Visitors after birth

[ariana861]

I’m wondering how long it’s appropriate to ask my in laws to wait to come and visit and meet the baby once they’re born. I know my MIL will want to be there ASAP but I feel like I will need at least a few days for me, my husband and the baby to have some time to ourselves. But if I’m honest with myself I’d like longer but I feel like I’ll get a lot of pushback

My parents hit the road within 5 minutes of the phone call saying the baby was born, pausing only to buy up the entire stock of Baby Gap en route.

My in-laws expected us to come to them (2 hours away) and I foolishly agreed on day 6 after an emergency section. That was far, far too soon to spend that long in a car.
I insisted on a fortnight before visiting them for the next.

I’m telling people I may need up to 2 weeks for any visitors. I’m getting a c section and know it’ll all be a shock to the system. I’m not rushing myself at all.

The only people who need to see your baby when it’s brand new are you and your partner! I’d delay all visitors or anyone except the grandparents, not just one side, however.

Agree with long car journeys

I went to my FILs funeral 10 days after a third degree tear and sitting on a ring cushion after the journey at the front of the church in agony was, quite frankly, stupid of me.

We didn’t go anywhere after the second birth and Caesarian
They came to us

Why are you thinking of this before having given birth? You have absolutely no idea how you're going to feel. You might be desperate to show everyone your lovely baby an hour after the birth, or you might want a day to adjust, or a fortnight... Who knows. Try to relax and decide when the baby's born.

My parents were there as soon as I was home from hospital (in fact my mum was there for the birth of my eldest). I couldn't wait to have them meet their grandkids and its a wonderful memory.

Inlaws live 400 miles away so took them a few days to get down but was certainly within the first week. Except for my 3rd child, and MIL was already at ours when I had the baby.

I couldn't fathom making my babies relatives wait weeks to meet them, unless I was extremely poorly or baby was. It seems really odd to me.

Interesting we where all at the birth my niece had her little boy in the car , it was a wonderfull experience, mum and baby carried on to hospital and all ok , we meet an ambulance half way to maternity hospital great service

Sorry, just to clarify, we’re waiting everyone to wait. I just know other family and friends will be respectful of whatever we decide but my MIL will want to come round ASAP. Both my parents have passed away so I’m not ‘singling out’ one side. I don’t want to cause any issues with my in laws but my MIL is a difficult person and I’m not sure I will want her energy around so soon after giving birth

I'd say get them to come to the hospital, I actually felt more comfortable with that. We video called my ILs the evening baby arrived and invited them to the hospital the next day. They stayed for the entire visiting two hours and MIL held the baby for most of it. I also gave him a colostrum syringe as they arrived - he was overdue a feed having his hearing test done and I felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with them there.

Anyway from that, I'd advise 1. You don't have to invite them for the beginning of visiting hours 2. Feed your baby openly and confidently however you like, whenever you like 3. Ask your DH to make sure his side washes hands and doesn't kiss the baby, anything you've agreed on

I went to a birth centre for 3 days aftercare so only came home on day 5, ILs came again with auntie a couple days later. It was helpful to have space to establish breastfeeding and bond with baby, build my confidence looking after him myself.

My mum died a couple of years ago and we've chosen to live near ILs so there wasn't a question of keeping ILs at bay while my side was close. But it is tough having the dynamic change, I love mine but took some time to find my voice and assert what I needed or what baby needed and not worry how it came across. And they've been good about listening.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It might be easier to let them come to the hospital as it will be a very short visit with hospital visiting times and you won't have to host them as guests in the way you would at home. Then if they've already met baby you can ask for space to settle in at home.

It’s really not completely fine. Obviously if there are special circumstances at the time, difficult or traumatic birth etc then fine to delay visitors then but saying upfront that one set of grandparents can’t visit but one can is outrageous in my opinion. These will be the baby’s only grandparents in OP’s case, I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t want them to share in the excitement of the new baby as soon as possible. By all means make sure your husband kicks them out if they overstay their welcome after a couple of hours but to set a ‘rule’ upfront that they can’t come for X number of days post birth will come across really badly I think.

At no point did I actually say I agreed with setting a rule in advance of the birth of a specific number of days when each set of grandparents was allowed to visit. I think that's already setting a precedent of which set of grandparents is more "important". I personally think that visiting should be decided after birth because you never know how things will go or how the Mum will feel. And then, if she feels alright having her own parents but not anybody else then that's fine. Or equally, she might feel up to having in-laws or others visiting without any issue. It's ridiculous that women still feel they have to allow people into their personal space at a potentially vulnerable time to appease them even if she isn't comfortable with it. Or that she can't have the people she is closest to, other than her partner, around her to offer her help and support because other fully grown adults might get offended.