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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do managers ever just tell someone to crack on anymore?

93 replies

Havesomecommonsense · 14/08/2025 08:21

I have a really nice workplace. BUT I'm getting a bit fed up with management taking every little comment and tackling it when actually a bit of filtering or common sense is needed:
Recent examples :
A member of staff came in and brought doughnuts, left a sign on them in the staff room saying help yourself. Later in the day, my colleague came out with a doughnut and said "there's doughnuts in there" bit later, I went in, 2 colleagues were in there and I said " I heard there was doughnuts"
Next day my manager talks to me and doughnuts lady and says that one of the members of staff felt left out as when I said I heard there was doughnuts, I'd clearly been part of something they weren't as they only discovered the doughnuts when they went in the staffroom. We explained and my manager was fine but then said to doughnut lady that next time she should go round the office telling everyone so no one felt left out.
This is mental. Why didn't manager say that nothing in that situation is abnormal?
There are other examples but tbh I don't know if I can be bothered to type them out as they seem so trivial. But why is manager trying to alleviate anyone feeling anything other than joyful? It's like any fleeting normal emotion is someone else's problem to solve
Anyone sympathise?
Ps before all the performative lot come on here and say
Why are you all eating doughnuts instead of working in silence. Sounds awful, I'd hate to chat to my Co workers and have snacks, you're there to work.
We are a normal workplace just like all the others , only on MN is work like the white cubicles in Severance

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 14/08/2025 08:24

Well i understand what you're saying but I suppose I'd rather be in a workplace were the management was concerned about people being happy than the alternative.

But I do understand where you're coming from. You work with adults and shouldn't expect someone not being directly informed aboit fucking donuts to cause a drama.

PollyBell · 14/08/2025 08:26

I am surprised there was no lecture on healthy eating or whatever new fangled pen people are using or ensuring all no one i offended by the deocoratios or is the box they came in from a brand that doesn't endorse dodo summer holiday colouring used as wallpaper in case the royalties are not shared ethically

PumpkinPie2016 · 14/08/2025 08:26

YANBU - I'm surprised your manager has got the time to follow up such trivial things!

The doughnuts were in a communal kitchen with a note saying 'help yourself' - therefore, it is clear they were for anyone who wanted one. The conversations sound like entirely normal conversations in the context!

Where I work, treats are usually left in a similar way. Occasionally, the person may ping an email round to let people know (but we are a big building, across 4 floors!). No one gets offended either way.

Ladamesansmerci · 14/08/2025 08:27

Yea I agree. That's ridiculous.

Workplace well-being is important, but that person needs to get a grip. I certainly won't be sending an email around because I've baked a cake or whatever.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 14/08/2025 08:27

You have a manager problem here. I’d have actually laughed if a member of my staff told me they felt left out - then told them to get a grip.

so yes - where I work, managers usually tell staff to crack on.

TY78910 · 14/08/2025 08:30

Someone has clearly complained that they were left out. They had to address it (whether they believed in it or not) otherwise they would come across as dismissive of that person. I don’t believe they would have just watched it unfold and thought ‘ooh, someone must feel left out so let me give that feedback’.

Unfortunately we are in a place where if someone raises a complaint and it’s not dealt with, the complaints just keep coming as people feel they’re not supported. That’s where you get all the threads where people say ‘I feel my manager hates me and has it in for me’ where they could be like you, just telling them to get on with it for trivial things but sadly they turn it in to a massive battle and so managers just rather get them off their backs, as they are people too.

BloodyHellBob · 14/08/2025 08:31

As a manager I would have been more concerned that I had potentially missed out on doughnuts and therefore I’d ask staff to email everyone when there are baked goods in the building. Grin

Didimum · 14/08/2025 08:31

I manage a team of 17 people and don’t get involved in anything unless it’s work related. I will however give brief advice, eg ‘why don’t you tell X you’d love to hear about any treats going next time in a friendly way’. Then leave it at that.

3luckystars · 14/08/2025 08:32

what an absolute loser saying she was ‘left out’ it wasn’t even about the doughnuts they felt out of, is was that you were ‘in the know’

People like that that ruin workplaces for the genuinely sound people. I agree managers should keep completely out of this pettiness.

W0tnow · 14/08/2025 08:32

I agree they had to address it, but I think addressing it by saying “Nothing in that situation is abnormal/mean/exclusionary”, is addressing it. Madness.

10PieceBargainBucket · 14/08/2025 08:33

People are so very flaky these days OP.

