Would I be unreasonable to warn my family of the dangers of puddle jumpers?

[LifeOfAShowGirl]

We’ve had my two nieces and nephew over today for a day in the pool. My two youngest niece and nephew were sent with puddle jumpers.

Every time I look at them I can’t help but think of the tragic case in America of Trigg Kiser, who drowned in his family’s pool. Part of the reason was speculated to be because of the false sense of security that puddle jumpers create, because they make children feel like they can float, when they can’t. I don’t have children myself, but this case has really made me think about pool safety. Would I be unreasonable to tell them?

Oh I know - I didn't mean instead of supervision.

It's just that the OP seems diffident about speaking up, as if it's somehow not her place. But as the owner of the pool, it is her place.

"I won't have your kids if you don't come too and we have 1:1 supervision in the pool at all times" would also be a reasonable thing to say and she would be completely within her rights to say it.

Teaching kids to float does seem like a very important skill, to come before swimming.

Both my kids are doing standard swimming lessons at the local council pool and they are given arm floats to start with. It's standard practice to put some arm bands on and start them in the deep end so they can't touch the bottom.

There’s been flotation aids around for years. It’s only an issue if they are not supervised and they then take them off in which case it’s negligence. The case that you refer to was also negligence if the father who left him unattended for a significant amount of time.

I agree. Mine had little life jackets they wore when they couldn’t swim. Eldest was a bolter and had no fear, so it was additional security on top of constantly keeping an eye on her.
weirdly the only time she fell in by accident was when she was fully dressed ready to go out for dinner. She was pulled straight out, but she did sink straight down to the bottom.

i’m not sure there is a problem with the floats unless you are leaving the children unsupervised in the pool.

If you would like your daughter to maintain a relationship with him, you can arrange for contact to be in supervised contact centres due to his recent sentence. Depending on how they go, you could allow the grandparents to also have supervised contact until you either feel that he’s changed or your daughter is old enough to make her own choices.

You could just start a conversation re something like 'oh I say this fascinating post re the huge difference different coloured swim shorts make in bring able to see a child in the water' and send it on to them, use that as an opener maybe. I don't think they ll want to hear any of it tbh as they ll just say oh they will always be supervised. All you can do is try and be super vigilant when they are at yours.
I wouldn't mention that particular tragic case as it won't help make your argument as he drowned because his father let him outside where there was a pool uncovered nevermind having no fence either (and I think they may live in a state where that's a legal requirement?). The child didn't go in the water intentionally thinking he could swim, he tripped over a chair and fell in, the dad only went to check him when he say the dog standing totally focused on the pool. Again, you ll just get the 'oh well OUR children will always be supervised' if you use it as part of your case.

I think this falls into the category of decisions you can make for your own kids, but not on behalf of other parents. By all means say "did you hear about XXX - it's made me really nervous of those puddle jumpers" but beyond that, it's not your decision.

(Unless of course you're so worried that you don't feel comfortable being responsible for them, in which case you must say so)

Your pool, your rules. If you think they're not taking water safety seriously, have a serious talk with them because this is a serious subject and the consequences can be deadly. Are they not closely supervising? Are they drinking alcohol? Are they relying on you to do the lifeguarding instead of them? When my kids wore floaties, which was pretty rare, I was literally right there in the water with them. I don't really care for them because they do seem to instill a false confidence in a kid's ability to handle the pool. Both my kids were taught to swim starting at age 2 and were in the water nearly daily.

How many kids are we talking and what are the ages?

They'd better start taking water safety seriously. Kids drown all the damn time. If the parents aren't taking this seriously, you might have to ban them from the pool. They'll be mad but it's better than a freshwater drowning in your pool.

I see plenty of parents (my friends, relatives) with little kids/babies in front facing car seats. I know how much safer rear facing is. Do I mention it to them? Absolutely not. & I certainly wouldn’t have before having my own kid!

You have heard one story about a kid in America who died because he was completely unsupervised around the pool. The puddle jumper was utterly irrelevant. If the parents want to use puddle jumpers it’s none of your business.

This! Adults will surely be there, so whether arm bands or vesties, they have a floating aid and being supervised??

