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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP’s friend should give him a lift home

86 replies

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:42

DP doesn’t drive, and is meeting a friend later round the corner from his work.

I’m picking him up when he’s done (with our toddler in tow). It’s about a 20/25 min round trip for me.

It would be about a 10 min detour for his friend if he was to drop him home after.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he hasn’t offered? Probably not helped by the fact I’ll have to rush dinner etc either before or after due to the time it will be.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 14/08/2025 14:05

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

Show quote history

Well neither your DH nor I have the cost of running a car. So I'd get a cab unless offered a lift. I'd never ask or be annoyed by lack of offer.

SirBasil · 14/08/2025 14:06

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:48

Bus. The route to our area stops by the time he will be done.

Taxi seems a waste of £15/20

Show quote history

while i think it would be kind of the friend to offer to drop him off - i get thoroughly fed up of 2 of my non-driving friends (one of whom bangs on about how she's personally saving the world because of it) expecting me to offer to drop them home after we've been somewhere.

So i generally don't now. And we meet up less... When my husband didn't drive, i nearly always collected him, and never expected anyone to bring him home, although it was nice if they offered.

FOJN · 14/08/2025 14:06

Your husband has decided not to learn to drive. He has also decided to meet his friend in a location where he cannot use public transport to get home. He could have asked his friend for a lift.

You are resentful of his friend for not offering a taxi service because now that responsibility falls to you. Perhaps if you inconvenienced your husband by refusing he might sort himself out and learn to drive.

You frustration is directed towards the wrong person.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 14:06

I agree he needs to factor in taxis to his budget as a non-driver. Or leave earlier so he can get the bus. Not drag the OP out with a toddler so he can have an evening out, esp as he is a non driver by choice.

ilovesooty · 14/08/2025 14:15

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

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Well in that case it's not for others to indulge his decision, and his friend is certainly not under any obligation to. I don't think you should run around after him either.

beastieboysontour · 14/08/2025 14:16

Why not get an electric bike ? Would take him a whole 5mins tops to get home !

viques · 14/08/2025 14:24

If you are the only driver in the household but your DP expects you to drive him around , how do you work out the costs of your car. Road tax, insurance, fuel, depreciation, MOT, repairs, servicing. Is he contributing to these costs through shared finances, because the advantages of there being a driver in your family is huge in terms of convenience and you should not be shouldering all the costs of this advantage . Not that sharing the costs means that you are at his beck and call when it comes to lifts. Especially when the lifts are needed at very inconvenient times re your child’s needs.

Skybluepinky · 14/08/2025 14:26

If he wants to go out he should get his own way home, it you can’t be bothered to go and pick him up, not up to his friend to do so.

devildeepbluesea · 14/08/2025 14:29

It’s not a waste of money if that’s the only way he can get home. It’s not your DH’s mate’s responsibility to save him money.
And with the money your DH saves not getting driving lessons, buying, insuring and running a car he can bloody well get his own taxi home.

pontipinemum · 14/08/2025 14:29

Tell him to ask his friend. I wouldn't automatically think to offer my friend a lift. I'd just assume the were sorted. Does the friend know there won't be a bus and you'll be going out with the toddler to go get DH? Doubtful.

Lafufufu · 14/08/2025 14:30

Feel annoyed at your dhs uselessness.

  1. He cant drive
2.he cant arrange his social life so as not to inconvenience you 3.he cant use his words and arrange a lift himself.

I'd be very unimpressed with his failures to adult

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 14:31

I'd be happy to do it if asked, but it probably wouldn't occur to me if not, or if it did, it wouldn't be until I said "do you need a lift" as we were leaving.

DP needs to ask his mate.

However, I'd also do it for a husband I loved and who also helped me out regularly, especially to save "family money" for a taxi.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 14/08/2025 14:31

beastieboysontour · 14/08/2025 14:16

Why not get an electric bike ? Would take him a whole 5mins tops to get home !

How is a 10 to 12.5 min car journey only going to take 5 minutes on an electric bike?

ErickBroch · 14/08/2025 14:31

In my 30s and my DH has still 5 friends who don’t drive. Nightmare. They expect him to drive around and cater to them, always going out of his way with no thanks. We intentionally don’t offer anymore as was just so inconsiderate. Your DH not driving is a you and him thing, his friend is provably sick of it.

PollyannaNibbs · 14/08/2025 14:31

I always pick dh up from town as we don't have much public transport, unless it's really inconvenient in which case he gets a taxi. We never expect anyone to bring him home.

Moonnstars · 14/08/2025 14:33

I would expect him to budget for a taxi home.

I am wondering how late he is planning on staying out if there are no buses that run then, this seems very unreasonable you are having to keep a toddler awake or disturb them when they are asleep to take them in the car to pick him up.

I don't think it's fair to expect his friend to drop him off - friend may have made their own transport arrangements (if they are going to the pub for example and they want a drink).

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 14:35

Fwiw, I quite like giving lifts. It's an easy favour to do and if you've got favours in the bank, you can ask others when you need it. (I don't mean DH, where it's just normal to help each other out).

outerspacepotato · 14/08/2025 14:37

It's not friend's responsibility to drive your partner around. You're unreasonable to expect that.

Nor is it yours. Shocker, I know.

It's your partner's responsibility to get himself around.

He chose not to drive. The consequences are, it's harder for him to do stuff and he either uses public transport, pays for rides, or tries to get people to chauffeur him around at their time and expense and inconvenience. You're willing to do that.

Lanzarotelady · 14/08/2025 14:38

I really don't think I could have any respect for a man, with children, no medical issues, who can't drive.

feathermucker · 14/08/2025 14:43

As a driver that’s spent years ferrying my non-driver friends about, it’s gets too much.

Your husband needs to learn to drive and stop expecting you or his friends to drive him or give him lifts.

Roosch · 14/08/2025 14:46

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

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Sorry but that is pathetic….

Dunnocantthinkofone · 14/08/2025 14:47

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

Show quote history

Sounds very much like he would benefit from being regularly inconvenienced by his choice not to at least try to learn to drive.
No way would I expect his friends (or you) to plug the gap in the basic adulting requirement of getting yourself from A to B

PigletSanders · 14/08/2025 14:47

Irelanderin · 14/08/2025 13:56

No. He did lessons years ago and didn’t get on with it. Has said for years he will get round to it but has done nothing. He’s 41

Show quote history

Oof. This is an ick trigger for me. It’s so…helpless? Lazy? Reliant?

Time for him to sort it out and learn.

Canicule · 14/08/2025 14:49

If he can't drive he needs to consider a taxi fare part and parcel of the cost of going out.
You don't have to collect him, you're offering to. Same as friend, he doesn't have to and didn't offer.
I can't get on with adults who won't drive, and then expect others to ferry them around.

Meandmyguy · 14/08/2025 14:50

lol, you're only doing a short trip.

Just feed your kid a bit earlier.

Tell your boyfriend to learn how to drive. That's not his friends problem.

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