Would you ever tell off someone else’s child?

[Ellaalltheway]

If the child was doing something dangerous or spiteful that was affecting your child? Parents nowhere to be seen and not intervening.

Have you ever been in one of those situations out and about where another child is doing something spiteful/annoying such repeatedly pushing in a queue, bothering your child or taking their stuff, or even doing something dangerous.

Like for example I was at the park and a small child was going round with a big tree branch whacking all of the play equipment while it was being used. Or another time my child was taking their turn on something and another child tried to physically take it off them.

Do you speak up and ask the child not to do it?

Yanbu - you would speak up
Yabu - say nothing

Yes I did this recently, one child being absolutely feral at the playground. He came near my dd and I went up to him , and hissed ‘get away from here’ and he was so shocked he ran away and didn’t come back. I loathe naughty children.

I’ve only felt the need to do this twice and both my children are older now. But both times it’s resulted in a mouthful from the mother who suddenly appeared.

The first time it was because the children kept pushing in, I gently spoke up and said that I think my dc was next please. The mother appeared saying that if I had a problem to speak to her. I told her that they were pushing in ahead called me a ‘fucking prick’.

The other time there was an older child (clearly several years older than mine) causing havoc moaning and complaining when other children took their turn. Some of the children WERE taking too long, but they weren’t my children and there was a queue 🤷‍♀️ She kept asking me (as the nearest adult) to tell the other children to go. When it came to my child’s turn she asked me to tell him to get off, then she stood in front of him and tried to pull him off. I told her to please let my child take his turn and that then she could have her go in a few minutes when it was her turn.

The mother appeared with the usual how dare I speak to her child like that (I wasn’t nasty) and stropped off with her dd saying that some people won’t share.

Later on when her dd did get a go I clocked that she took ages and when her mother eventually asked her to get off she had a screaming stomping tantrum.

Probably wouldn't with the waving stick, but with the snatching yes.

If it's negatively affecting your child and the parents aren't doing anything then it's fair to say something. You can be direct without being nasty.

Yes I have a few times. Normally after I’ve directed my child away from the kid and then the kid is following my child around bullying him at the park (he’s non verbal so it happens quite often as he’s an easy target). And once when a much older kid pushed him off tall play equipment. I’m not going to let my child be bullied/injured just because some parent can’t be bothered to supervise their child properly.

Yes, of course.

Definitely and have done in the past

Yes but reasonably gently with an awareness that there are a number of reasons why the child may not function as I expect:

• may have a disability
• may, like my own son, be huge for there age. My son at 2, was cognitively 2, but the size of a 4 year old!

I've told kids of sternly many times when my DD was young. I've never had a parent have a go at me about it, because its generally kids whose parents couldn't care less what they're doing that are the issue

Yes and no! I will happily tell off any of the kids from our street if I catch them doing something dangerous or stupid etc. I also let their parents know I've spoken to them for the downright dangerous stuff.

I've only ever once told off a complete stranger - a little girl was running full tilt towards the children's swimming pool. She was probably about 2.5-3 and the pool is 1m20. Her mum was trying to run after as fast as she could but was never going to make it in time, so I grabbed her and told her off for not waiting for her mum!

I also would have no issue with someone else telling my child off (as long as they were kind/respectful). One of the children I’d “told
off” (I asked them to please stop bouncing the bridge my 2yo was trying to cross) went crying to his mum and I heard her back me up.

Yes absolutely I would and have. And I'd be fine with another adult telling mine off if they were misbehaving and I wasn't there.

I do but usually in a way that isn’t going to get me in trouble with the other parent. DH however, shouted so loudly to a 5 year old girl who was holding our 2 year olds face to the floor at soft play after pushing her over, that the whole softplay went silent. He made the little girl apologise and told her it was the third time he’d seen her targeting our daughter and if she did it again he would make her mum take her straight home. The girl apologised and the mum was just open-mouthed I think with shock. The other parents absolutely loved it though and DH had winks and a number of “well done mate” muttered his way afterwards.

A very loud Oi normally works

Yes, but not how I tell my own kids off. I try and adopt the school teacher way of speaking rather than the crazy banshee that my kids get as the school teacher persona doesnt work on them 😂
Although once at the top of a big soft play I told a girl of about 7 off in a measured school teacher way for targeting my then 4 year old son and pushing him over continuously, and she went for my throat and I had to prize her off. I was so shocked i got us down and told thr management. Who said that this family come here every other day and don't parent their children at all and get complaints. The mum looked like she would fight me too.
In another soft play I saw two mums going for each other after one told off the others child, one of the mums was shouting ' I'm getting my boyfriend down here and he will bust you up, meet me outside and say that you bitch' etc. So I do take into consideration who the parents are. If they look like they might go mental then I just move us away...

Yes, and I’d expect other parents to have a word with my kid if they were disrespectful of property or if they were being horrible.

I would NOT be as angry as I would with my own kids - depending on the misdemeanour and with younger kids I would say, “I don’t think you should be doing that, do you?” And then give a reason and say thank you when they stopped/left.

With very small kids I’d look around for parent/carer then I’d say, “where is your mummy or daddy? Play gently so you don’t hurt yourself/ the other children.”

If he tried that shit in the soft plays I go to, he'd be told straight that no man bullies a woman into leaving. He went too far. He doesn't get to dictate who is in the building, even if he thinks he can being a man and dealing with a lone woman.

I would and I have. Sometimes even a glare is enough. If parents don’t like it, they should be supervising more closely. They can kick off if they want, I don’t care or take it to heart.

I have done, on several occasions.

Your abit weak if you don't aren't you?

Yes I will say something but then I’d also expect someone to pull my ds up if I didn’t notice or wasn’t there to see what he did. If I noticed ds would get told in no j certain terms so I think he would prefer the intervention of strangers 😂

The worst parents imo are the ones who tell everyone else’s kids off but never reprimand their own.

What rubbish. Whacking play equipment with a stick is not a game, it's completely inappropriate and could be dangerous. What if they're whacking a slide as someone starts coming down it? What if the stick they're whacking stuff with breaks off and hits another child in the face? Or they hit a child while they're swinging it around? 'Whacking stuff' isn't a game.

Of course children shouldn't just be expected to sort things out fairly on their own. How is a 3 year old ever going to manage that? How is a younger child ever going to get a chance if the older one gets to decide what's fair? How is a quiet child ever going to get a turn?

It's just poor, lazy parenting to suggest that whacking stuff with a stick is a game and that children should just sort everything out for themselves.

My favourite example OP was when a horribly behaved child of a completely ineffective parent was sat behind me kicking the back of my chair on a plane. I turned round glared at the child from between the seats and clearly mouthed 'NO'. Child stopped immediately - but continued to be a complete brat for her ineffective parent.

Then it’s your problem. You need to stand there watching like a hawk so your child doesn’t bother everyone else.

DP really shouted at a group of teenage boys swearing like troopers in the under 8s playground at the park. Their chat was vile and he thankfully got rid of them. The playground was packed with parents, babies and toddlers but no-one else said anything. I struggle with confrontation so it makes me happy that DP will always stand up for DD - if she's ever bullied in school I'm sending him in!

It's a very formal way of asking the question, feels like something in a questionnaire 🤔

Regarding the stick. I didn’t actually say anything in that instance because we left.

However I felt that it was quite dangerous and if he had gone near my dc I’d have had to step in.

The child had a large quite thick branch and was whacking the equipment while it was being used.

He was hitting the tyre on the tyre swing and hitting the seats on the spin and bounce, he could have quite easily missed and caught another child.