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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Foodbank - 3 cars

503 replies

TalkToTheHand123 · 17/08/2025 00:11

Am I being unreasonable to think a family with 2 cars and a big fancy house shouldn't be using foodbanks regularly? No disability issues.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
LadyKenya · 17/08/2025 09:06

MaidOfSteel · 17/08/2025 09:01

Well, we don’t know their circumstances. But I don’t like the thought of people with enough money taking resources from those who are desperate.

🤔

Sadcafe · 17/08/2025 09:07

It does depend on the type of food bank, we have two run by the same charity, one is a food bank as many visualise where the people have a referral, the other sells donated products from local supermarkets/ shops which are often but not always , near sell by date. We occasionally use the latter simply because it makes financial sense, plus the charity uses the profit it makes from it to fund other activities

Cat3059 · 17/08/2025 09:09

There are always going to be people who abuse any system, that doesn't mean there shouldn't be a system.

I disagree with others though on that these people are clearly living well beyond their means in one way or another. They need to look for proper long term solutions not rely on a foodbank indefinitely.

Soonenough · 17/08/2025 09:13

Perhaps they are doing a pickup for others that can't get there themselves. I collect medical supplies for a neighbour in my car.

DeafLeppard · 17/08/2025 09:14

steff13 · 17/08/2025 02:44

As I have mentioned on other threads my job is Administrative Law Judge. I conduct public assistance appeal hearings for my state. That covers cash assistance Medicaid food stamps and child support. Before I did this job I determined eligibility for public assistance benefits in my local county.

When I was working for my county I had a woman come in who applied for Medicaid, cash assistance, and food stamps. Her husband had been a very high earner but because of some personal circumstances had been unable to work and eventually had had to resign. She was a stay-at-home mother and had been for about 12 years. They had eight children. They lived in a very expensive house in a very expensive area. They had lived in that house for nearly 20 years. The entire time that they'd been married.

They of course were eligible for all of the assistance that was available because they didn't have any income. Everyone dGwho is eligible for food stamps is eligible for a program called the workforce investment act. Workforce investment act will pay for you to go to school to learn a high demand job in your state. So the available training differs from state to state. But she realized even though her husband had applied for Social Security disability that it can take sometimes years for that eligibility to be determined so she decided to use the workforce investment act to become a nurse.

They used the cash assistance that they received to pay the mortgage on their house and got assistance to pay their utilities. Utility companies here have something called a percentage of income payment program so you pay a percentage of your income and because their income was really low, they didn't pay anything.

Her husband stayed home and took care of the kids who were little enough that needed care. She went to school. And for 2 years they got assistance from us.

Then his social security got approved. Social Security disability is based on how much you earned when you were working and how much you paid in social security taxes. So his benefit was pretty high. Because he had minor children, each of those children could draw an amount that was a percentage of his benefit. All told, their social security was several thousand dollars a month.

She graduated from nursing school a couple of months after their social security started and they no longer needed public assistance because of the Social Security and then her nursing job.

But they chose not to sell their house because they worked to get back on their feet and I think that was the right choice for them. I know lots of stories like that although this is the most dramatic one. But I just don't know other people's circumstances and what might be the best option.

This is a UK based site, with predominantly UK posters. The USA is not really relevant here.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/08/2025 09:17

ForFunWriter · 17/08/2025 01:06

Correct they shouldn’t be.

their living expenses are already inflated so let’s hope they can get out asap.

are they being entitled or are entitled? Most food banks have referral systems.

Show quote history

‘Get out asap’ of what ? Surely you’re not suggesting they sell their house ? Unless you’re in dire financial straits that would be a last resort for most people. They could be experiencing any combination of a number of circumstances and if they’re using an official food bank they will have even referred, so someone thinks they qualify. If it’s a community food pantry then everyone can use them can’t they ?

Sadieautumn · 17/08/2025 09:19

You should know the answer to that OP as you obviously know their circumstances so well.

Either that or invest in a pair of "see the bigger picture" glasses to help you view beyond what you see on the surface.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/08/2025 09:20

Cat3059 · 17/08/2025 09:09

There are always going to be people who abuse any system, that doesn't mean there shouldn't be a system.

I disagree with others though on that these people are clearly living well beyond their means in one way or another. They need to look for proper long term solutions not rely on a foodbank indefinitely.

Define ‘beyond their means’ ? This could well be a temporary situation and beyond their control. If it’s a referral foo bank then someone clearly thinks they’re in need.

WasThatACorner · 17/08/2025 09:21

Octonaut4Life · 17/08/2025 04:41

Also how exactly do you know there are "no disability issues"? DH has a chronic condition that can be really disabling, you'd never know it to look at him and plenty of acquaintances aren't aware, so unless you know these people really well - how do you know?

This.

Most people don't know that I'm disabled because they only see me on good days when I've prepared to do something and am taking it slowly / trying to manage the pain. If my neighbours see me on crutches going to the car they will ask what has happened. Every time. It's been years.

IsItSnowing · 17/08/2025 09:22

I would prefer not to judge them.
It must be hard enough having to go to a food bank in order to feed your family without knowing that people might be judging your worthyness.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/08/2025 09:25

Jaws2025 · 17/08/2025 09:04

Agree. Hear hooves think horses not zebras.

Show quote history

Even CFs would have to be assessed by a professional to be referred to a food bank.

