Holiday money

[PeoniesGinandBags]

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but opinions welcomed.

currently on holiday with my partner and my DS. I have paid for the holiday for the 3 of us. It’s an all inclusive resort.

the agreement with partner was that he would cover any excursions and airport parking. This is significantly less in costs but he has had a year where he’s been stupid essentially and has been strapped for savings.

The week before we were due to go away, he asked me to book the parking as he would need to “pay me back”. I was irritated as the holiday has cost me over £6k but I begrudgingly did it because we needed parking. He paid me back a few days later.

On the day we left, I picked him up at the agreed place. He was 15 minutes late and had on the way he said “I feel shit but I don’t have any spends”. I said WTAF?! He say “well I can just pay you back for anything”.

It feels like that’s not the point though. I’ve worked my backside off for the holiday - I’m a single parent- and it feels like he can’t be arsed.

The holiday was booked a year ago so IMO plenty of time to save. I expected him to bring maybe £500 for trips…. I’d pointed out the 2 I thought would be good months ago and told him the price.

we’re still on holiday and he’s just informed me that “tomorrow he’s found a bar to go and watch the football so won’t be at lunch”.

AIBU to just be pissed off? He’s for form for letting me down and it feels like this is the final straw but I don’t know if I’m over-reacting?

He’s a grown ass, functioning(even if he likes to pretend he’s not) adult. You’re not his mum, he’s not your responsibility, no matter how much he’s tried to condition you to think he is. You get on with your day and enjoy your holiday. He’s probably done it on purpose, to worry you and ruin your time as payback.

TBF if i was you,I’d pack his stuff up, leave it with reception and ask for a different room, or even better change hotels.

Or the less nuclear option of simply telling him it is over, right here right now, he’s free to go home or find himself another room, but you are done.

It’s the sum of everything plus the fact you said this isn’t the first or second time he has left you in the lurch financially. You’re being treated like a sugar mama. Unless he is twenty years younger, fit and treats you like a queen it’s not worth it.

Either crack on with your holiday or inform local police and then crack on with your holiday.

This man is a freeloading pillock who is making you miserable. I'd bet my house that a significant percentage of your shitty year was down to him.

Here's what you do, right now, to take back control of your life:

1. As a pp said, pack up his shit and take it down to reception. Ask them to move you to another room, or at the very least reprogramme your keys so he can't get back in
2. Block him on your phone
3. Enjoy your holiday

Don't bail him out, don't lend him any more money, don't make him your responsibility. He made the mess.

OP make sure you leave this scrounger the second you land. Don't even take him home from the airport.

Every pound you let him sponge off you is a pound taken from your child.

Sadly that probably tells you everything you need to know about how much you matter

In all honesty I'd be locking the door & he can find somewhere else to stay.
Organise your trips without him & leave him in the dust.

Tell reception that he’s left and won’t be coming back to your room and you need new door keys. Go and enjoy your holiday and relax by the pool and read books and chill out and look forward to beginning without him.

If you don't do it before I'd be dumping him at the airport.

Let the selfish using twat find his own way home.

This. Do not give him any money at all. I'd ditch probably on holiday. I'd have ditched long before now. Set your standards higher. You are spending money that should be for you and your DC on this loser.

He’s punishing you for daring to stand up gif yourself. It’s all about training you to just STFU, accept his shitty behaviour and open your purse on demand otherwise suffer the consequences.

It’s abuse plain and simple. Make today the day you say ‘no more’

Tbh I don’t think you will dump his stuff in reception and let him make his own way home. So at the very least tell him it’s over and when you’re back home you want the money he owes you and him out of your life. It’s very unlikely you’ll get a penny back from him so maybe that’s the price of your freedom from this shameless freeloader

Echo what everyone else said, do nothing OP. He’s a grown man, he can make his own decisions, not matter how bad they are, and he’s purposefully trying to worry you and/or your son.

Carry on with your holiday. Don’t let on to your son there is anything wrong. Take his stuff to reception if you’re that way inclined, I would probably just suck it up for the sake of peace if he comes back, but if you feel you want him out of the room then do it. You’re more than entitled to do this.

Chin up OP, try and enjoy your time with your son. When are you flying home?

Home on Sunday morning so it’s not long at all. I know everyone is right…. It’s been a long time coming and I’ve been seeing a counsellor for a while about the way in which I react to things. I’m currently listening to “let them” by Mel Robbins. You’re right… I need to let him do what he’s going to do. And I need to believe him when he shows me what a selfish prick he is.

If he’s found a bar but has no ‘spends’…how will he buy his drinks?

Personally I know I’m a bit… but I’d hide his passport & make him find his own way home.

You poor thing. He is an absolute dickhead. Your poor dc, I hope hes OK too.

Often it takes something like this to learn who someone really is.

Like you said, he's had a whole year to save just £500 to pay for a couple of excursions. Given how much you paid for the holiday then it wasn't a big ask. Just £10 a week.

He is clearly never going to put you or your child first.

I would take you and your son on am excursion and leave him to sort his own entertainment out. Tell him you can't afford to pay for 3 of you.

At least you didn't move in with him.

Why are you witb him? Why are you even remotely including him in your finances ? Why are you ruining your DS holiday because no doubt it’s putting a damper on things. I’m so confused by single mums who let men like this into their lives. Can you not see he actually doesn’t care for you ? He is using you? Protect your son and yourself and get rid.

Raise your bar

A 6k holiday isn’t the equivalent to a few excursions and airport parking.

You’ve been taken for a fool by this dead beat.

I assume he’s not the father of your child as you don’t like together so get rid of him.

A grown man who can’t financially take care of himself is gross.

Want more for you and your son.

I wouldn't waste my time report a sulking manchild to the police, I would concentrate on the remaining days of my holiday with my actual child.

I mean he's just getting worse and worse isn't he? Late to the pick up, admits he has no money, mysteriously has enough money to drop you and your child for the sake of a football match in a bar, and then storms off when he's challenged.

He's a complete and total wanker. I am so sorry, you deserve so much better. At least you don't have to even remotely question whether or not leaving him was the right decision as you can always come back to this thread and remind yourself in the weeks ahead just how abhorrent his behaviour was.

When he comes back (because he will, because he's a user and will expect you to be fretting over his absence and therefore magically forgive/overlook his disgusting behaviour) I would suggest he finds another hotel room and that you continue your holiday separately - as indeed you will spend the rest of your life - separate from him. He's a user, he's abusive, he just drags you down and makes you sad. Find someone who lifts you up and makes you happy.

He sounds like a dick. Set an example for your DS and get rid.

I’d be packing up his stuff and leaving it with reception. I’d inform reception not to give out your room key when he returns.

He can sort himself out for the next day or two.

Toss this one back, you sound great, you don't need this prick, set a better example to your DS. He's not a keeper and you know it.

How’re you doing OP? Was thinking about you this morning x