First night away with new boyfriend - should I be wary…

[AnnaJ89]

I went away with my boyfriend of 4 months last night and was a bit taken aback by some of his ‘habits’ let’s say. Prior to this, all has been going great with no red flags.

He booked the night as a treat for me. A few issues:

-He street parked a 15 minute walk away so we struggled along with bags because ‘the hotel had no parking’. Turns out it did have parking, but he felt it was a rip off at £15 a night. I’d have happily chipped in if I knew in advance.

-I went in to the bathroom to get ready and there was thick hairs in the sink. I pointed this out and he said he was grooming ‘down below’ and had forgot to clear it. Eww

-We had a really nice meal in the hotel restaurant. I casually remarked my side was a bit lukewarm but still really tasty. Despite me saying not to, he made an issue of this to the waitress much to my embarrassment.

-He used the loo this morning and left the door wide open , shouting out to me whilst sat there for what felt like 10 minutes.

Would you give the benefit of the doubt or take this as an early warning?

Is that you, op’s scuzzy boyfriend?

What because I raised the very fair point that he might too have a list after spending the night with OP?

It's quite early into a relationship and usually at this stage you're on your best behavior. The gross bits speak volumes to me; what will he do when he is really comfortable around you?

More to the point how much bloody luggage was she taking for a weekend that it weighed her down doing a short walk

I wouldn't pay £15 to park overnight either, I'd definitely be hauling my bag for miles than pay that 😂

All the other stuff are ICK, the way he complained to the waitress and embarrassed you is the red flag. The way someone treats staff in the service industry shows their character.

I wouldn't want to see him again after this.

Urrrghhhh to all (except possibly the parking). And this is early on in the heady stages of early romance, so as good as it gets.

There is a very funny SATC scene with Miranda about that exact same scenario 😂

I’m with you on all point except the restaurant. I’d absolutely send it back if it’s lukewarm!!

Shitting with the door open and trying to have a conversation is not too bad?!?

No...just no. Gross

It’s the principle. He’s inconsiderate and stingy. He didn’t even have the decency to drop OP off at the hotel then look for a parking spot. And he lied about there being no parking at the hotel. Red flags all round - straight in the bin.

this.

He didn't ask if you wanted to drag your luggage on a 15 minute walk.. he lied about no parking.. which meant you didn't have a choice and you could have paid it..

He will be the one that never wants to get a taxi anywhere, even when its a sensible solution.. He will tell you what he wants you to know so that you can't change his decision. (ie so that you can't argue with him or express an opinion)

You asked him not to make a fuss in the resturant, but he completely ignored you... to show what a big man he was and tell off the waitress.

I know people have said the hygiene issues are an Ick..(you could probably train those out) but I think the above two items are showing character traits that could turn out to be quite oppressive.

I think if it has bothered you enough to ask on here - that is your answer and you need to cast your net again.

No It's down to nmgoid manners. He clearly doesn have any. Could you live with his gross habits permanently? I couldn't. My husband is very clean in habits. Couldn't have it any other way. His none concern over what you have described,? That's the way it would be. Ughh

Are these really the only 4 things that have made you have doubts so far?

Parking - this is a stupid thing to lie about, there would have been signs in the hotel reception about parking, other people talking about it. Also most hotels in town / city centres charge for parking and £15 is not bad compared to the £25+ that it can be! the fact you had to walk 15 mins, for me is far to far away to park the car (it’s probably the cost of the hotel breakfast) says to me it must have been a town / city with parking restrictions. How did he thing you wouldn’t notice the car park??? The lying would bother me as would the lack of research into parking if not wanting to pay! As others have said he could have offered to drop you and the bags at the hotel. So also a bit thoughtless.

Bathroom sink - gross - not used to cleaning up for himself. I’d be very wary. How clean is his home? Does he have a cleaner?

Resturant - depends on how he raised it. If he made a point of calling the waitress over, being forceful and making her feel bad about something that wasn’t her fault this would be a red flag. If he politely mentioned as a side note when dishes were cleared that the side could have been hotter then that wouldn’t bother me.

Bathroom door open - different families have different standards - this is the least bad one for me.

Like others have said though if you are asking here you probably know the answer - you don’t need to “have a reason” to stop a relationship, you don’t owe them anything, if you are not happy then end it.

This should be him being in his best behaviour in the early days of a relationship. Imagine him five years in. I may have been sheltered or blessed but no man has ever felt the need to use the loo in front of me and I've been married for over 30 years. I live in a largely male household and whatever manscaping my sons or husband engage in has never resulted in clumps of pubic hair left in the sink. The most I've ever seen is a few whiskers from shaving and that was teenage boys. Now I may be high maintenance but my idea of a romantic weekend break does not involve me hauling my luggage for 15 minutes because he's too cheap to pay for parking and lies about it. I think you should release this one back to the wild.

The best behaviour mask had dropped and he’s given you a glimpse of the real him - it would be a thank you and goodbye for me

Nope. That is too many things in a short space of time and at an early point in the relationship for me to overlook.

have a think about how he's managed to get his pubes in the sink and ask yourself if he can't be arsed to clear the hairs away then would he have cleaned anywhere else up either 🤢

Parking- fine, we’d do that to save money but DH would drop me and bags off first then go and find somewhere to park.

The hair thing totally disgusting!! I’d definitely have to bring it up as a problem in no uncertain terms!! Also the toilet thing. If I liked him enough I’d probably give him another chance though.

Just this!

Isn't it interesting how we all have different opinions?

Like how some of us think parking a short walk (15 mins is short) away from the hotel to avoid a ridiculous parking fee is a sensible idea whilst others think it's stingy.

Or how some people don't mind the whole talking with the door open whilst shitting

Which is why TALKING to him is a good idea
"Hey, I totally understand why you didn't want to pay £15 for parking but I didn't appreciate the lie. If you had told me I could have offered to pay. And I'd have been prepared. Also, I'm not comfortable with you having the door open whilst using the toilet..."

He's reaction will be telling

I would think the parking thing a bit tight. The hair and loo thing is a simple fix - tell him its gross and to knock it off.

The restaurant thing is important though - anyone who is rude and unpleasant to wait staff or retail workers is a walking red flag. Although you found it embarrassing, was he actually rude or was he polite when explaining the issue?

Exactly .
Some things need to be kept private ,using a toilet is one of them !
I wouldn't have been happy with the waitress issue either ,he sounds thoughtless and maybe arrogant ,and if he's like this at the onset of the relationship i don't think it bodes well.

The pubes in sink and shitting with the door open would be a no from me 🤢