15yo dd didn’t call on my birthday

[Ethina]

My 15yo dd didn’t call me on my birthday. I turned 50. She texted and said she’d call at some point but she never did. She is away at a camp and having a great time so I understand she got distracted but I can’t help feeling disappointed.

On a related note my children barely keep in contact anytime they are away on campus or staying with friends, we have had discussions about this in the past but nothing had ever changed. Some of my friends can barely go half a day without their teens blowing up their phone with messages, asking when their mum will be home etc, but I don’t get that from mine.

I am beginning to think I have made mistakes as their mother. I don’t work so I am always there for them, we are close as a family, dh and I rarely go out and we never go away without them, but clearly something is making them not miss me/us when they’re away.

anyone else’s teens like this?

Children on the whole do not care much about their parents

*But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

OP, you've done nothing wrong and probably a lot more right than those whose teens are blowing up their phones after half a day.
So many teens lack basic emotional resilience and life skills to be a little independent these days. Yours have that so well done!
The ones who are phoning their mums all the time are probably not more considerate, just m9re needy.

Unfortunately teenager are wired to be selfish and it can be hard as a parent.

Kids aren’t our emotional support puppies, she texted so she didn’t forget. All is good. Chill

Posted too soon, then my phone died! That was meant to read:

But let’s make excuses for children becoming more self absorbed and entitled.

Teenagers have always been self-absorbed and entitled!

YABU. She's off having fun and living her life, and she obviously does care, since she sent you a text.

I will never forget DD2s first day of pre-school. A few other little ones were wailing and clinging to their parents, but mine ran inside cheerfully without a second glance!

I was visibly a little dissapointed but one of the teachers said that it's a great sign when children are so fearless, because they've been brought up with the confidence of knowing that you'll always come back for them, no matter what.

Jeez it wouldn’t even occur to me to expect a call on my birthday if they were away at camp (and we do birthdays big style in our family). I’d be over the moon and touched with a text!

Teenagers are meant to be out there living their lives, exploring and discovering new things, not fretting about their parents. I can’t believe so many people on this thread talking about ‘selfishness of teenagers’.

What is selfish is the emotional neediness from someone who is a grown ass adult sitting at home seething because they still expect to be a priority when their kid is away with friends having fun. Get a bloody grip.

parents birthdays are not a big deal. Children’s birthdays are sentimental to parents - my daughter’s bday is as important to me as it is to her… but my birthday? I can’t imagine it will be a massive deal to her.

Happy Birthday op. You've had a text so she didn't forget. The teenagers panicking that their mum is a bit late are the ones who might have problems later. My dh is a bit like that "will you be long? What time will you be back?" It is a real pain in the arse and he doesn't do it to be controlling he just worries, and I now just say I'll let him know when I'm on my way back and he's fine.

That. She sent a text so she didn't forgetb you. But she would have been very distracted and the time would have gone really quickly without her having a moment to think about a call.

You're the normal one, frankly. Calling several times a day for no reason? For teenagers that's really quite odd.

Exactly this. I adore my mum and always have, but I've never needed to speak to her every day if I wasn't home!
I've a friend that speaks to her mum multiple times a day and I find it a bit odd to be honest.

I wouldn't expect my 15 year old to call me on my birthday and I would never have remembered my mum's birthday when I was 15 if I was away!

She text you so she remembered. Try to take joy in the fact that she's having fun.

Do you have a partner who can provide this kind of acknowledgement or make a fuss of you?

Yes it's a thing. It's much more personal than a text. I try to always call close family members on their birthday (as well as send a card).

That said, I certainly wouldn't expect it from a 15 year old. It's just not such a big deal to them. Let alone when they are away at camp having great times with their peers.

She didn't ignore you. She sent a text. She is doing exactly what most teenagers do that have been brought up to be independent and fulfilled. She's away, she remembered. She will catch up with you when she's back

This. How long has she been at camp?

This 💯. It might be upsetting for you but try not to show it. She’s establishing friendships and becoming independent which is all as it should be. She loves you but she’s 15. Be grateful you have such a wonderful daughter and don’t try to manipulate her. Also happy birthday hope you had a good time.

FFS! "15yo dd". Just stop there. You're lucky she's even on speaking terms with you! 😀

My daughter was at camp on my birthday too. I did not expect a phone call. They gave a bit of free time but it’s an overwhelming experience and they need that free time to recharge.

Yes, lots of them are like this. Selfish f*wits.

Absolutely this. From the point of view of the texting generation, she had wished you a happy birthday, she hadn’t forgotten, so job done. While I agree a call would have been better, I don’t think her not calling is a massive fail.

You never going out, etc, is your problem you need to deal with. That’s far more unhealthy than your happy confident kids braving the world independently and without being smothered by you. That’s a sign you’ve raised them well, not badly.

Have to disagree - my son (now a 6'3 man) always gives me a birthday card & lovely presents that he knows I will love (and no, we are not 'rich') - the first card (that he did by himself) said " To my dire mumy, i lof yu' -",with a picture he drew of me looking like a manatee, mind you, that was last year lol - no - when he was about 4, ha! - I have framed it, much to his embarrassment - but in reply to your question, you have raised your children to be confident and ready for the 'world' - so, job done. She did remember, just maybe not quite at the right time. Happy Birthday x 🌹

My older children are in their early 20s. They don’t send my birthday cards or Mother’s Day cards. They just call. I do find it a bit upsetting, especially as I’m single so it’s not like I’ve got anyone else remembering the day.

Definitely not just you. My teens don't initiate any contact when away so we send a hello have a good day message each morning and they reply.

What is it like when they're all home? That's the key. We have good chats and nice times together when they're home and not rushing off with their mates but almost nothing when they're away. I tell myself if it was going badly they would be calling lots.

@gamerchick

OP doesn’t want them to constantly call her, FFS - she wants a call to acknowledge her 50th birthday! It’s the least her offspring could do!