Page 2 | I don’t feel feminine…any advice?

Newusername1234567 · 2025-08-16T19:41:22+00:00

i did post in different section few days ago but only got 2 replies so with no shame posting here for traffic🤷🏻♀️ i dont feel feminine for some time and it bothers me. I am not sure how to explain it. Male colleague/friend would see me as a “mate” and not a “female friend” if you know what i mean. I lack that soft, warm side. It hasn’t been always like that but now i feel lost and i dont know how to get it back. I am way too loud, i yell a lot (have two little boys, working on it!), i am very strict and harsh and come across unpleasant, but i am very likeable person and people used to love me and wanted to be around! And now people think i am unapproachable.. What shall i do to change it? How can i get my feminine energy back? Has anyone struggle with similar?

Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 22:44

JustFish · 16/08/2025 22:35

Do you need to feel feminine?
You are just a human getting through your days and stresses, challenges of work and parenting best you can, and using the strategies and techniques that work for you, not some archetype of how a woman should be, whether that is floaty charming social goddess, nurturing earth mother, or ball breaking bitch.

What standard of femininity are you trying to live up to? Where does it come from, how and by whom is it measured? And how much will it cost you in time, money and energy to live up to this feminine ideal?

I agree with a lot of the advice here, that self care is important, but think you should use it to focus on growing as a person, developing interests, valuing yourself by mentally and physically looking after yourself dealing with stress and learning parenting techniques so you are less shouty, rather than trying to live up to some stereotypes /feeling your social worth is judged by adherence to them, and throwing your time money and energy into frills and trapping of signalling socially accepted 'femininity'.

It's also worth remembering that however you are feeling now is only a phase of your life, you have been popular, socially confident before, you may well do so again very naturally as situations change, the current issues and stresses reduce , your kids get older and more independent. It's very normal to feel you have lost a bit of yourself /changed beyond recognition during some life stages and stresses, but these too will pass eventually.

i think i do, for myself, not for anyone else. I just dont feel good with myself and i am looking/searching something i feel a connection to to help me feel better with myself. does it make sense? I might be babbling. I want to get out of that phase because its taking too long. I cant say what exactly i want to achieve yet cause i am looking for that goal to make me feel pleased with myself

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Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 22:45

Peggydragon · 16/08/2025 22:36

It's not 1955 OP, you don't have to have 'feminine energy' whatever the hell that is.

But, being stressed and shouty isn't good for you or those around you. Do you have time for meditation? 10 mins twice a day can make a big difference to calmness - have a look on the Insight Timer app.
And if you can afford more domestic help, that could ease things too. Be kind to yourself, you have a lot on your plate.

Meditation yes! Always wanted to try, just never knew where to start

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usersame · 16/08/2025 22:53

It sounds like you just need some regular me time to re-energise and re-centre yourself.

Probably your batteries burnt out long ago. You need to learn to be kind to yourself, before you can be kind to others.

As others have said, take long baths with candles. If you're a tea or coffee drinker, make your morning one into a ritual. Do some stretches or yoga. Calm down. Crystals can be good - try pink amethyst for feminine energy. Light some candles or incense. Go for walks in nature (I know you have young kids, but anyway). Go out with female friends and laugh. Just anything that makes you feel good basically. Do you ever listen to music or dance?

Mandarinaduck · 16/08/2025 22:55

Observe women who have the voice, energy, behaviours you are looking for and see what you could imitate, what seems natural to you and what doesn't. You could soften your interactions in low-stakes situations outside home and work (like with someone in a shop, on a bus etc). Agree also with the self-care and all of that.

VaseofViolets · 16/08/2025 23:00

Mandarinaduck · 16/08/2025 22:55

Observe women who have the voice, energy, behaviours you are looking for and see what you could imitate, what seems natural to you and what doesn't. You could soften your interactions in low-stakes situations outside home and work (like with someone in a shop, on a bus etc). Agree also with the self-care and all of that.

I do that too… I’m a bit of a thief in that way. Does everyone do this? If I see someone with traits I really admire, or if I see them handle a particular situation really well, I’ll sort of pinch it for myself to try and use next time. It’s not doing it in a phony way - just learning from others how to do things better, handle things more efficiently, etc.

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:05

People will laugh and whatever, but you may need to realign your chakras. Rose quartz or pink amethyst can help you go easy on yourself and others. Purple amethyst is great for self reflection and insight. Citrine works with the solar plexus to bring in the energy snd radiance if the sun. Moonstone, on the other hand, is great for reconnecting with feminine energy. Have a Google about all the various crystals that correspond to the different chakras. Or just see which crystals call to you.

Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:16

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:05

People will laugh and whatever, but you may need to realign your chakras. Rose quartz or pink amethyst can help you go easy on yourself and others. Purple amethyst is great for self reflection and insight. Citrine works with the solar plexus to bring in the energy snd radiance if the sun. Moonstone, on the other hand, is great for reconnecting with feminine energy. Have a Google about all the various crystals that correspond to the different chakras. Or just see which crystals call to you.

Oh not me, i wont! Do you just wear the one you want/need?

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Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:17

VaseofViolets · 16/08/2025 23:00

I do that too… I’m a bit of a thief in that way. Does everyone do this? If I see someone with traits I really admire, or if I see them handle a particular situation really well, I’ll sort of pinch it for myself to try and use next time. It’s not doing it in a phony way - just learning from others how to do things better, handle things more efficiently, etc.

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Do you mind me asking who inspires you?

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Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:17

Mandarinaduck · 16/08/2025 22:55

Observe women who have the voice, energy, behaviours you are looking for and see what you could imitate, what seems natural to you and what doesn't. You could soften your interactions in low-stakes situations outside home and work (like with someone in a shop, on a bus etc). Agree also with the self-care and all of that.