Their early birthday or Christmas presents are swimming lessons from you?

I think you just bring it up in a "did you hear about that poor boy" kind of way and then open up the conversation from there. You don't have to go in with a lecture just that seeing the Puddle jumpers reminded you of what happened to the poor boy and let the conversation happen naturally about the risk of Puddle jumpers giving kids false confidence and that they need to be taught about the dangers alongside using the safety equipment, even word it in a way "like I'm sure you've already done" it gets the info across without sounding accusing or sanctimonious, its just factual conversation

I personally think you are actually being quite rude about (presumably your DB or Dsis), saying they are not taking water after seriously. I assume they think they are. There are surely arguments for both wearing floating aids and not. One would be the false sense of security you mentioned which would be true of any floatation devise (?), and second would be your sibling obvs thinks it’s safer if one of the children did accidentally fall in.

if you feel uncomfortable then you can quietly say that you aren’t happy about the kids coming over until they have a certain level of swimming lessons/water safety knowledge. Any kind of lecture or even attempt to allude that your sibling isn’t taking safety seriously won’t end well.

I was in crete about 10yrs ago and watched this French (sorry her nationality isnt that relevant but maybe its a French thing) woman strutting about chatting to entertainment staff whilst her little toddler boy had a float thing tucked under the back of his shorts unsupervised in the pool for hours. I could not take my eyes off him.
Flotation devices are not to be used unsupervised.

Me too!

Depends on the age of the kid whether front facing car seats are better.

It's usually made pretty clear on the packaging that supervision is required. I would think it's common sense to know that children need supervision (although rare tragedy does occur). To be honest if someone came to me and warned me about the dangers of floatation devices when I'd trusted them to take my child swimming I'd be a bit worried about them caring for the child as I'd think surely you know they need to be fully supervised at arms length if they aren't independent swimmers.

They shouldn’t sell swimming costumes in pale pastel colours for young children - that would be a start. I refused to buy my granddaughter the pale blue Elsa one she wanted and she had to have a much brighter one. It was a battle I didn’t really need as they don’t understand- they just see their favourite colour.

Children rarely learn to swim with armbands on. Other than paid for lessons, IMO the best way is to take them swimming (to a nice warm pool) and stay right by them in the water, encouraging them. Never mind about ‘proper’ strokes - they can come later. The important thing is to is to get them feeling at home, and happy in the water.
That’s how my very little ones, and equally little Gdcs learned, anyway.

Just bring it up, oh they're fab aren't they! But I wonder, do they think they can swim now? What about if they didn't have them? My autistic 3 year old thinks he can swim because of his. Well guess what. It comes off for some time when we swim now.. its an excellent "helper" but I'm hoping that DS can learn that's what keeps him up

I don't know. My DC are young adults and we didn't really have many floaty devices exept for armbands, a blow up ring and later a body board.

Best advice I have is: make it a big issue, when DC want to enter the pool, they will need their floaty things on. We did this ... and I know my parents did the same.
It's part of the unwritten rule book like not running into a busy road or touching a strangers dog without asking.

I don’t get this post.

Isn’t the pool fenced?

I have never ever heard of the term “puddle jumper”. Those are floaties.

I used to use them before I learned to swim and I never jumped into the water thinking I could swim without them.

That’s why I specified “little kids/babies”…& it’s not really the point of my comment. It was an example that parents make a million safety related decisions for their kids every day and often my decisions are different to other parents but it’s none of my business.

An unsupervised 3 year old falling into an unfenced, uncovered pool has nothing to do with arm bands.

First holiday we went on, we held DD in the water whilst DNephews splashed around in arm bands. Tbh they had a lot more fun! After that we used arm bands and obviously still supervised. I spent 12 months trying to get DS to jump in at swimming lessons, so the arm bands definitely didn't give him false confidence.

I saw the coloured swimsuit thing not long after buying DD a blue costume. Whilst it is important, I think it is more relevant in big spaces e.g. the sea. If a child is properly supervised, it shouldn't become an issue.

It's great you are concerned, but I'm not sure it will be well received.