I understand my family might read this

[Isthiscondescending]

Hello I am not a regular user of the site but after trying to work it out with talking to family members and chatgpt I wanted to get objective advise.

I am recovering from a psychotic episode. During it I acted very badly towards my 18 year old son. He was rude and I inflammatory but I said and did things which were out of order the thing is I don't think my son can grasp that it was the illness really causing it. He has left my home several weeks ago.

He had said to me by text, "you were the one who said you didn't want to lose me. I suppose I am just wondering why you are making it worse for yourself." It feels like he is basically saying I value the relationship more than he does and he knows it and I just find it very rude and condescending and like there is a power play going on. He has said things like this to me before, that same tone of superiority almost and as if it is just a given that he would want to cut contact with me ?

I have tried to reach out but I know if I bring this up he will completely deny him doing this with me. He reminds me of his father sometimes.

The thing is I was just so seriously ill, it feels like I am coming round from a waking nightmare and I still feel scared and very lost at times. Every night I have the same dream that I am back in the episode. I really need my family right now and I am trying to tell my son this but I haven't had a positive response from him tonight (I did not bring the original topic up that I posted here re me thinking hr is condescending)

I am just worried about him he hasn't responded all day when I reached out and isn't picking up his calls. I do not know where he is staying, but he has told me he is definitely not going to move back home and that he cannot cope with my illness. It's making me so sad and anxious especially tonight I'm worried and I am just feeling very low in general sorry if the thread is a bit all over the place

Have you ever apologised to him for not being able to be a good parent due to your illness OP? When he says you've been a terrible mother it's because he desperately wants you to recognise the trauma he's been put through. He loves you I'm sure, but this isn't something a child should have to deal with, it will have been terrifying to him and he was a child for most of it.

When he says things like 'if you don't stay on your medication I'll cut contact' he's trying to take some control over a situation that feels out of control to him, and is beyond his control. He needs you to be stable and he can't cope any longer if you're not - it is good that he is protecting himself like that.

I really don't think you are able to understand the trauma he has been put through. The sort of trauma that could lead to him developing his own serious mental health issues. I really hope that he is getting some help for himself.

You need as much professional support as you can get OP. You're family can't be expected to handle your very serious illness. You need to focus on properly sorting yourself out and staying on your medication long term. Unfortunately people take their meds, start to feel better and then think they can stop taking them and then quickly spiral back down. You need to stay on your meds OP until a doctor agrees that it's safe to reduce it - and then when you're properly stable you'll be in the best place to try to rebuild things with your son. Focus on getting yourself well because you deserve to be well OP.

I don't think he is a parent or support creature. He is my family. I did not mention his emotional needs being met or not. What is wrong with some of you people. My son is thankfully more mature than some of you.

Unfortunately it’s very clear just from your replies here what you expect of your son and you are very unreasonable. I hope he has a good support system because he is going to need it.

Him being your family does not mean he owes you his presence, or any other form of emotional support, especially not if it puts him at risk of harm.

I’m sorry you are unwell but unfortunately because of it your son doesn’t see you as his safe place.

This^

I'm much older than your ds and I actually now work in a career that's pretty parallel to working in mental health so I have a lot of experience and training and I've supported lots of people who've had the same types of mental illness that my mum has struggled with. It is not even remotely the same as when I'm trying to support her, it's so much more complicated, there's old hurts mixed in and fears and frustrations and my own hopes and wishes for her etc etc. So I cannot be objective- it's exactly why doctors are not allowed to directly treat their loved ones.

What you're asking of him op, it is too much. As a mother, it's my job to ensure that my son is supported and encouraged to spread his wings, gain independence and follow his dreams. Even if those dreams involve moving to Australia and leaving me - i'd be secretly devasted, but that's my pain to hold. It's my job to be accountable for my own emotions as a parent in order to better meet my child's needs.

You can't put this on your child (even if he is now 18) and yes, you are expecting too much. Lean on other, older family who are more equipped to actually help you. Otherwise you're keeping him beholden to you and you're clipping his wings. Even if you don't mean to.

Why did he feel the need to record an argument you were having. That's concerning that he felt like he had to do that?

This @Isthiscondescending what do you mean I have let it go ?
His having his own emotional needs and not wanting to be your 'emotional support person'?

It was that I had felt like he was talking to me like I was on the naughty step for cheating on someone or something. Like I thought it was a weird dynamic to have with my own child but it seems I misread it

He is having to set boundaries with you because you aren’t capable of doing it.

I disagree

Please stop using ChatGPT. It is not good for people who are mentally unstable.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/13/technology/chatgpt-ai-chatbots-conspiracies.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/urban-survival/202507/the-emerging-problem-of-ai-psychosis
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/08/technology/ai-chatbots-delusions-chatgpt.html

Being brutally honest, a parent is meant to love a child more than a child loves a parent. That's totally normal, and nothing to get upset about. It isn't an equal relationship in that way.