Its a very good advice!

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Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:19

usersame · 16/08/2025 22:53

It sounds like you just need some regular me time to re-energise and re-centre yourself.

Probably your batteries burnt out long ago. You need to learn to be kind to yourself, before you can be kind to others.

As others have said, take long baths with candles. If you're a tea or coffee drinker, make your morning one into a ritual. Do some stretches or yoga. Calm down. Crystals can be good - try pink amethyst for feminine energy. Light some candles or incense. Go for walks in nature (I know you have young kids, but anyway). Go out with female friends and laugh. Just anything that makes you feel good basically. Do you ever listen to music or dance?

Edited

Oh yeah, dance parties and singing , today to a spiderman songs😂 my boy is obessed. But on a serious note, i do listen when i get a chance to drive the car by myself (then i get to put wharever i want), used to love reading books but no time atm

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usersame · 16/08/2025 23:21

Yes, with crystals, you can wear them or just have them on your bedside table or in your bag.

Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:28

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:21

Yes, with crystals, you can wear them or just have them on your bedside table or in your bag.

Are they expensive? Are there “real” or “fake” crystals? You see sometimes them going for like a few pounds, does it matter?🧐

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usersame · 16/08/2025 23:30

I always find water helps me to feel uplifted and connected. Even just the Thames when I'm walking over Hammersmith bridge! If you live near the sea or a river, it's good to just feel the energy of the tides and remember the magnetic pull to the moon. And breathe.., Let the stress wash away with the tides. I also love looking at sunlight on water. Always cheers me up. And it's free!

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:34

You can get chunks of rose quartz quite cheaply on Etsy. Also purple amethyst.

Calcite is another crystal that's quite inexpensive - lemon or orange calcite to energise you, or green (pistachio) or blue (Caribbean calcite) are more calming.

Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 23:34

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:30

I always find water helps me to feel uplifted and connected. Even just the Thames when I'm walking over Hammersmith bridge! If you live near the sea or a river, it's good to just feel the energy of the tides and remember the magnetic pull to the moon. And breathe.., Let the stress wash away with the tides. I also love looking at sunlight on water. Always cheers me up. And it's free!

Yeap, moved out of London 4 years ago but we have river ouse. You are right. There is something in the air when you are near water

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SALaw · 16/08/2025 23:38

Why do you characterise your “issue” as not being feminine enough though? You might shout too much, be seen as unapproachable etc and you want to change that - fine. But it doesn’t make you “unfeminine”. Many women as feisty, many men aren’t. Address it or don’t. But don’t make out like there is some soft, sweet ideal that women should live up to and men avoid.

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:38

It's full on with young kids as they can be so demanding and life just feels 'hard', so you can feel like you just become 'hard' too. But you are still the same person as you were before.

Larose123 · 17/08/2025 13:05

Get yourself makeup lessons and build up a good makeup kit. Try and get to the gym twice a week. Invest in nice clothes that you like yo wear. Get your eyebrows done once a month.

ElCorazon · 17/08/2025 13:16

What does feminine feel like? 🤔
Do you mean no man looks at you? Feeling feminine is just female coded message for receiving male attention.

I don’t think anyone “feels” feminine. You can’t walk around during the day feeling feminine. What does it mean?
In my observation the women who say they feel feminine are usually full of themselves and do anything for male attention. Even the way they walk..that exaggerated sway when they swing their hips. Or even the way they eat, taking little bites and pretending they are not that hungry. I bet they just trample around the house when nobody is watching them and eat like pigs 😆

usedtobeaylis · 17/08/2025 13:21

Newusername1234567 · 16/08/2025 22:07

You are right. I am mainly like this at home, i am very professional outside (work or wherever i go) but still probably just too harsh and abrupt. I know how it sounds but i really dont know how to change it now. I should have said i used to be likeable. I remember myself just attracting people (nothing sexual)

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I think it sounds like a normal reaction to a stressful living situation where your partner is working 12 hour shifts and things seem never ending. Its very easy to lose ourselves when life is like that. First and foremost you need to do something restful for yourself, can you speak to your husband and talk about making a dedicated time every week that you take for yourself? Where he is fully responsible for the children and the home in a way that isn't just piling up more for you to do.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 17/08/2025 13:23

usersame · 16/08/2025 23:34

You can get chunks of rose quartz quite cheaply on Etsy. Also purple amethyst.

Calcite is another crystal that's quite inexpensive - lemon or orange calcite to energise you, or green (pistachio) or blue (Caribbean calcite) are more calming.

Do you not find that the slave labour used in mining the quartz, the habit destruction, and the work-related lung diseases suffered by the quartz miners negatively impacts your feminine energy?

Blondiney · 17/08/2025 13:28

Crystals, croissants and aprons? I must be a man, a very masculine man. 😂

usedtobeaylis · 17/08/2025 13:34

Blondiney · 17/08/2025 13:28

Crystals, croissants and aprons? I must be a man, a very masculine man. 😂

Some very traditional ideas of what is 'feminine' 😬

Original poster

Newusername1234567 · 17/08/2025 13:48

@Blondiney @usedtobeaylis i dont think there is one definition if femininity, its whaatever make YOU feel this way. I like the suggestions, dont have to work for everyone 🫣

in regards to “me” time @usedtobeaylis it is little tricky at the moment but we could try and come up with something

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sophiecygnet · 17/08/2025 14:00

Is there a woman IRL who you admire? If so can you model your self more like her. Not copy because you are different to her.
If not then a character from fiction. The when a situation is coming up at work or home you briefly think: How would Jane or Elizabeth dealt with this. or "How would Jane Austen have written this for me to cope with".