Digdongdoo · 17/08/2025 09:26

I don't know about you, but I couldn't feed myself with mortgage debt or car finance contracts...
OP how do you know how many cars this family has, or that they are using the foodbank, or that none of them has a disability?

Rosscameasdoody · 17/08/2025 09:27

FortheloveofCheesus · 17/08/2025 06:17

I stopped donating to our local foodbank. They advertise themselves as requiring referrals but my friend volunteers with them and said in reality, they won't actually ever turn anyone away. They have a lot of regular users and know it - some are people who fall through cracks in benefit system etc but she said they know a lot are substance users and they are aware of some piss takers who have other money.

Aside from the piss takers, why would the circumstances of the others stop you from donating.

Doggymummar · 17/08/2025 09:31

I did sometimes think this when I see the influences o. FB and Insta with the too good to go bags. But then I remember that the food would be thrown away, and if they tell someone who doesn't know about them of their existence its a good thing. So I think it depends what sore of cheater food scheme it is.

MickGeorge22 · 17/08/2025 09:33

We have a single older lady who takes food parcels from our charity. We did a benefit check for her and she has £500 a week coming in and no housing costs. We don't really have any criteria except people saying they are in need.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 17/08/2025 09:35

solando · 17/08/2025 01:08

I didn’t think they ask what size your house is or how many cars you have I think anyone can use one

It depends, as some you need a referral for and others you can just turn up. Depends on the food bank.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/08/2025 09:37

Hohumhuee · 17/08/2025 01:08

YANBU, food banks should be the bottom of the barrel for people with no other option rather than an excuse for poor budgeting.

You have no idea of their circumstances.

GypsyQueeen · 17/08/2025 09:38

Rosscameasdoody · 17/08/2025 09:25

Even CFs would have to be assessed by a professional to be referred to a food bank.

Show quote history

Some do accept a number of self referrals.

MovingOn2025 · 17/08/2025 09:39

THEDEACON · 17/08/2025 00:59

YABU Mind your own business

Exactly

Katherina198819 · 17/08/2025 09:39

I’m shocked by these answers. If someone owns a fancy house and two or three cars yet is lining up at a food bank, they’re clearly living beyond their means.

If you can’t afford food, sell a damn car. No family needs more than one in Europe, with good public transport.

It’s ridiculous that some people would rather take food from those truly in need than downsize or stop wasting money on luxuries. Mismanaging your cash and buying stuff you don’t need instead of food is shameful.
Even if you lose your job or hit hard times, use your savings or sell your extra car. Don’t leech off people who don’t have these luxuries.

And to those who say “mind your own business”: as someone who works insanely hard, has never claimed benefits, and pays a fortune in taxes, yes, it is my business.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 17/08/2025 09:47

Katherina198819 · 17/08/2025 09:39

I’m shocked by these answers. If someone owns a fancy house and two or three cars yet is lining up at a food bank, they’re clearly living beyond their means.

If you can’t afford food, sell a damn car. No family needs more than one in Europe, with good public transport.

It’s ridiculous that some people would rather take food from those truly in need than downsize or stop wasting money on luxuries. Mismanaging your cash and buying stuff you don’t need instead of food is shameful.
Even if you lose your job or hit hard times, use your savings or sell your extra car. Don’t leech off people who don’t have these luxuries.

And to those who say “mind your own business”: as someone who works insanely hard, has never claimed benefits, and pays a fortune in taxes, yes, it is my business.

If you can’t afford food, sell a damn car. No family needs more than one in Europe, with good public transport

I don't drive, but even I know it's not that simple - you can't always just "sell a damn car", it depends on your circumstances! Ever heard of shift work? One or both people could work shift hours and need their own cars. Or some places public transport is practically non existent, especially if you live out in the countryside. One bus a day each way there and back if you're lucky.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 17/08/2025 09:51

Hmm

Didn't think this one would be back.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 17/08/2025 09:53

Soonenough · 17/08/2025 09:13

Perhaps they are doing a pickup for others that can't get there themselves. I collect medical supplies for a neighbour in my car.

Ha, bet there's lots of Mrs Mangel's twitching away behind their curtains at you. 😁 shows age
"Look, Trevor! It's that Jane again. Second time this week she's been! In her CAR, as well."

Annielou67 · 17/08/2025 09:55

As previously mentioned food banks are usually only accessed by referral and are for those in dire need. There are other types of cheap/ free food distribution which don’t have ‘need’ as a criteria. Near us, we have food clubs, which are for everyone and use waste/ on ‘use by’ food from supermarkets and farms. They might charge £3 for a bag of food. They are used by anyone who becomes a member and do not specify need. Waste food needs to be used, and many people will use those clubs, regardless of personal wealth. Dependent on area, some of this waste food still gets binned.
Each food group/ club sets its own rules, dependent on their priorities.

Annielou67 · 17/08/2025 09:55

As previously mentioned food banks are usually only accessed by referral and are for those in dire need. There are other types of cheap/ free food distribution which don’t have ‘need’ as a criteria. Near us, we have food clubs, which are for everyone and use waste/ on ‘use by’ food from supermarkets and farms. They might charge £3 for a bag of food. They are used by anyone who becomes a member and do not specify need. Waste food needs to be used, and many people will use those clubs, regardless of personal wealth. Dependent on area, some of this waste food still gets binned.
Each food group/ club sets its own rules, dependent on their priorities.