Would you ever tell off someone else’s child?

[Ellaalltheway]

If the child was doing something dangerous or spiteful that was affecting your child? Parents nowhere to be seen and not intervening.

Have you ever been in one of those situations out and about where another child is doing something spiteful/annoying such repeatedly pushing in a queue, bothering your child or taking their stuff, or even doing something dangerous.

Like for example I was at the park and a small child was going round with a big tree branch whacking all of the play equipment while it was being used. Or another time my child was taking their turn on something and another child tried to physically take it off them.

Do you speak up and ask the child not to do it?

Yanbu - you would speak up
Yabu - say nothing

Absolutely I have. If the parent isn’t parenting and it’s affecting my child’s enjoyment of something (or in one case harming her because she was being repeatedly pushed over) I will say something and would be happy to explain why if I was ever challenged.

Haha I did this yesterday. Was in soft play with my dgs who us 2.5. He was in the under 3 area. There was a small baby about 6 months old crawling in there too.
Two girls (probably about 7-8) ran in to the area and started to boisterously jump about near to the baby.

I just told them to get out and go somewhere else. They looked quite surprised to be told off tbh, but that wee baby wouldn’t have stood a chance if they’d landed on her.

@stichguruyes, if that child is the one bothering everyone else then the parent/carer who knows that it happens needs to be there to watch them.
what makes you think a child being a nuisance or badly behaved should be tolerated? And the kids who behave well, should they have to just accept when kids are bothering them?

Exactly!
I won’t ever accept, under any circumstances a child being a nuisance or bother and my child just having to accept that. If no parent is around I will absolutely tell them off, and happy to tell their parent too

Did it the other day on a train. Mum wasn't going to shut her kid up so I did it. The shock of a stranger saying in a very firm voice 'stop that noise right now' did the trick.

This is interesting because there is a thread still running I believe when the OP's child was told off and the answers were very different.
So i am guessing the current thinking is if someone else's child is harming yours, it's absolutely fine to tell THAT child off.
But if your child is harming another, it's completely not on for someone else to tell YOUR child off.
Perfectly clear

I wouldn’t “tell off” another child. But I’d intervene if necessary, generally by speaking to my own children.

For example, the last time I did it my DD was queueing for one of those zip line things at the playground. There were two other children on there, and then my DD and another girl who were queueing nicely, and moving forward to take their turn, but the two other children weren’t letting them. So I just grabbed the zip wire seat as a child got off and loudly said “DD come on, it’s your turn now” and then when she got off said to the other girl “would you like your turn now?” And then to my DD “when it’s your turn again, you can have another go” (she knew this, it wasn’t a comment for her benefit).

Or when my 2 year old had walked really carefully along a really long series of stepping stones, being watched by a boy of around 7/8 yrs old. And when she was about 3 steps from the end he ran and jumped up and started along the other way, so coming face to face with her, blocking her path right before she could finish. I just said to DD “don’t worry, you were here first so he’ll have to move” and then just looked at him (my Paddington hard stare) until he did. Little brat.

I think it does depend on the age of the child though. I was far more likely to intervene and 'tell off' another child when DD was small. As she got older I would wait longer to intervene because she needs to learn to deal with other people's behaviour in her own way (obviously I'd still step in if necessary, usually if she was getting visibly upset or there was an imminent danger of serious physical harm).

I had similar the other day with my three year old about to cone down a big slide. Just as he was at the top a nine or thereabouts girl ran up it. I said ‘he’s about to come down the slide now so can you move off it please?’

She honestly glared at me so horribly I thought I must be face to face with a future psychopath and I’m really not saying that lightly but the way she held my gaze was chilling! I held hers and eventually she moved back down, but gave us evils the whole of the rest of the time we were in the playground. Clearly not used to being told she couldn’t do something, especially not move aside for a smaller child.

Interesting, can you link the thread

Yes absolutely. At playgroup, a little boy kept ramming his little tikes car into my chair, I said "Oi! Stop that". The shock on his face, at being told No and his doe eyed mother whispered sweetly to him.

No, it's not my job to parent someone else's child and I don't enjoy it, so I don't do it. I'd remove my own child out of a dangerous situation and I might block them from doing something that could upset my child. Otherwise I tend to ignore the behaviour.

