no and should have taken time off work to look after the child.

I’m not saying that all women are angels and never rude but the bar is very different for women because people are more used to women who people please and say yes when they don’t want to do something.

The thing is, what’s often rude for a woman to do, is just being assertive for a man.

What is crysta clear, is that very few people take the time to find out what Feminism actually is before deciding it's the reason for anything mildly disagreeable that a female does.

Feminism centres women and girls. Porn does not. It's a woman's individual choice and may even be beneficial to her as an individual but no, not feminist as it harm's the perception of women and girls as it sexual uses them & presents them as a consumable product.
Individuals setting boundaries - yes, feminism does allow women to centre themselves instead of bowing to men's wants & needs (see financial independence/ contraception) but its an individual choice to be an arse on Nans 70th because you don't like the restaurant.

Its so sad seeing this rubbish reposted and people clapping along when it's just nonsense.

Nobody has really given any examples of what is supposedly rude and selfish but excused by feminism. What we have got is people calling women

Attention seeking
Embarrassing
Arrogant
Narcissistic
Self-obsessed

For behaving in a way they personally don't behave, or don't like. Which says everything.

Good point. I assume MN = mostly women but you're probably right.

I went to work, did a full shift, come home again and still no example of someone being rude while claiming they are just holding their boundaries. Actually the guy i told to fuck off probably thinks I was rude but in real terms he was harassing me and refusing to take no for an answer.

I think its more accurate to say that feminists are unlikely to sit there passively while other women are attacked for their choices and behaviour. Especially where there's important context to be considered, where the attack is exaggerated, a generalisation based on stereotypes, coming from a place of sexism or misogyny, or where its being used as whataboutery to divert attention from male bad behaviour. Unfortunately attacks of this nature on women happen very frequently, so feminists tend to have to do a lot of explaining, challenging and correcting.

I think OP is actually the outraged old man mentioned by another poster who declined his request to share a table in a cafe full of empty tables.

I assumed she was the woman wanting four days free childcare and expecting another women to take four days of annual leave.

I think people generally dislike feminists. I was told, for example (by a woman) that a woman who chooses to walk herself down the aisle "is a narc."

You still haven’t given any concrete examples. I wonder why. It can’t be that hard since you must encounter it a lot to make you start a thread about it.