I had a complaint made against me as I said 'morning' collectively to the team but I allegedly made eye contact with the team and not one person.
unsure as to how I can make direct contact with 12 people and not one other when saying 'morning' but there we are.

people can be wet flannels, it's not your fault OP it's on them.

amberisola · 14/08/2025 08:37

People need to get a grip. Left out? It's not primary school. I'm a manager myself and I don't know how your manager gets any work done!

If someone came to me with that complaint I would've sympathised and then quickly steered the conversation to whatever the person was meant to be working on instead of worrying about doughnuts.

TaborlinTheGreat · 14/08/2025 08:39

YANBU. That sounds ridiculous. People are always bringing in cakes, biscuits etc at my work. They are plonked on the staffroom table. No announcement is made. First come first served. If you miss out, never mind. People need to grow the hell up!

InterestedDad37 · 14/08/2025 08:40

Get one of these, and wear it to work 🤔😀🍩

Do managers ever just tell someone to crack on anymore?
ANiceBigCupOfTea · 14/08/2025 08:41

I'm a manager and no way I would have had a conversation with donut lady.
Happens all the time in our office- someone brings donuts, someone has a team lunch and leaves things for people, someone brings in biscuits etc. It's first come first served and I'm not policing baked goods being brought into the office as we aren't in primarily school.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/08/2025 08:41

It's not clear whether the person who complained got there too late and all the doughnuts were gone, or whether she had a doughnut but was still upset that she hadn't been individually told about them.

I'm all for inclusivity at work and not leaving people out, but this does sound ridiculous on her part. I'm not sure why your manager spoke to you, as you didn't bring the doughnuts in and you just said that you had heard that there were doughtnuts, because one of your colleagues told you.

Is your manager implying that you should have then made sure that everyone knew about them by going from office to office and making an announcement? If that is what she means, she is as crazy as the complaining colleague.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 14/08/2025 08:43

Why didn't doughnuts person just send an email informing of the presence of the doughnuts. Absolutely barking mad.

Daisyvodka · 14/08/2025 08:48

That is ridiculous, but speaking as a former manager, these kind of incidents are exactly the kind of thing that get packaged into grievance cases against managers with other tiny things as a sign of 'exclusion'. Now, tiny things add up to a bigger picture, with context, and sometimes that makes it clear there is some passive aggression bullying going on from a manager, but this is why mamagers get worried about it, even if its not why it was intended.
And before anyone says it, its not just Gen Z - i have worked with people of all ages and people 40+ were the most obsessed with bullying, cliques, 'if your face fits' - probably because they came of age in workplaces where that kind of behaviour from management was indeed a lot more rife!

childofthe607080s · 14/08/2025 08:50

So there was a note on the staff room door and then people passed the word on organically and then someone complained that they felt left out because they didn’t hear first ? did they miss out on the donut?

Is there someone on your team who might feel they are regularly excluded ? They may have overreacted because of a series of other events ? Someone most of you don’t like ?

StrikeandRobinlol · 14/08/2025 08:55

Looool yes it’s ridiculous. But that’s why finding a nice workplace is so important

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 08:55

In my work place (which is pretty “right on” but not to a silly extent) my manager would have said that’s a non issue, don’t be silly.

So I think you’re right re it being normal and a non-issue, but also I think it’s a your manager issue.

I think some people get pointed in a certain direction (eg you have to be inclusive, not bully people etc, which is good) but then just carry on in that direction without exercising any judgement as to whether a situation does actually call for any input from them.

LimpysGotCancer · 14/08/2025 08:56

They had to address it (whether they believed in it or not) otherwise they would come across as dismissive of that person.

That person deserves dismissiveness though.

Throwntothewolves · 14/08/2025 08:58

I guess there will be no more donuts then

MalcolmMoo · 14/08/2025 08:58

Wow yes this seems extreme. I think there’s certain things that I agree shouldn’t be in a workplace that recent changes in how employees are treated etc. has addressed but this does seem a bit ridiculous!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 08:59

Daisyvodka · 14/08/2025 08:48

That is ridiculous, but speaking as a former manager, these kind of incidents are exactly the kind of thing that get packaged into grievance cases against managers with other tiny things as a sign of 'exclusion'. Now, tiny things add up to a bigger picture, with context, and sometimes that makes it clear there is some passive aggression bullying going on from a manager, but this is why mamagers get worried about it, even if its not why it was intended.
And before anyone says it, its not just Gen Z - i have worked with people of all ages and people 40+ were the most obsessed with bullying, cliques, 'if your face fits' - probably because they came of age in workplaces where that kind of behaviour from management was indeed a lot more rife!

I can see this point, and I can also see the point of the pp who suggest a email mentioning the doughnuts would have worked better.

But I don’t think it’s wrong to just pop something in the kitchen with a note.