SIL coming on family celebration holiday without her husband. (MNHQ update at OP's request) Now everyone is chatting in their own language and excluding me.

[Timedifference]

So, a few of us are going away to celebrate a big birthday.
SIL is coming without her husband cos he doesn't like flying and the birthday boy has picked an overseas destination.

We go on Thursday. I found out today she's coming.
She tends to monopolise my DH when she's with him - ive got a horrible feeling she'll be whispering in his ear most of the time. I hope im wrong.

AIBU to not look forward to this break anymore?
I don't want her to be lonely but she fusses over him like hes a child and I get shoved to one side.

Can you enjoy the beach resort yourself? I quite like my husband but I've got no problem if he wants to spend sometime catching up with his family whilst I do my own thing. We aren't joined at the hip.

This man not be what’s actually happening but the paranoid way the OP is viewing and twisting it because she feels a certain way about her marriage/husband/sister.

For all we know they have a perfectly healthy brother/sister relationship and @Timedifference is warping the situation due to her own feelings.

Take the post at face value instead of making up your own version that the op is paranoid. I doubt she is, especially where she said she hopes shes wrong. Generally ppl pick up on others intentions and that's not being paranoid.

This, they've obviously both learned a new language to converse with you in English so why are you not learning their language? Aren't you embarrassed?

Why are you jealous of your husband being close to his sister. My sil is the same with me. I can't fathom it.

It's super weird and possessive.

It's his sister so I wouldn't worry. I initially thought it was husbands brothers wife sniffing around your DH - that would be worrying

I’m curious who the birthday boy is?

Don’t go?

My Dh is close to his sister, I have no problem with them spending time with each other as we don’t see her very much and it’s an important relationship for him. When i’m with my sisters our husbands get zero attention, I think thats fine.

Yeah my friend married a Vietnamese woman and he learned the language. Another friend did the same with learning Korean after her Korean fiancé moved to the UK for her.

Some Languages can be hard so fair play if you can’t learn it to a decent level
but don’t agree you should be trying to stop them conversing in their native language.

My partner is Spanish and I’m trying to learn Spanish - both for myself and for him too. I’ve always enjoyed languages though and I appreciate it’s not the same for everyone.

It doesn't matter if I learn the language fluently or not - she's whispering to him and I cant hear it properly.
Its the monopolising of his time.
Its as if the children & i dont exist.

Your husband doesn't sound very nice, OP.

Regarding the seats on the plane - can you change your seat?

Then don’t say ‘please speak English’
Say ‘please stop whispering, it’s rude’
or ’Please speak up, I can’t hear’

You can’t reasonably stop a brother and sister communicating in the language they grew up using. Their relationship is not about you.

Obviously I don’t know how fluent they both are in English but it can be exhausting for some people to be forced to constantly talk in their second or third language. This is not how people should be made to feel when they are spending time with their family. You shouldn’t be deliberately excluded, but they shouldn’t have to revolve all their chat around you being able to understand either.

Make some effort to learn their language and you might feel less excluded.

There is going to be a buzz buzz in his ear and they will speak their own language because that’s what they grew up speaking to one another in.

Honestly, I really think you’ve just got to be the bigger person here. Accept they gossip and they will enjoy it and let them get on with it. Be friendly and go into this weekend thinking come Hell or Highwater you’ll have a good time. Sit next to someone else at dinner who you like.

@CopperWhite That's exactly it. I am not from an English speaking country either. I obviously understand and speak it but it would feel very strange and unnatural for me to only speak to my family in English because there is somebody around who doesn't speak our language. I would obviously speak English if that person is involved in the conversation, but I wouldn't be speaking to my sister in English just because the person who don't understand is in the vicinity. Doesn't mean we are gossiping about that person or that we are trying to be rude, it just means that we are speaking to each other in the language we have been using since we were toddlers.

Why is your SIL getting the heat for your rubbish H and rocky marriage? I get that it’s easier pointing the finger, then dealing with the problem but won’t change anything.

Agree with others, you can't tell them to speak in English, I don't think you understand how rude that would be. My DH is French, when we see his family I understand hes going to speak to them in French most of the time and its fine, its just a small bit of time in the years we have together.

This. And also how is it the sister monopolising his time? Why is it being framed as if she’s the one controlling this?

He’s a grown man and if she really is ignoring all of you and he does the same - well he is fully complicit and is the one you should be focused on, OP.

Neither of my brothers have kids but I have a close male friend with two young kids and a wife. When I spend time with them I couldn’t “monopolise” his time even if I wanted to.

I don’t think he would stand for his family being ignored and also his wife goes out of her way to welcome me so we have our own chats. She also encourages the kids to interact with “Aunty”.

Basically they all make feel so welcome. But even if that wasn’t the case I just can’t imagine constantly pulling my mate away for whispered chats the whole time , ignoring his whole family and him being ok and going along with all that.

You've helped me to see things in a different way.

I can be talking to my husband in English and she or something else will come along and start speaking their own language in front of me, my brain cant switch over that fast.
Ill go with an open mind & go with the flow.

OP have you ever read Pride and Prejudice? Lady Catherine De Bourgh would say “I MUST have my share in the conversation!”

Or you could say ‘What are you two whispering about?’

Why did you marry someone and learn learn to speak their language, you were always going to feel left out!

Maybe they’re catching up on family business. Just go have fun with the children and not worry so much about.

She is entitled to go on the holiday, why isn't your focus on your DH, surely he has a voice to speak up for you.
He is aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable, yet he participates happily.