I'm sorry you have been unwell. It must have been scary for both you and your ds. It might be for the best that he's moved out, as it allows him to get some space and not to slip into a caring role, which I'm sure you don't want for him.

Can you think about other places you can get support? Some support groups of people who've had similar experiences can be wonderful communities.

That's interesting. I haven't had any issues with chatgpt but I did have to take a break from social media because the algorithm was linking up funny for me and it was like a feed of all these weird ideas in the end, I thought I was being communicated with. I am basically ok now though my medication has mostly stabilized my brain chemistry

I would also consider the fact that it must be incredibly scary to have a parent so unstable. Kids his age normally need A LOT of stability to be able to push against. I’d see it as a bit of a challenge/request from him for you to be rock solid in your love for him. He is saying, be a rock for me mum, I need you to be solid. I’m gonna test how solid you really are by being a pain and see what you do’. He is still basically a child in the way he relates to you in particular. The parent child relationship normally doesn’t switch until a lot later - think parent in their late 70s/80s.

I’d agree with this too. You DS knows that the natural order is that your love of him is all consuming and unconditional. He is unconsciously asking you to prove your love, because he NEEDS it.

It's a really weird dynamic to have thought about re your child. Why do you liken his reaction to your behaviours as being reprimanded for cheating on them?

Tbh mental health can influence behaviour. But behaviour does impact others.

You admit you "said and did things that were out of order" to an extent he felt he had to leave and your whole post is woe is me. Your main points are hes condescending, superior and negatively comparing him to your ex.

Youre entering into the dialogue looking to think badly of him and wanting him back because you need him because youre having a hard time.

And I do feel sympathy, it sounds like you've had and a terrible time. But he is a teenager and youre putting a lot on him. He was rude and teens can be and you inflamed it, and "said and did" what?

I think you need to focus on your recovery and give him some space. I dont mean ignore him, just reach out without pressure. I hope you sort things out. But i do think for now recovery needs to be your priority

You’re asking for advice here but not really listening to it. I suspect you were hoping most people would side with your own (frankly, skewed) perception of the situation.
You run the risk of alienating your son further, perhaps forever, if you do not back right off, right now.
Stop calling him- he doesn’t want to speak right now. You’re harassing him and possibly frightening him.
He may be an adult but his brain is not yet fully developed at only 18.

I feel a huge amount of empathy for your health situation and its consequences but you are honestly making things worse by pursuing this somewhat manic obsession that your child owes you any kind of support right now in these circumstances.

Hello are you under a CMHT? They may be able to offer family therapy as well as supporting you. Psychosis is terrifying, please do be easy on yourself x

Family therapy is a great shout.

I have multiple family members who have required sectioning. The impact on their children was immense, it is not the sufferers fault but the nature of things is that a parent is supposed to be there for their children to lean on and look to for support and guidance. Where there is a mental health issue the roles are reversed and children become parentified before their time. Thats why your son talks to you the way he does.

Give him some space, stop putting him in the role of parent. The way you phrase things is off too.

Yes, most community mental health teams offer solution focused family therapy sessions which can be life changing family support and involvement is key to full recovery from psychosis and to avoid relapse.

Having a parent with a MH condition is a huge responsibility for any kid. There is a chance that you have never had a “normal” parent/child relationship. Even if the parent is responding well to their meds and functioning well in society, the child is going to be bracing themself for what they believe is the inevitable crash when parent thinks they don’t need them/chases the high of mania/prioritises other things. You need to recognise that your illness has caused an enormous psychological injury to your child, and while it isn’t your fault, it is as damaging as the illness is for you. Let him heal.

I hope you are feeling better.
can I just say I would not read too much into what an 18 year old wrote in a text. My son just finished an English lit A level - so in theory understands writing but he would not think that deeply about words he puts into texts.
with social media this generation has grown up with words almost being like fast food - with the apps they use making them feel like they have to respond quickly or the other person feels ‘aired’ … I just don’t think they think deeply about words they use in texts as maybe an older adult would.

Don't call him, please, you must stop this.

I don't tink your son dislikes you at all but because of your illness you are not stable or safe to him. He might be cross at the moment but give it Tim, leave him be and focus on your own wellbeing and recovery. Do not try and use him as your emotional crutch, ever as this is going to drive home away.

He's done the right thing putting some distance in between you and him. Parents should never emotionally rely on their dc in the way you are describing it's unbearable and they will push back if they have any backbone and self confidence.

Focus on you, get support form your family. Leva your ds and give him space, no calling, no begging, you are hurting him so much with that kind of behaviour. I'd have thought he will forgive you for episode but not if you are clinging to him.

Lean on your parents and siblings and try to get help from professionals. You will be fine, give it time, be kind to yourself but do not try to fix this thing with your son. Time and space will take care of that.