Do you need to feel feminine?
You are just a human getting through your days and stresses, challenges of work and parenting best you can, and using the strategies and techniques that work for you, not some archetype of how a woman should be, whether that is floaty charming social goddess, nurturing earth mother, or ball breaking bitch.
What standard of femininity are you trying to live up to? Where does it come from, how and by whom is it measured? And how much will it cost you in time, money and energy to live up to this feminine ideal?
I agree with a lot of the advice here, that self care is important, but think you should use it to focus on growing as a person, developing interests, valuing yourself by mentally and physically looking after yourself dealing with stress and learning parenting techniques so you are less shouty, rather than trying to live up to some stereotypes /feeling your social worth is judged by adherence to them, and throwing your time money and energy into frills and trapping of signalling socially accepted 'femininity'.
It's also worth remembering that however you are feeling now is only a phase of your life, you have been popular, socially confident before, you may well do so again very naturally as situations change, the current issues and stresses reduce , your kids get older and more independent. It's very normal to feel you have lost a bit of yourself /changed beyond recognition during some life stages and stresses, but these too will pass eventually.