Yes, I once did this at the playground when a child was repeatedly tearing off all the ‘danger do not use’ sort of tape that signified some metal diggers in the sandpit were broken. Two parents and children came along subsequently and tried to use said diggers, so I had to tell them whilst the mother just watched and did nothing. When the boy returned to do the same to another digger I told him firmly not to as it was dangerous. The kid stopped immediately and then a few minutes later his dad came back and his mom clearly told him what I’d done and he started getting shirty with me because his son is autistic and not to tell him what to do. I pointed out that one of my 3 was too and left it at that. I hate when other parents use their children’s SEN as an excuse for poor parenting. Me and my DP would never let our son do dangerous things or permit destructive behaviour, his SEND needs aren’t an excuse for us to ignore his needs. The boy stopped when I said so clearly had the mental capacity to understand what he was told, so this definitely was lax parenting rather than uncontrollable autistic need.

I also finally snapped and told off an (ex?) friends children for rough play fighting and deliberately destroying plants as we went around a lovely private garden. It shocked me that she tolerated the behaviour anyway but my own son who was with me was about 4 and almost got hurt and I was heavily pregnant. When I told her son to stop breaking branches off the trees because they weren’t his she looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I haven’t seen her since (she lives far away but used to want to catch up when visiting home each summer) but tbh I’m not too sad about it. She complains her mother won’t babysit because of her kids behaviour and I saw why that day.

What would you have done in the situations below? Genuinely interested in I should have done differently to avoid a mouthful from their parents?

The first time it was because the children kept pushing in, I gently spoke up and said that I think my dc was next please. The mother appeared saying that if I had a problem to speak to her. I told her that they were pushing in ahead called me a ‘fucking prick’.
The other time there was an older child (clearly several years older than mine) causing havoc moaning and complaining when other children took their turn. Some of the children WERE taking too long, but they weren’t my children and there was a queue 🤷‍♀️ She kept asking me (as the nearest adult) to tell the other children to go. When it came to my child’s turn she asked me to tell him to get off, then she stood in front of him and tried to pull him off. I told her to please let my child take his turn and that then she could have her go in a few minutes when it was her turn.
The mother appeared with the usual how dare I speak to her child like that (I wasn’t nasty) and stropped off with her dd saying that some people won’t share.
Later on when her dd did get a go I clocked that she took ages and when her mother eventually asked her to get off she had a screaming stomping tantrum.

Absolutely, but then I'm an ex teacher so I'm used to confronting behaviour from other people's kids in a non-aggressive way.

I have also stepped in in front of parents, some who are good friends.

At the end of the day, people parent differently, but if you're in my house and your kid is hitting mine with a toy or throwing food and refusing to pick it up and you don't step in, I will.

Not nastily. Not shouting, but no child is acting out in my house without being told to stop.

In public, if another child was hurting mine I would absolutely step in. If they were eg hitting equipment or generally being disruptive I think I'd be more likely to just move my child away from them or leave.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5356500-another-parent-approached-my-child?page=9&reply=146351689

Yep, always have, always will. The DC have friends at our house all the time (teens). I’m known for being very laid back, but equally absolutely for telling them to pack it in.

I did it today - DS was playing with a dressing up item (so not really a shareable toy) at a softplay type cafe, a child tried to take it. I said "we are playing with this right now, there is more dressing up stuff in that box". I didn't see it as "telling off" though, just redirecting the child? Would other parents see that as telling off?

I felt the difference with that thread was that it wasn't a case of the adult catching the child doing something dangerous or nasty and telling them off but wading in and having a go at them based on second hand information. In that case speaking to a teacher was the most appropriate way to go.

Thank you, I only read the op not the replies.

I suppose that’s different because it’s something that the school perhaps could have dealt with, rather than a one off thing in a public place.

Damn straight I would and do.

Yes. Absolutely. Bullying animals is one that I’d definitely step in on. Actually any kind of bullying.

I have a 4 and 2 year old so yes, at least once a week. I always speak kindly but I'm not prepared to watch a child get hurt/hurt someone else or take things away from my children without intervening. Sometimes it's a safety thing and sometimes I'm scaffolding for my kids to help them learn how to deal with conflict. I'm also completely comfortable with people doing the same with my children.

Oh that's a completely different scenario to what I was imagining. I'd happily step in if it was in the moment, but no I wouldn't seek out a child to confront them about something that had already happened. I'd speak to the school or parents in that case.

I've told off a whole group of unaccompanied boys aged approximately 11 or 12 who were messing about in a public place and getting on everyone's nerves once. I put on the mum voice and told them to sit down and behave. I was actually quite surprised when they did so!